Someone with SKIN on!

At my job I do a lot of interfacing with others around the state, some who I have never actually met in the physical world. We talk on the phone, do email, and sometimes connect through webinars.

Recently I was going back and forth with a colleague in northern Idaho via email when I recognized we were not quite understanding one another, so I gave the person a call. She was delighted, and acknowledged the need to connect more directly with the following story:

A little girl was having a sleep over at her grandparents house one night when there was a big thunderstorm. As lighting cracked and thunder went booming through the night sky it scared the child, so she went running into her grandparents' bedroom to jump in bed with them. Her grandmother tried to reassure the little girl by saying "oh honey, you don't need to be afraid. No matter where you are or what is happening, Jesus is always watching over you." The little girl replied earnestly "Oh, I know that Grandma. But right now I need someone with skin on them!"

Yeah, I can appreciate that. Although I love relating to my email friends and blogger pals and I've spent many years teaching online, there are times you just need someone with skin on.

Shameless Groupie

There were many reasons we chose to move to Boise in 2010. But let's face it, there are other towns that have equally nice climates, affordable housing and access to beauty.

What I would not have had if we had moved other places would have been the opportunity to hang out with my musician brother, Andy Pendley.

Tonight Larry and I went to go hear Shakin' Not Stirred, the band that Andy plays in, at Lock Stock & Barrel.

Most of their tunes I am familiar with. Still, it's great fun to go time and again to share in the energy these musicians crank out together. First and foremost I am a fan because it's my big brother on lead guitar. Beyond that, however, I genuinely have a good time every time we hear them play and enjoy the music. Some of the work is truly stunning.

Tonight as we were listening to their rendition of one of my favorite songs, "Hang Tough", from their 1st CD I got a big silly grin on my face and looked over at my husband with tears in my eyes and said "I am SO grateful we moved to Boise. I am so glad we get to do stuff like this."

I truly am richly blessed.

1000 Awesome Things

I just found a new fun place on the web I really like. Shout out to Phaedra's Adventures for listing 1000 Awesome Things on her side bar. I took a quick cruise through some of the posts and found that yes, indeed, life truly is full of amazing, awesome things. I particularly liked the post on blankets.
I think I'll go wrap myself up in one right now!

Change in Directions

Over the past few years I have made 25 loans through the micro-credit program KIVA.
I am a strong supporter of the concept of micro-credit and I have felt good about knowing that I could reach out to help people in various parts of the world. I've assisted in the purchase of lots of pigs and sheep and cows. I've helps stock stores, buy building materials and repair broken down vehicles. Every time the money was repaid I'd loan it out again to some new borrower, allowing the same few dollars I had invested in the beginning to touch more and more lives.

And now I'm done.

I have nothing against Kiva. They have not offended me. I'm just done.

Here's why... I absolutely believe it makes sense to help people in other parts of the world. But I also believe it is important to help people right here where I live. I have found an organization that will do that. It operates on the same principles as Kiva - giving small micro loans to individuals who are trying to improve their lives and working with them to see that the follow through. Here. In Idaho.

I've met the gentleman who runs the program and have confidence in his integrity in managing the program well. So, as my outstanding loans through kiva get paid back I am pulling my money out and diverting it to META.

I will still give to some charities I believe in that have activities throughout the world. But for micro credit activities, I feel good about directing my funds closer to home. This is a good organization. I'm excited to support them!

I love my Kindle Fire!!!!

Anyone who knows me well at all knows that I am an avid reader. I read LOTS of fiction and a fair amount of non fiction. I read for learning, for entertainment, for distraction, for comfort, for inspiration. Since I was a child, reading a good book has been among my dearest pursuits.

As an anniversary gift my sweet husband bought me a Kindle Fire. It's absolutely delicious to be able to carry around 100 different books in my jacket pocket. As I have indicated in an earlier post, my tastes are rather eclectic so I tend to be somewhat fickle in going between various genres. With all these different books (and a few magazines) collected on my Fire I an find something yummy to suit any mood.

There are hundreds of books that are available for download for free or very low cost. Many of them are drivel. Some, however, are quite good.

I've recently download several collections - complete works by classic authors: Mark Twain, Jane Austen, Charles Dickens, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, HG Wells, and unbelievably - the whole collection from The Bronte Family (YES - all of them: Charlotte, Ann, Emily and Patrick). My brain has had enough of formula murder mysteries. I'm ready to dig deep into some of these time honored classic tales. Some I will be re-reading for the 3rd or 5th time since childhood. Some I will be discovering for the first time.

I know spring will come soon and then I'll have lots of yard work to get busy with. There is laundry to do and dinner to make. I do have a job - two of them actually. So I won't be able to just get lost in my books nearly as much as I would like. But all the more reason to choose carefully which sort of books I spend my limited discretionary time on.

Just as I think it makes sense to take care in what sort of people I choose to surround myself with in my social world, I want to be more judicious about my reading life in the coming months. I've recently finished one or two books that I wish I could delete from my brain. They convinced me it was time for a change.

So one of my goals for the coming year is to read a dozen or more classic stories and discuss them well with other people who care about serious literature.

For starters will be Persuasions by Jane Austen. (Click here for chapter summaries)My sweet blogger friend, Mimi, over on Bigger than a Breadbox is hosting a discussion of the book. I'm excited to join in!

What have you read lately??

Choose Ye This Day....

I've been thinking a lot lately about how quickly things can change in our lives. I've been reminded about the power and importance of individual choice in what we will notice and what we will focus on among all the many things occurring all around us. I've always said that each person's attitude was up to the person's choice more than a result of what happened to them. Here lately I've had some opportunities to really test how far I believed that to be true.

2011 was a great year for me. SO many blessing came my way. November and December in particular were a giddy blur of peak experiences. I had found my new job which was a great fit after a long period of struggle in a difficult work environment. I celebrated my 30th anniversary with the man I love, and truly felt bowled over by the depth of the kindness and intimacy we have developed over the years. I had several key spiritual experiences that strengthened me in ways so sacred I hold them close to my heart. In nearly every area of my life, I had so much bliss it was astonishing. This was way beyond happy. I felt a rich sense of purpose and meaning in my life far beyond any I had known before.

Then the new year came and much of that seemed to flip. My job is still great. My man is still my hero. My testimony still is strong and sustaining. But it would have been easy to lose site of all that in the face of some dark things that at times seemed to overshadow everything else.

January was a tough month at our house. It was a time of funerals and condolences. We lost six different people we were close to. Most were folks who lived in other states, but who had been an important part of our lives over the years. Two were from our current congregation - bookending life with one being way too young (just 15) and the other having known many years. While the circumstances around each of these deaths was different - cancer, old age, accident, suicide, heart disease - in every single one of these cases we were reminded of the uncertainties of life and why it really does matter to say what needs said to the people we love NOW rather than waiting for just the right time. You just never know when a conversation will be your last.

Then right along side all those griefs, came the health challenges. My sweet husband had been having lots of problems with his right shoulder - pain and loss of mobility. It turned out he had a torn rotator cuff that needed surgery. What was supposed to be a very straightforward operation got more complicated when they found the damage to his shoulder was far more extensive than the ultra-sound had indicated. It was not just torn. His ligament was completely unattached from the bone. So instead of a simple arthroscopic repair the surgeon had to cut through the muscle which will require a much longer and more painful recovery time.

For several days after the operation it was quite a struggle for him to deal with the pain and nausea. There were two days in particular that were hell on toast. We were both feeling pretty bleak. Even after the worst of that passed, the frustration for both my beloved and me was pretty high as we coped with him not being able to bathe or dress himself without help. He couldn't get good sleep and was just never very comfortable.

Finally the staples came out and the sling came off so now he is feeling a lot better. Best of all is that he can drive again, so he won't feel so trapped being home unable to get anywhere. Still, it will be several months and much difficult physical therapy before he will have full use of his arm again.

Add to this mix that one of our grown up kids was having some major struggles. I won't go into the details here as that is his private business - but suffice it to say that we spent more than a few sleepless nights of worry about the problems that our boy was having to cope with. Our kids are all adults and as such we hope that they will be able to manage whatever challenges they come up against in their lives. But in my heart my boys will always be my babies, no matter how grown up they are, so it HURTS when I see them having an especially hard time.


Put all of this together and what it adds up to is that the start of 2012 has been a season of coping with adversity in one fashion or another.

It has given me a chance to reflect on how I look at life when things are shining and how I look at things when dark clouds come calling. There were times during the happy days when I reveled in peak experiences and knew absolutely how very well blessed I was. There were also, I'm sorry to say, times when all was good that I pretty much took it for granted and just got caught up without noticing or giving thanks for how sweet it all was. Similarly, there have been times during our recent difficulties and sorrows that I have REMAINED grateful for the tender mercies that abound, even in the face of hardships, times when I've felt genuine joy despite some terribly painful things crashing all around us. And there have been times when I've crumbled in a heap of overwhelm and hurting when all I could see were the losses, the pain, the distance between current reality and what I would wish for instead.

Because the contrast in our circumstances have been so absolute in a very short period of time it has been a pretty dramatic lesson -

Happiness, contentment and joy are certainly easier to find when experiencing pleasant and supportive events or environment. But good weather, good food, solid tires, and fine health will not in and of themselves make me feel like all is right with the world. I've known plenty of people who focus on whatever is not immediately perfect no matter how many blessings they have.

And in the same fashion, grief, loss, hard times will not by themselves make me be miserable. It is certainly more of a challenge to keep my optimistic outlook when everything I care about seems to be crashing down around me. But it is not impossible. I have truly known some moments of sweet peace and joy during some of these darkest days.

Life is a complicated mix of good and bad, painful and pleasant. Through it all I decide which I will focus on .....what I have to be grateful for or what I have to sorrow about. I pick. I hope I can choose well.

What I'm reading - 2012

I've been doing some eclectic reading of late - all different genres, all different formats. Here are the books I have been perusing of late:

Right now I am at different points in EACH of the following--

All the Women of the Bible by Edith Deen (hardcover - copyright 1955)

The Great Disruption: Why the Climate Crisis Will Bring on the End of Shopping and the Birth of a New Word by Paul Gilding (Hardcover - copyright 2011)

I Don't Have to Make Everything All Better: Six Practical Principles That Empower Others to Solve Their Own Problems While Enriching Your Relationship by Gary & Joy Lundberg (softcover - copyright 1995)


Extraordinary, Ordinary People by Condoleezza Rice (Kindle - copyright 2010)


The Crystal Bridge by Charles M. Pulsipher (Kindle - copyright 2011)

Autobiography of Parley P. Pratt edited by his son, Parley P. Pratt (Kindle - copyright 1938)

Unleash the Power Within by Anthony Robbins (Audio - copyright 2005)

One Simple Act: Discovering the Power of Generosity by Debbie Macomber (Audio - copyright 2009)

It's sort of interesting simultaneously reading/listening to all these different things. I have Tony Robbins in my car to listen to on my way to and from work. I have the Macomber book in the CD player in my kitchen and listen to that when I'm doing domestic stuff.

The Great Disruption is in the bathroom (by the way - did you know there has been very detailed research about who does or does not read in the john?).

I usually read the Women of the Bible book for a bit in the morning when it's quiet and I have yet to enter the fray of whatever the day will have in store.

I read Crystal Bridge at night before turning out the lights.

The Lundberg book on Not having to make everything better is something I'm reading as one of several sources for a class I'm going to be teaching on Marriage and Family Relations so I tend to read it in my office when I'm in school mode.

Both the Parley Pratt autobiography and the memoir by Condaleezza Rice are ones I pick up now and again to read a little bit of whenever to mood strikes me. I seldom read either one for very long - but I've enjoyed sampling them both.

I'm getting increasingly intrigued by the sci-fi/fantasy book, Crystal Bridge

Each one of these books has their place for me.

What are you reading these days?

Let's Write - Mastermind Group

Today I attended my first "Mastermind group". Mastermind Groups can bring together people with any shared interest to support / challenge / provide feedback and expertise for one another. This particular group focuses on writing - the invitation was for "those who love to write, want to write or want to hang with people with the passion for writing." I like and respect the person who invited me and I had a flexible calendar this morning, so I decided to go. It was actually pretty interesting. There was a guest speaker from Borderline Publishing coming to share information with the group. From that I learned about some tips and tools I was previously unfamiliar with. Beyond that, I got to meet some interesting people and sparked some good reflection for me about my own process of writing and what it means to me.

I do not write fiction. Never have. But I do love to write. Publishing has not been my primary priority. I've dabbled in it a bit. I've had three articles published. First came The Tapestry Called Family in Ensign Magazine back in June of 1990. Next I had a piece called "Giving Sorrow Voice" published in Thantology, a journal about the academic study of death and dying. (I was teaching a course on Death and Dying at a community college in Michigan at the time.) Most recently (June 2011) I had article appear Slate, a publication of the Idaho School Boards Association. (My name appears as second author on that one since the politics of universities put bosses names first - but I know who wrote what.) That one summarizes a literature review on the link between mental illness and suicide.

Between those few rare appearances in print, I've written a lot of other work for other purposes. In a single day this past week I wrote a section of a grant application, a heart felt email, a lecture for my sociology class, and an outline for a Sunday School lesson. Each one called on different elements of my mind and spirit, tapping in to my intellect and creativity in a way that just talking about things never does. It's interesting that writing is given less legitimacy by most if it is not for pay and especially if it's not for a wide audience.

Yet those who write with passion (whether or not it involves any great skill) know something about the magic of the process and how it satisfies a part of us like nothing else ever can or will.

I have a work obligation on the day this Mastermind group will be meeting in February, so I'll miss that meeting. But I do plan to go back when I can. It felt good to be around the energy of men and women who put deliberate effort in to finding their voice, weaving their truths, even when it is clothed in the guise of created characters and plot lines. I also appreciated being in a group of folks who are stretching themselves to intentionally develop their talents, holding each other accountable to keep at it rather than falling into the pit of silently hoping for someday.

Writing matters. I don't have to have the ability or the dedication of a Pulitzer prize winner to acknowledge that. I don't know where this new association will take me, but it's a door I'm glad to have found and made the effort to walk through.

Happy 2012

I've been reflecting a lot on what it means to me to be starting a brand new year.
In some ways I think of it as utterly arbitrary - one minute it was 2011 and then the ball drops and we call it 2012, a silly human convention for cutting up the flow of time into component chunks to suit us.

Still, it's how we do things - so for what it's worth, I've been thinking about how I will approach this new year. I'm not making any long list of resolutions. Truth be told, most of those I've made in years past were forfeit by Valentine's day, if not sooner. However, while I am not setting specific goals, I AM striving to begin this new year with a bit more mindfulness.I am going to focus on EVERY day asking myself 2 questions -1) what can I do today to bring more health, joy, faith and abundance to myself and others? 2) What can I STOP doing today in order to bring more health, joy, faith and abundance to myself and others? I want to be as mindful as I can on a daily basis with out shoulding on myself.

I loved 2011. I'll admit to being a bit apprehensive of the year to come. But come what may - triumphs or challenges, I will do my best to approach it with gratitude.

My best December EVER

I have not posted over the past month because I have been so busy LIVING my life rather than writing about it. I had a phenomenal Christmas season, and have savored this December through and through. For me, that is nothing short of amazing.

Traditionally I have gone into a funk in December. Some years it has been a "partly cloudy" sort of angst. Other years it has been dancing with the devil of pretty significant depression. Suffice it to say that December has been my most bleak month of the year for the past 20 years or so. Part of that has been because I have long associated the Christmas season with death and funerals. Part of has been missing my kids who live half a country away, which somehow has felt more poignant during the holidays. Part has to do with other things...

But NONE of it got me down this year.

I can honestly say that 2011 has been a pretty spectacular year for me, a season in my life when I've felt more contentment and bliss than ever before. Then, as icing on the cake, December has been my best month of this very good year.

Here are a few of the highlights:

I started a new job in October. The first several weeks were filled with the expected anxiety of learning curve. But by December I began to find my stride and found I REALLY like my new position. I have been astonished at what a good fit it is for me. FINALLY I have a job that seems just the right amount of responsibility and challenge that keeps me on my toes without overwhelming me. I get to work with some very cool people and I while I still have a long way to go to achieve mastery in my new role, I am genuinely enjoying the process.

My beloved turned 66 on Dec 1. We celebrated on Sanibel Island in Florida. We had an amazing time connecting with each other in a beautiful place. Being married for 30 years to this guy has been quite a privilege. The week of our anniversary and his birthday was a romantic whirlwind that left me giddy.

My spirituality has been in a very sweet space for the past while. I've long had a strong faith system and have been active in the practices of my church. Still, sometimes I have felt less closeness with my creator. Over the past year as I've dug deeper into gratitude and truly savored my blessings (which have been many) I've been able to notice tender mercies all around me on a more steady basis.

Throughout the month of December we did a variety of festive things...Dec 9 - Live Nativity with my brother and sister-in-law, Dec 10 - A Christmas Carol at Nampa Civic Music Theatre with some dear friends, Dec 18 - Boise LDS Institute choir Christmas program - BEAUTIFUL! There was a church breakfast we took neighbors to and a work party that was more fun than I had expected. We went caroling with a group from our congregation, mailed out (and received) lots of cards and made Christmas cookies for neighbors and friends.

But best of all, we went to Arizona for Christmas. We had the most amazing time there, I am still grinning so much my face hurts. We had wonderful visits with family. There were several very special things we got to do. It was just the right mix of quiet down time and revelry. It really was a magical way to close out the year.

Tomorrow night we will go to some friends to ring in 2012. We'll nosh on some yummies, play some games, and enjoy being silly with people we like.

When 2010 ended I was more than ready to kick the year to the curb. It had done me few favors. But I'll be a bit sad to see this one go. Indeed 2011 has been a delightful year for me. I hope I will always savor the memory of it. I've had multiple peak periods of bliss. I've had so much to be grateful for.

30 Years

Thirty years ago today I married my best friend. I am stunned at how blessed we have been in this relationship. I feel so honored to have had the opportunity to share these three decades with this man. He makes me laugh. He has incredible integrity. He has a phenomenal work ethic and did an amazing job of supporting two families for many years. Now that he is retired he continues to be a phenomenal father and husband. He is a huge support to me in more ways than I can count. Yes, I love him deeply. Beyond that, I genuinely LIKE this guy. We are not just hanging out together. We are truly a team and both of us are better people because of the union we share. My life has been surrounded by so much trust, kindness and possibility because of him. In good times and dark times, we both lift each other up. Happy anniversary my beloved. May we have many, many more years to come.

Book Review - Assassination of Governor Boggs

I just finished reading "The Assassination of Governor Boggs" by Rod Miller. I was asked to review this by my publicist friend, Tristi Pinkston who will link to this post over on her virtual book tour page. I took a peek at what some of the other reviewers there had to say about the book and was interested to see an interview with the author among them.

This book presents an interesting blend of genres, offering up historical fiction from a mystery/detective approach with some of the style of a western gunslinger tale thrown in for good measure.

The book is a fascinating read. It serves up a fictional character, one Calvin Pogue who works for the renowned Pinkerton detective agency from Chicago who has been assigned to investigate a cold case: the very real failed assassination attempt of Lilburn Boggs, who served as the the sixth Governor of Missouri from 1836 to 1840.

In real life, the culprit who shot Governor Boggs in Independence, MO in May of 1942 was never apprehended, although there was rampant speculation that the crime may have been committed by one Orrin Porter Rockwell, a faithful defender of Mormon leaders Joseph Smith and Brigham Young, and a major character throughout this book.

Governor Boggs was involved in many different issues and events of his day, but is perhaps best remembered as the one who issued the "Mormon Extermination Order"

From Wikipedia: Missouri Executive Order 44, also known as the "Mormon Extermination Order"[1] (alt. exterminating order)[2] in Latter Day Saint history, was an executive order issued on October 27, 1838 by the governor of Missouri, Lilburn Boggs. The directive was issued in the aftermath of the Battle of Crooked River, a clash between Mormons and a unit of the Missouri State Guard in northern Ray County, Missouri, during the so-called "Mormon War" of 1838. Insisting that the Mormons had committed "open and avowed defiance of the laws", and had "made war upon the people of this State," Boggs precipitously directed that "the Mormons must be treated as enemies, and must be exterminated or driven from the State if necessary for the public peace—their outrages are beyond all description."

To this day there are many LDS people who hear the name Lilburn Boggs and think of him as a monster who was the cause of the suffering and death by starvation of many who had to flee their homes following the order. So it is no small wonder that at the time he was shot the bad feelings between Boggs and the Mormon people would lead to speculation about motive for the crime.

In this book the investigation into the shooting of Boggs that very nearly did take his life occurs 20 years after the fact. Upon the death of Governor Boggs, his family hires the Pinkerton Detective Agency to determine once and for all who shot Lilburn all those years ago. They are aware that the statute of limitations on attempted murder had long since passed so it is not a matter of bringing the assailant to justice. They do, however, have a deep desire to put the matter to rest once and for all by knowing who was responsible.

Pogue travels by stagecoach and train to various locations (Independence, MO, Navoo, IL and Salt Lake City, UT and the California gold lands) to interview every person he can find who might be able to shed some light on those long past events. Some of the characters we meet through these interviews are

Sam Brannon

Jacob Wright Harlan

Emma Smith








One of the primary voices in each chapter in that of Porter Rockwell himself, the man who many believed was the shooter.

There is much about this book I liked very much. It's a strong narrative that held my interest. I especially felt a connection with the detective, Calvin Pogue, and loved the detail of his ever vigilant lookout for all manner of toy horses in every town he visited that he would mail with loving letters to his young daughter back in Chicago.

I had read in some of the other reviews for the story that there would be a dramatic "suprise ending", but I NEVER saw coming what actually unfolded.

What made me squirm a bit as I was reading was the whole issue of "historical fiction". Unlike some of that genre, this book has absolutely no footnotes or end pages that detail sources for the historical part to allow the reader to sort it out cleanly from the fiction part. So there were several points where I was left simply wondering "Did that really happen??" That was uncomfortably unsettling for me.

I LOVE reading fiction. I also enjoy reading history. Generally speaking, however, I like to know which is which.

Still, even with that caveat, I can heartily recommend this book. It's a worthy read. Now I'll be off to do a bit more research of my own to see what I can learn about some of these characters.

You can purchase this book at Deseret Book or on Amazon.com

Scanning Madness

About a month ago or there abouts I received eight boxes that were delivered to my doorstep by fed ex. Every one of the boxes pictured here were crammed full with photographs, documents, letters and personal papers going back three generations in my family. These boxes held the collection of genealogy, photo albums and various STUFF that had belong to my mother, her mother, and her mother before her. My aunt and uncle had gathered it all up from my grandmother's house in Cottonwood, AZ after her death in 1988. They sorted through it some, but it has mostly sat in boxes for over 20 years. Finally they decided something should be done with the collection, so they sent it all to me.

Oh my.

There are some absolute TREASURES in these boxes. There are photographs I had never seen or knew even existed. However, those treasures are mixed in with a whole lot of...um, junk. At least it is junk to me. My mother had the best of intentions, but she didn't have much sense of order. And, it would appear, she came by that habit honestly. Her mother's records are no more organized than my mom's.

So I've been spending LOTS of time going through these boxes piece by piece by piece, trying to sort out what is there - separating the wheat from the chaff. I've thrown away a lot of stuff. (Multiple copies of many photographs, EVERY card my mother got at her wedding, 15 copies of the newspaper that had her engagement photo in it, along with lots of old correspondence with strangers trying to track down various genealogy leads. (Thank you God for making research a whole lot easier these days since the invention of the internet.)

For the first couple weeks after the boxes came the contents took over every horizontal surface of my house as I painstakingly separated things out into specific piles: grandma photos here, Mom's sibs over there, my sibs in this pile, various cousins over there.

Sadly, there were quite a few of the really old pictures I have no idea whatsoever who they are of - including five tintypes that I suspect belonged to my great grandmother.

However, for pictures that I DO recognize I am absolutely determined to get them all cataloged so that when I go pinchers up no one will find stacks and stacks of boxes of disorganized clutter peppered with family treasures. That's one family tradition I'd just as soon not take on.

So I've been scanning all photos and posting quite a few of them onto the family blog that I started a while back. Then I mailed out several boxes to give pictures back to the various family groups they came from. Little by little I am whittling away at my piles.

I've reclaimed my living room and there are no more pictures on the dining room table. My office however, is still more than a catastrophe. There is simply no way I know to get through this project without making one heck of a mess.

I'll be glad when I get it done and can get my work space back in order. But right now I am incredibly thankful for the treasures of family images and records that have been gifted to me. It has been a fascinating process to go through it all.

I just wish I could find my desk.

Fringe Benefits

My beloved and I have been looking at various options for purchasing private health insurance. As it turns out, the group policy available to ME at my new job is ok (not great by any means) and offered at a tolerable cost. However, it becomes exorbitant if I want to have my husband covered too. My employer subsidizes the cost for employee group coverage, but not for their family members. So we've been reading the fine print for various medicare supplement programs and prescription only policies to see what we can afford.

We got incredibly spoiled by the insurance that we had in Oregon. We paid NOTHING (one of the wonderful benefits of having my husband work for the state-they picked up the full tab!) and we received very generous coverage for medical, dental and vision. They even covered my husband's adult son with a disability who lived in a different state. Sadly,those days are long gone.

Now we will be balancing high premiums, higher deductibles, higher co-pays and reduced coverage which means basically we'll be crossing our fingers and hoping we don't get sick. It makes me far more sympathetic toward the MANY people in this country who have no insurance at all. Getting decent medical coverage is a major motivating factor why many people continue working beyond retirement age. Unfortunately, more and more employers are cutting corners on what sorts of coverage they can offer in these days when it seems everyone is being asked to do more with less.

I DID, however, find out about a different kind of fringe benefit at my new job that had never been explained to me when I was hired. There is a sweet little lady who makes homemade tamales that comes by every so often to sell her wares to the employees. I picked up a dozen (6 pork and 6 beef) from her today and just finished having them for supper. Delicious!

Would I trade that opportunity for better insurance if I could? Most certainly! But here's the thing. I can't. So I might as well make my peace with higher cost/lower coverage insurance because that is the shape of my new reality. In SO many ways this job is a million times better than my former position - so what's the point in complaining about the areas where it does not measure up?

I had a really good day at work today. I'm finally getting past the absolute deer-in-the-headlight stupor of my first weeks of being in a foreign environment. I AM getting the hang of it. I continue to be extremely impressed by the team I am surrounded by. Obviously I still have much to learn, but it feels like this job will be an excellent match.

I'm going to eat my tamales and be grateful.

Learning Curve

No, I did not fall of the face of the earth. I've been completely immersed in getting acquainted with my new job.

I started a new position on Oct 24. It's in a completely different field than I have worked in previously and there is MUCH to learn.

I am the Director of a program that interfaces with a lot of high profile medical people. So I am surrounded by very bright, very capable individuals who expect me to LEAD in some substantial ways. In time I think it will be an excellent match. For right now, however, I'm dancing as fast as I can just to figure out what all the alphabet soup acronyms mean. Then of course there are the inevitable policies and procedures of my particular agency, not to mention the practical things like learning how to use the new high tech phone system and how to load and adjust the fancy shmancy copy machine. Having EVERYTHING be new and unfamiliar requires my brain to be on overdrive every minute of the day to figure out my next move, so by the time I get home I am exhausted.

Most of it is going well. However, there is just so much I don't know that at times it can be a bit overwhelming. On the second day I got completely lost in the building I now work in, leading to some snickers when the person waiting for me in a certain conference room could hear me wandering from corridor to corridor unable to locate the place where I was supposed to be. Yeah, I'm definitely the new kid on the block with a bit of a deer in the headlights look about me.

I am quite jazzed about this new opportunity. For TODAY, however, I'm scrambling just to figure out what I am supposed to be doing. I'm one of those folks who REALLY likes mastery. Nothing is more reinforcing to me that feeling confident and knowing I am good at what I do. Right now I'm getting calls and emails from folks across the country asking me about this program or that project and all I can say is "I'll check on that and get back with you" because I haven't got a clue.

Although it's awkward and uncomfortable at the moment, I'm learning a ton of stuff every single day. I like that.

So I'm trying really hard to be patient with myself. By this time next year I should have a whole network of people I know well who I have not even met yet. I will be able to explain the difference between a CAH, a RHC and a FQHC with the best of them. I honestly believe that through my efforts I will be able to contribute to the face of healthcare in Idaho in some positive ways. For TODAY however, I'm just taking a deep breath and remembering the words of the little engine that could...

"I think I can, I think I can, I think I can..."

The rest will come, in time.

SPLAT!

Oh the joy of celebrating life with pie(s) in the face. In this case, there were two: one was chocolate, the other banana cream.

These were home-made, and from what little actually made it into my mouth, absolutely delicious.

As some of my long time friends know, for many years I carried out the tradition of getting a pie in the face each year on my birthday. I THOUGHT I was all done with this silly bit of nonsense once I turned 50. Last week I celebrated my 54th birthday, so it has been a while since the last time I did this. However, this was my BEST birthday in many years. Between landing my new job and making some excellent connections with people I care about, it just felt like everything in my life is swimming with blessings right now. I was so grateful and giddy with how things unfolded, what can I say...it just made me want to do another pie. Only this time I did it with a twist.

Last week we had mid-term exams in my Introductory Sociology class. I told my students that anyone who earned a perfect score on the test would get to hit me in the face with a pie. How's that for incentive for students to study?? There were two students who made it, so they each got their own pie. At the end of class tonight the whole group went with me outside to the college lawn and there we did the official SPLAT. It was great. Sticky, for sure, but great.

Life is sweet - and if you don't believe me - honestly, there's nothing to kick start your sense of humor like a nice gooey pie in the face.

Stronger at the Broken Places

I originally wrote this post back in 2007 over on my other blog, Life By Design. I'm repeating it here now for the benefit of a particular friend who is going through a hard time.

I once had a wise teacher who told me about making balsa wood airplanes as a child.

While flying them out in a field on a windy day, one of his favorite planes crashed and broke. He was sad to see the crumpled, shattered body lying in a heap. It appeared to be utterly ruined.

However, after the initial disappointment, he picked up the pieces and carefully, painstakingly, glued them back together. Then he left it for a while to sit and dry. Finally, when he was confident it was ready, he took it back out to fly again.

Amazingly, that repaired plane became one of his best flyers. Although scarred and perhaps less beautiful that the unbroken planes, that one was so sturdy that even when it took an occasional tumble, it didn't break again. It had become stronger at the broken places because of the glue.

Our lives are often like that. We have heartaches and disappointments. We have circumstances that make us feel as if we have crashed into the ground. But if we can pick ourselves up and glue those crumpled pieces of our heart back together, we too can become stronger at the broken places, with new found resilience to face the storms the world may bring.

During a particularly difficult time in my life, I received the card you see pictured here. As it says: "Sometimes when you least expect it, life gives you a big ol' sock in the nose." Then, on the inside it reads:"Not to worry. With time the pain will pass, and from it you will have gained experience, which gives you information, which gives you objectivity,which gives you wisdom, which gives you truth, which gives you freedom from having to get a sock in the nose again." Every now and then, when I am facing struggles in navigating the current of my world, it helps to pull out the card and to remember the story of that broken airplane.

Happy Happy Birthday to ME!

I just had the BEST BIRTHDAY I've had in years. From start to finish it was just an amazing day.

1. I got the job that I had been hoping for. More money than I had expected AND the possibility of tuition reimbursement for a grad program I've been looking at. YIPPEE!

2. I had some amazing connections with family and friends.

I went out to dinner at a la-dee-dah fancy restaurant with my husband, my brother and my sister-in-law. (Although I've been told they have the best steaks in town not one of us ordered a steak. But the duck, the halibut and Ahi Tuna were stunning!)

I also had some great phone calls/emails/cards that brightened my day. In particular I had a great talk with my cousin in Renton, WA and my brilliant-and-delightfully-kooky inventor kid brother in California.

3. I was still on a spiritual high from the recent worldwide conference of my church.

Put that all together and life is just bowling me over with blessing right now.

There is a small town in Gooding County called Bliss, Idaho. But I'd say I've found my bliss right where I am.

October Yard Photos

One of the things I love best about my yard in the fall is the grapes that grow all over the back porch. They are very yummy and they smell absolutely divine.

Although our veggie garden is still going strong, most of the flowers in the front yard (except for our faithful roses) have slowed down or stopped.


There are a few exceptions: Aster, Dahlias, & Marigolds are still looking nice.

In the back yard I've got mostly yellows now, with Fireworks goldenrod, sneezeweed (Helenium autumnale)and ligularia blooming:

I've got a couple spots that are still showing other colors (last remaining pinks of my hollyhock, some purple butterfly bush and phlox) Soon though I'll begin to get the deep reds from my burning bush, Virginia creeper and the Japanese maple tree.

I definitely want to plant a few new things next year that will give me more variety this time of year. Perhaps I'll put in some mums? But for now, it's all I can do to keep up with squash, tomatoes and cucumbers that are still producing with profusion.

I've heard it's supposed to turn off cold by the end of next week... before you know it will get a freeze and then it will be time to put the garden to bed. I'm ready.

How Much is Enough?

Once again I am waiting on pins and needles to see if I get picked for a job I have applied for. My interview went very well and I've heard back from three of my references that they have been called, so I know I am in the "finalist" stage, but the deal is not set yet.

I REALLY want this job for a number of reason. I think it would be a good match for my current skill sets, but would also give me room to grow both personally and professionally. Also, while my current position has been great on a lot of levels, the grant funding is ticking away with a definite end point. I am like yogurt with an expiration date. That job will definitely evaporate in the spring. So sometime between now and then it is critical that I find a new position.

The last time I was unemployed I had my husband's salary and benefits to fall back on. Now that he is retired, that is no longer the case. So the fact that I've got a firm lead sooner rather than later is a very good thing.

There's just one bit of a wrinkle in the soup. The job I'm up for is only funded for 20 hrs per week. That means I will take a BIG hit financially to jump ship at this point. It does have full benefits, a true rarity for a part time job. Also it IS very much a professional leadership position with a high level of responsibility. It's simply part of a contract with a skinny budget, so a half time director is all they can afford.

I do not know yet how much the salary will be, but I suspect it may be less than half of what I am currently earning. Add that to the fact that my present position pays substantially less than the last two jobs I had prior to this and clearly it translates to me moving in the wrong direction in terms of income. But I know I am not alone in that. Welcome to the Great Recession where pay cuts and underemployment are rampant all across the land.

Still, other than the money, in ever other respect this job sounds like something I could really sink my teeth into. It is for a non-profit that has an excellent reputation. They've recently won a national awards for flexibility in the workplace. People I've talked to about the place say it is a phenomenal outfit to work for. I had previously met the exec director who I would report to and I believe he would be a great boss. Most of all, this feels like a job where I could make a positive difference, and that is something that really matters to me.

So I've been giving a lot of thought to what my line in the sand is in terms of dollars. How much do I have to earn in order to take this job IF it is offered?

We live in a country that assigns merit and worth to people based on titles and dollars and how many shiny things we own. I am quite capable of seeing the silliness in that sort of thinking. I absolutely recognize that there are far more important quality of life aspects to a job than how big the paycheck is or whether I get a nice office. Still, I do have certain household expenses which must be covered. It really wouldn't matter how much I liked my job if I had to worry all the time about not being able to pay my bills. So, I'm going over the family budget and trying to determine, at what point do the scales tip between taking a job I think I could love which pays poorly vs. keeping a better paying job that I know is time limited while I look for something else?

As I look at the job market in town for what other sorts of things I might be able to pursue if I let this one pass by me, I'm being careful not to let myself get all tangled up in the bird-in-the-hand vs. bird-in-the-bush delusions. (Since right now I'm comparing the bird NOT in my hand to a bush I've yet to identify, it's even more complicated.) I'm not the least bit afraid of working hard. I just want to work in a place that has a culture of professionalism where people have integrity and treat each other like grown ups. Is that so much to ask?

It will be interesting to see how this whole job thing plays out... hopefully I will hear relatively soon. This limbo land of not knowing is wearing kinda thin.