Happy 2012

I've been reflecting a lot on what it means to me to be starting a brand new year.
In some ways I think of it as utterly arbitrary - one minute it was 2011 and then the ball drops and we call it 2012, a silly human convention for cutting up the flow of time into component chunks to suit us.

Still, it's how we do things - so for what it's worth, I've been thinking about how I will approach this new year. I'm not making any long list of resolutions. Truth be told, most of those I've made in years past were forfeit by Valentine's day, if not sooner. However, while I am not setting specific goals, I AM striving to begin this new year with a bit more mindfulness.I am going to focus on EVERY day asking myself 2 questions -1) what can I do today to bring more health, joy, faith and abundance to myself and others? 2) What can I STOP doing today in order to bring more health, joy, faith and abundance to myself and others? I want to be as mindful as I can on a daily basis with out shoulding on myself.

I loved 2011. I'll admit to being a bit apprehensive of the year to come. But come what may - triumphs or challenges, I will do my best to approach it with gratitude.

My best December EVER

I have not posted over the past month because I have been so busy LIVING my life rather than writing about it. I had a phenomenal Christmas season, and have savored this December through and through. For me, that is nothing short of amazing.

Traditionally I have gone into a funk in December. Some years it has been a "partly cloudy" sort of angst. Other years it has been dancing with the devil of pretty significant depression. Suffice it to say that December has been my most bleak month of the year for the past 20 years or so. Part of that has been because I have long associated the Christmas season with death and funerals. Part of has been missing my kids who live half a country away, which somehow has felt more poignant during the holidays. Part has to do with other things...

But NONE of it got me down this year.

I can honestly say that 2011 has been a pretty spectacular year for me, a season in my life when I've felt more contentment and bliss than ever before. Then, as icing on the cake, December has been my best month of this very good year.

Here are a few of the highlights:

I started a new job in October. The first several weeks were filled with the expected anxiety of learning curve. But by December I began to find my stride and found I REALLY like my new position. I have been astonished at what a good fit it is for me. FINALLY I have a job that seems just the right amount of responsibility and challenge that keeps me on my toes without overwhelming me. I get to work with some very cool people and I while I still have a long way to go to achieve mastery in my new role, I am genuinely enjoying the process.

My beloved turned 66 on Dec 1. We celebrated on Sanibel Island in Florida. We had an amazing time connecting with each other in a beautiful place. Being married for 30 years to this guy has been quite a privilege. The week of our anniversary and his birthday was a romantic whirlwind that left me giddy.

My spirituality has been in a very sweet space for the past while. I've long had a strong faith system and have been active in the practices of my church. Still, sometimes I have felt less closeness with my creator. Over the past year as I've dug deeper into gratitude and truly savored my blessings (which have been many) I've been able to notice tender mercies all around me on a more steady basis.

Throughout the month of December we did a variety of festive things...Dec 9 - Live Nativity with my brother and sister-in-law, Dec 10 - A Christmas Carol at Nampa Civic Music Theatre with some dear friends, Dec 18 - Boise LDS Institute choir Christmas program - BEAUTIFUL! There was a church breakfast we took neighbors to and a work party that was more fun than I had expected. We went caroling with a group from our congregation, mailed out (and received) lots of cards and made Christmas cookies for neighbors and friends.

But best of all, we went to Arizona for Christmas. We had the most amazing time there, I am still grinning so much my face hurts. We had wonderful visits with family. There were several very special things we got to do. It was just the right mix of quiet down time and revelry. It really was a magical way to close out the year.

Tomorrow night we will go to some friends to ring in 2012. We'll nosh on some yummies, play some games, and enjoy being silly with people we like.

When 2010 ended I was more than ready to kick the year to the curb. It had done me few favors. But I'll be a bit sad to see this one go. Indeed 2011 has been a delightful year for me. I hope I will always savor the memory of it. I've had multiple peak periods of bliss. I've had so much to be grateful for.

Fringe Benefits

My beloved and I have been looking at various options for purchasing private health insurance. As it turns out, the group policy available to ME at my new job is ok (not great by any means) and offered at a tolerable cost. However, it becomes exorbitant if I want to have my husband covered too. My employer subsidizes the cost for employee group coverage, but not for their family members. So we've been reading the fine print for various medicare supplement programs and prescription only policies to see what we can afford.

We got incredibly spoiled by the insurance that we had in Oregon. We paid NOTHING (one of the wonderful benefits of having my husband work for the state-they picked up the full tab!) and we received very generous coverage for medical, dental and vision. They even covered my husband's adult son with a disability who lived in a different state. Sadly,those days are long gone.

Now we will be balancing high premiums, higher deductibles, higher co-pays and reduced coverage which means basically we'll be crossing our fingers and hoping we don't get sick. It makes me far more sympathetic toward the MANY people in this country who have no insurance at all. Getting decent medical coverage is a major motivating factor why many people continue working beyond retirement age. Unfortunately, more and more employers are cutting corners on what sorts of coverage they can offer in these days when it seems everyone is being asked to do more with less.

I DID, however, find out about a different kind of fringe benefit at my new job that had never been explained to me when I was hired. There is a sweet little lady who makes homemade tamales that comes by every so often to sell her wares to the employees. I picked up a dozen (6 pork and 6 beef) from her today and just finished having them for supper. Delicious!

Would I trade that opportunity for better insurance if I could? Most certainly! But here's the thing. I can't. So I might as well make my peace with higher cost/lower coverage insurance because that is the shape of my new reality. In SO many ways this job is a million times better than my former position - so what's the point in complaining about the areas where it does not measure up?

I had a really good day at work today. I'm finally getting past the absolute deer-in-the-headlight stupor of my first weeks of being in a foreign environment. I AM getting the hang of it. I continue to be extremely impressed by the team I am surrounded by. Obviously I still have much to learn, but it feels like this job will be an excellent match.

I'm going to eat my tamales and be grateful.

Franken-butt Anniversary

One year ago today my beloved went under the knife to have hip replacement surgery. The months leading up to and immediately following the operation were a struggle. My strong, capable husband endured tremendous pain for months and became in most respects an invalid. When our granddaughters came to visit last August they pushed him around in a wheel chair every where we went.

Gratefully, he has had a full recovery and is now able to do very nearly everything he ever could. He has one dilly of a scar on his butt (which I do have photos of but will NOT be posting) and at times still gets a little pain.

But considering the extent of the surgery, we are both pretty amazed at how well he has bounced back. The human body's abilty to heal from all sorts of mishap and trauma is nothing short of amazing.

As we think about where we were and what we were doing one year ago today we both recognize we have very much to be grateful for.

Hopefully we'll have another 10-20 years of active, productive life before we have to worry about "invalid" status again. Or not. What I do know after than dress rehearsal into the world of pain and limitation is that every healthy day we get is a precious gift to be savored and appreciated.

Micro Credit - Touching the world

I have been reviewing my Kiva portfolio to see the status of the various loans I've made. If you are not familiar with Kiva you really should check it out.

Back in 2006 I chose to put $75 into micro-credit loans in various places around the word. Since that time whenever the loans are paid back to me I reloan it to someone new. From that SAME $75 dollars I have now put $600 in assistance out to people in the following places:

Dec 2006 - Perris W. from Ongata Rongai, Kenya Supplies for embroidery business

Dec 2006 – Mamadow D. group in Nder, Senegal – to buy an irrigation pump to improve farming

Dec 2006 – Oliver N. from Dar es Salaam, Tanzania – to buy supplies for Batik business

July 2007 - Sambath H from Ta Khmao district, Cambodia – to repair motor bike & buy groceries for sale

Dec 2007 – Makhmadsaid H. from J.Rasulov, Tajikistan – to buy livestock

Dec 2007 - Fuzuli G. from Beylagan, Azerbaijan –to buy sheep

Jan 2008 – Fauu M from Manono, Samoa – for iron roofing for home repair & fertilizer for farm

Jun 2008 – Victoria A. from Pucarani, Bolivia for purchasing milk cows

Jun 2008 – Shamin Noor M. from Arifwala, Pakistan, to buy masonry tools & expand fruit stand

Mar 2009 – Wofunaria from Zana, Uganda to buy food for chickens to raise eggs for sale

Mar 2009 - Dounyu Grou from Wome, Togo to enlarge cabbage production

April 2009 – Rihana Grom from Kot Radha Kishan, Pakistan – Rickshaw / buffalo for milk/ other

May 2009 – Barrio Lido Group from Bolivia – carpentry & brick laying tools

Oct 2009 – Nurbubu S. Group from Balykchi, Kyrgyzstan to buy winter fodder for cattle

Sep 2009 – Hoang Tia Group from Dong Anh- Ha Noi, Viet Nam to expand recycling business / etc

Jan 2010 – Yeradon Group from Segou, Mali to busy food supplies for business

Mar 2010 – Thiem Thi from Dong Anh- Ha Noi, Viet Nam to buy piglets and improve piggery

Apr 2010 – Qoyllority group from Muñapata, Peru to buy sheep

Jun 2010 – Nueval Semilla group from La Paz / El Alto, Bolivia to buy supplies for sewing business

Aug 2010 – Turdubiubiu group from Karabalta, Kyrgyzstan to buy cattle and chickens

Nov 2010 – Musruf C. from Sabirabad, Azerbaijan to buy sheep

Nov 2010- Mnatsakan G. from Sevan, Armenia to buy calves and fodder

May 2022 – Pao K. from Phnom Penh, Cambodia to buy cows and oxen

June 2011 – Nakisunka group from Mukono, Uganda to buy piglets

I'd say that's one investment that I'm VERY satisfied with the return I've gotten.
The stock market may have taken a major hit on our 401K's, but I still feel good knowing that from a small sacrifice on my part I have had an opportunity to make a bit of a difference in the lives of people around the world.

On my lender page I have this quote from Edward Everett Hale: “I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything I will not refuse to do the something I can do.”

I'm truly grateful that in this small way I can make a difference all across the world.

Power of FOCUS

Today I am thinking about the power of focus.

Lots of stuff happens every day - some good, some not so good, some bizarre, some mundane. I decide which of those things I will pay the most attention to. I am in control of my own mental focus.

I believe I have the power to be in charge of my own mood and attitude by deliberately choosing to focus on things I am grateful for, things I am excited about, things that make me smile INSTEAD of staying stuck in dwelling on all that is not perfect in my life. There is PLENTY that is not perfect in my world right now. If I chose to focus on those things I could work myself into a pretty potent pity party. (say that five times fast!) Instead, I am working hard to keep putting my attention on the many things I have that are fantastic. There are a lot of those things in my world as well. It's up to me to decide which ones will get the bulk of my attention.

Recently I had an opportunity to go on a week long cruise with my husband and some other family members to Mexico. We took a Holland America ship to Mazatlan, Porta Vallarta and Cabo San Lucas. It was supposed to be a fabulous vacation in the sun, seeing interesting places and having the time of our lives.

Except I got sick. By the second day on ship I was coughing like crazy and felt kinda puny. So I went to the medical center to get some cough medicine. They took my temperature, did a throat culture and diagnosed me with flu A. Which means I was put into quarantine to protect the other passengers from my germs. I DID have fun in Mazatlan. But I did NOT get to go see Porta Vallarta or Cabo. Not only did I not get to see those ports of call, I wasn't even allowed out of my room. Not fun.

The first day I was very understanding about it. There are lots of little old people on cruise ships. I sure did not want to get anyone else sick. I thought with bed rest, pushing fluids and a course of Tamiflu I'd beat it pretty quick. However, my positive attitude about it pretty much went flying out the window by the third day of isolation. I was ready to go postal.

The time I was down was pretty grim. Not only did I feel terrible, I hated missing out on the only vacation I am likely to get this year. Also, I am by nature a pretty social person. Being in solitary confinement all that time was hard to take. However, when I finally DID get to get out of my room (on our way back home) I had an amazing day. Dolphins surrounded the ship by the hundreds, jumping out of the water right up next to the boat and all across the sea. After that we went through a pod of whales. Over and over again they came up to the surface within just a few feet of where I was standing on the deck. They were truly awesome to watch. I saw amazing islands, I enjoyed some good meals. Besides all that, I felt very grateful to simply be able to BREATHE without coughing and to have the freedom to walk around again.

When I think of that trip I could define it as a miserable experience that I spent locked up most of the time. Or I can think of that trip as the vacation I took when I got to commune with dolphins and whales. The choice is up to me.

For me, the most positive way for me to define that cruise to Mexico is to clearly remember BOTH parts of it. Rather than having to view my life experiences in terms of either/or good/bad dichotomy, I prefer to embrace both/and. This vacation was the trip when I got sick AND the trip that I saw dolphins and whales.

I do not want to put on blinders to my experience of being ill. It was a very difficult, painful, disappointing thing to have happen. Yet it also was a reminder to me about how very fortunate I am to have generally good health. There was a point that every free breath I took without going into spasms of coughing truly felt like a precious gift from God. (I was really sick!) It was interesting to watch how long it took for me to start taking breathing for granted again. It wasn't very long. I am trying to HOLD ON to that feeling of gratitude for things as basic as my breath. Remembering my period of illness gets me closer to feeling a deep appreciation for it.

I give meaning to what happens to me on a daily basis. I can whine about the things that do not meet my expectations. Or I can look for the blessings and lessons that are in ALL things that occur, even the painful ones.

I will definitely have pain. Whether I allow that pain to make me miserable is up to me. I really do believe that there are blessings in ALL my experiences. Some float right up to the surface, like those breaching whales and leaping dolphins. Others are harder to identify. But if I look deep, they are always there.

Blessings and Bumps

I just updated my status over on my FaceBook page. I said I am feeling extremely grateful for all my blessings...freedom, loving friends, a great marriage, good books, supportive family, a reliable car, good health, safe drinking water, nurturing spiritual community, a great dog, a prolific garden, technology that helps make my life run smoother (everything from my vacuum cleaner to the computer I'm writing this on...) Yep, I am feeling very richly blessed !

Sure, there are dark spots and bumps in the road. My job ends July 15. I have an interview for another one set up, but even if I do get it, it will be at a significant pay cut and mean going back to that horrible learning curve out-of-my-comfort zone unfamiliarity that I always abhor. Beyond that, there are other glitches to face. A legal battle that has been expensive and mean that never should have been brought against us in the first place. Health crisis for people close to me that I care about. The continuing downward spiral of the economy that has smoked our retirement savings into a mere shadow of it's former robust security blanket. I could easily focus on what's difficult and painful if I chose.

But I CHOOSE to focus on gratitude. I am not unaware of the very real and legitimate problems that must be dealt with. But I am seeing them as just a piece of the puzzle, the shadow side of all that is light in my life. Without the dark side, I would never fully savor the sweetness of all I have that is good. So in a way, I can even be grateful for the bumps...while I do not eagerly invite them I recognize those are often my most powerful teachers in one fashion or another.

I absolutely believe that what I choose to focus on the most is entirely up to me and will be the true determining factor in how I experience my life on a day to day basis. There will be times that I may slip in my resolve to be positive. For today, however, I am reveling in all that is right in my world and feeling ever so grateful for the rich abundance I've been blessed with. Even with all it's perils and problems, my life really is sweet.

Busier Than a One Man Band

Ah, a day in the life of busy lady with more tasks than sense:

I head out the door bright and early for the 45 minute commute to work. I begin the day at work at 7:30AM with some policy planning and then do a pile of data entry in my ongoing efforts to create an accurate data-base of all the clients who have been served in the past four years. (Yeah, I KNOW I could delegate this to a volunteer, but I want to check and double check it for accuracy and have it set up MY way since the last system somebody else did had some significant holes in it...)

Next I meet with a couple of established clients, answer my e-mail, take WAY too many phone calls, do an intake on a new client, go to a lunch meeting at local college, and then come back to office to once more enter the fray.

I write thank you notes to some recent donors, work with a volunteer to set up some new files and shift how a few things are tracked, sort out papers on desk....

GULP, take a breath.

I review case files, plan out new tracking method, read through grant application, answer MORE e-mail, take MORE phone calls, set upcoming calendar, fiddle with some technology that refuses to work.

Then, meet with board members and state representatives to talk about Very Important Stuff, finish up office for the day by around 5:30...commute home...Stop at library along the way to pick up a few more audio books to keep me company on my daily drive.

I get home a little after 7:00 PM, go right back out to pick up computer from very nice man who agreed to fix work computer for free since struggling non-profit is on shoe-string budget. FINALLY get home after 8PM to stay and then I start my OTHER job

I hit the computer to put the finishing touches on the two online classes I'll be doing again this term - students start previewing this week and courses "officially" begin next Monday. I THINK I've got everything set.

Then there is the laundry, some bills to pay, two check books to balance, go for walk with the dog, plan what I need to send my sister-in-law and son for upcoming birthdays, read over the lesson I'll be teaching next for the youth Sunday School class, make "to do" list of stuff I don't want to forget (make dental appt, change oil in car, buy light bulbs)

Is it any wonder I feel utterly pooped? I think I need a long hot bubble bath and a frivolous magazine.

So far I'm holding it together...but I can feel myself getting a bit fuzzy around the edges. And it's only MONDAY.

I have to just keep thinking of the mantra of The Little Engine That Could.

Somewhere in there along my day I started to feel rather overwhelmed. Is it any surprise? But when that comes I find if I just STOP, take several deep breaths and two solid minutes of FOCUSED GRATITUDE it really, really helps.

I list in my mind a bunch of blessings. Instead of bitching about how far I have to drive to get to work, I am GRATEFUL I have a good, reliable car that runs well and gets decent gas mileage. Instead of whining about all the drama and responsibility I juggle at work I can be GRATEFUL that I have a good job that for the most part suits me well. When I get really tired and think I'm running in too many directions at once I take a moment to recognize and fully APPRECIATE the opportunities and blessings that are surrounding me.

Piece by piece I deliberately redirect my mind and emotions away from all the things that feel like stress producers and focus on the things that make me smile, or the tools I have that will make it possible to accomplish all I have to do.

I DO think it would serve me well to re-evaluate how I am managing my time and look for ways to make more effective strategies for what I do myself and what I delegate. I need to be sure I make plenty of room for SLEEP, for self care, for quality time in my family relationships. I don't want to be so caught up in my to do list that I sweep the things that really matter under the rug.

But even though there are some challenges, I DO have much to be grateful for. And for now, leaning on THAT knowledge is what is getting me through each day.