How Much is Enough?

Once again I am waiting on pins and needles to see if I get picked for a job I have applied for. My interview went very well and I've heard back from three of my references that they have been called, so I know I am in the "finalist" stage, but the deal is not set yet.

I REALLY want this job for a number of reason. I think it would be a good match for my current skill sets, but would also give me room to grow both personally and professionally. Also, while my current position has been great on a lot of levels, the grant funding is ticking away with a definite end point. I am like yogurt with an expiration date. That job will definitely evaporate in the spring. So sometime between now and then it is critical that I find a new position.

The last time I was unemployed I had my husband's salary and benefits to fall back on. Now that he is retired, that is no longer the case. So the fact that I've got a firm lead sooner rather than later is a very good thing.

There's just one bit of a wrinkle in the soup. The job I'm up for is only funded for 20 hrs per week. That means I will take a BIG hit financially to jump ship at this point. It does have full benefits, a true rarity for a part time job. Also it IS very much a professional leadership position with a high level of responsibility. It's simply part of a contract with a skinny budget, so a half time director is all they can afford.

I do not know yet how much the salary will be, but I suspect it may be less than half of what I am currently earning. Add that to the fact that my present position pays substantially less than the last two jobs I had prior to this and clearly it translates to me moving in the wrong direction in terms of income. But I know I am not alone in that. Welcome to the Great Recession where pay cuts and underemployment are rampant all across the land.

Still, other than the money, in ever other respect this job sounds like something I could really sink my teeth into. It is for a non-profit that has an excellent reputation. They've recently won a national awards for flexibility in the workplace. People I've talked to about the place say it is a phenomenal outfit to work for. I had previously met the exec director who I would report to and I believe he would be a great boss. Most of all, this feels like a job where I could make a positive difference, and that is something that really matters to me.

So I've been giving a lot of thought to what my line in the sand is in terms of dollars. How much do I have to earn in order to take this job IF it is offered?

We live in a country that assigns merit and worth to people based on titles and dollars and how many shiny things we own. I am quite capable of seeing the silliness in that sort of thinking. I absolutely recognize that there are far more important quality of life aspects to a job than how big the paycheck is or whether I get a nice office. Still, I do have certain household expenses which must be covered. It really wouldn't matter how much I liked my job if I had to worry all the time about not being able to pay my bills. So, I'm going over the family budget and trying to determine, at what point do the scales tip between taking a job I think I could love which pays poorly vs. keeping a better paying job that I know is time limited while I look for something else?

As I look at the job market in town for what other sorts of things I might be able to pursue if I let this one pass by me, I'm being careful not to let myself get all tangled up in the bird-in-the-hand vs. bird-in-the-bush delusions. (Since right now I'm comparing the bird NOT in my hand to a bush I've yet to identify, it's even more complicated.) I'm not the least bit afraid of working hard. I just want to work in a place that has a culture of professionalism where people have integrity and treat each other like grown ups. Is that so much to ask?

It will be interesting to see how this whole job thing plays out... hopefully I will hear relatively soon. This limbo land of not knowing is wearing kinda thin.

FISH PUZZLE

Some people like Sudoku. Some people do crossword puzzles. As for me and my beloved, we are jigsaw puzzle people.

However, my sister-in-law recently gave us a puzzle that didn't have any box to it. All the pieces were there .... all 1000 of them. She knew it was a picture of fish. But that's all she could tell us. YIKES. How are you supposed to do a jigsaw puzzle without the picture?? Gluttons for punishment that we are, we fussed with it for a while until we finally got the darn thing put together. So I took this picture to refer back to if we ever decide to do it again.

This served as one more reminder to me that whether it's Tony Robins saying to "Know Your Outcome" or Steven Covey saying "Start with the end in mind", it just makes sense, whether in LIFE or in puzzle land, to have clear concepts of what you want to achieve so you can move forward in a purposeful way rather than just taking random actions and hoping for the best.

With that in mind I'm revisiting my bucket list, my vision board, and considering again some of the goals I've plunked away at over the years. What do I want to accomplish before the year ends? Where do I hope to be in five years, or ten?

I really do believe in building a life by design rather than default.

So it's back to the drawing board for me to clarify what things matter most in my world so I can make sure those are the rocks that get put in my bucket first. The sand will take care of itself.

Absolute Poverty vs Relative Deprivation

I've been working on my online classes to get them ready for winter term. I came across this question that is posted for the unit on social class & mobility:

"Because there is such great wealth in the hands of some in the U.S., and a great deal of commercial exposure to the range of material goods available, those who live modestly may feel poor even if all their basic needs are met. Different people have different ideas about what standard of living is “good enough” for them. What has had the greatest impact on how you feel about your own material circumstances in relation to your community and/or other family members? What factors do you believe have the greatest impact on whether or not a person will feel satisfied with what they have?"

That question got me thinking...

I grew up poor without the advantages of summer camps or music lessons. I wore hand me down clothes most my life as a child and didn't have much in the way of pretty things. I used to think having matching furniture and wall to wall carpet in your house meant you were rich.

I've heard lots of people who grew up in similarly humble circumstances say that in retrospect they realized their family had been poor when they were little, but that they had never really been aware of that at the time. That was not the case for me. I was very, very aware of my family's low status. My parents fought incessantly about debts and things we could not afford. I heard snide comments from other people about the way we lived. Even when I was quite young, I defined my life as lacking basic things other people took for granted. I used to dream of one day living in a pretty house and having enough - not being RICH necessarily, but simply having ENOUGH.

I left that home at sixteen to marry my first husband. During that volatile seven year marriage we lived pretty much hand to mouth, bouncing around from one rented hovel to the next as my ex husband seldom held a steady job very long and a lot of what money he did bring in went to getting high. We were on food stamps most of the time and had no health insurance. We took our kids to county hospital if they got sick.

Fast forward several years to when I married my current husband. We struggled our first 10 years together, but it was a different kind of struggle. Once all the bills were paid and the groceries bought there was not much of anything left over. But the key thing is all the bills WERE paid on time and we never had to worry about having enough groceries. We bought a house and were stable in ways I had never known. We NEVER had shut off notices from the utilities and our standards were about establishing decent credit and putting away a little saving for the future. (Savings? Unheard of in my former life.)

Then there were some promotions for my man and eventually our kids were emancipated. Since we no longer were paying for the many expenses of raising our boys and then I was available to start working full time suddenly we had a level of discretionary income I'd never known before.

We were always pretty scrupulous about living within our means and having some savings. To do that we had to watch the budget closely. We seldom went to the movies or out to eat. We did not buy a lot of "STUFF". It took a while to pay off my student loans and pay for a car - but we did it. Eventually the only debt we had in the world was our mortgage, and that was manageable. We had two or three credit cards and used them plenty, but always made sure they were paid off in full every month.

Once we got to that point my man and I started taking some trips - Costa Rica, Fiji, Hawaii, Alaska. Every year we made sure we had a vacation for at least a week to ten days somewhere. We still had to watch the budget closely to make this possible, but it WAS possible. With both of us working full time we had a pretty comfortable lifestyle according to our level of expectations. We knew people who had a lot more than us, we knew people who had much less. But for us, if felt like we had just enough to truly appreciate our abundance without so much to let it go to our heads.

We had a handful of fat cow years during which we were able to do more things, help others, and dream of a cushy retirement.

Now the lean cow years are here, or so it seems. Due to some unforeseen circumstances beyond our control, our financial picture has changed. Some of our long range plans will have to be scrapped and others adjusted significantly. We're still doing ok, but the balance sheet definitely isn't as promising as it once was. And that triggers a fair amount of anxiety for me.

I don't need a pile a cash or stacks of shiny THINGS. But I do need to know that we will always have a secure place to live and be able to pay our bills on time. I never want to go back to the marginal way of living I came from.

So long as we both work full time we could continue on pretty much as we have been, minus any exotic travel anytime soon. But my husband is 63. At some point the time will come for him to step away from his job. Also, just from a point of prudence, I'd like to be in a position so that if something were to happen to either one of us (or to the jobs we hold) that we'd still be able to manage.

That was a big part of why we chose to sell our place in Athena. To get out from under the mortgage and to free us up to be able to choose to stay here or leave to another area depending on what opportunities came up.

But now that we are in the process of selling that house we have to decide what next.
Do we buy some tiny little place here locally that we can get for $120K or less? Or do we keep the money in the bank as a parachute against potential woe in the future and continue to rent our current place out at the farm?

How do I feel about where I live? I admit I do miss having my big fancy house where I was comfortable doing lots of entertaining. But I've kind of gotten over the worst of the homesickness I initially felt when we left it. I've come to appreciate the snug house we are in now in a lot of ways, even though I don't have walk in closets or a garage. (With all the snow we have now I REALLY miss the garage!)

As I plan for the future, what factors will determine how much is enough in what sort of house I expect to have or how much wiggle room I need in my budget to feel comfortable rather than stressing over the wolf at the door?

My ideas about this are in flux at the moment - shimmering with iridescent contrast between wanting something VERY simple and basic on some days while other days I long for something more upscale. Also the level of anxiety I feel on a day to day basis over the current financial crisis in our national economy varies a lot. At this point I don't even want to open up the statements for our investment savings. I just want to stick them in a box for later, cover my eyes and ears and shout LA LA LA LA so I don't have to see or hear about the decline anymore. Some days it makes me crazy, and I fret hopelessly about having 30 years of hard work and savings go up in smoke. Other days I'm more serene, trusting that even if we have to adjust our lifestyle considerably from what we had planned, God knows our needs and will provide for them. We may not get much extra, but I generally have confidence that we will have enough.

How much is enough? As I come to know more and more people who are living in serious poverty I see my grumbling about giving up the excess of my former abundance as rather petty.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with having abundance. But as I wrestle with how I feel about what I have now, what I most appreciate, what I long for, what I think of as futile pipe dream that I NEVER expect to get...it's interesting which things land on which lists. How DO I decide how much is "enough"?

How about you?

Some Thoughts About Renting...

After having been a home owner for over 25 years, the prospect of rejoining the ranks of renters has my head spinning with ambivalence. Over the next couple weeks I will be moving out of my home of the last six years and into an old farm house my beloved and I have decided to rent. For a lot of different reasons this move makes total sense. We've thought it out and done the math. Logic says go for it, and things seem to be falling into place as we have found someone who wants our house if they can qualify for financing. Still, my emotions are in turmoil about what it will mean to me to go back to renting a home that is not mine.

We've bought houses in Ohio, Michigan, Washington, and Oregon. They were never ours outright, as we always carried substantial mortgages on each one, never living long enough in any one place to get anywhere close to payoff. Still, we bought into the notion of those places being "OURS" because we had total freedom to choose what we did with them. We've painted and wallpapered, knocked out walls and built on new structures. We've landscaped and added water features. We've grown gardens and marked door jams as records of how tall our kids were getting. We've made every house we had HOME by virtue of how we shaped it.

I read in a book on home decorating recently "It is a proven fact that the more we personally participate in something, the more meaningful it becomes. Peter and I painted the inside of our house together, for example, and discovered that when you scrape, sand, and caulk and then prime and paint a surface of wood, you become attached to it the way new parents do with their newborn: You bond together in creating and understanding and appreciation. You take pride in what you do because you know what went into it, and you also feel the exhilaration of shared accomplishments." (from Creating a Beautiful Home by Alexandra Stoddard).

Those words definitely ring true for me. From the beat-up old fixer upper that was the first house we bought together in Ohio that had the horrific colors, fractured plumbing and dead bat in the bathtub, to our current home with it's 100 year old bones and gorgeous light, the projects we've done together on every house have been times we have truly cherished.

Now that we will be living in a rented house with limited options for making changes, we'll have to find different ways to make it feel like home.

Beyond that, I've been giving much thought to what "security" is and how financial commitments to property have defined for me what it meant to be stable and safe.

I am excited by the prospect of having complete freedom to go anywhere we may choose to visit or live over the next 10 years without being tied to any one specific geography. I kind of like the idea of spending six months to a year in a few different places as we explore all over the country before landing to put down roots again. My Gypsy soul eagerly pulls out the maps and fantasizes about spending time in Appalachia or New England or some small beach town or bayou retreat. Now, my husband loves the familiar, so it is highly unlikely we'll get quite that adventurous. But we COULD, and that freedom very much appeals to me.

I like the idea of paring down our possessions and opening up possibilities. I've seen so many friends and family members have to relinquish treasured homes in their later years, either due to failing health or changed finances. I know that if we stayed in our big two story house that eventually we would face that same challenge. I'd much rather let it go now while the move can be entirely on our own terms and of our own choosing.

STILL...the American Dream of owning a home is something I have been deeply socialized to believe in. Somehow "just renting" feels/sounds less stable, less secure, less successful than owning our own home. Why is that? Would I be okay with NOT buying another house? Would I be willing to accept my status as renter as permanent rather than a temporary transition? I'm not sure, but I suspect not. Right now I have ants in my pants and value freedom more than security. But I suspect that eventually that will run its course and we'll find ourselves looking to buy a house again. So we will need to be smart about how we handle our budget to make sure that remains within our reach when the time comes.

For today, however, I don't have to think about buying another house. Today my only challenge is to get ready to move out of this one. A big part of that means deciding what things we keep and what things we get rid of. We're selling our big screen TV, our King sized sleep number bed, our sectional furniture with the double recliners and hide-a-bed, the futon, and a whole lot more. We've given away loads of stuff and no doubt will hand over more to friends and charities. Piece by piece we are letting go of things we have have treasured but no longer choose to keep for one reason or another. Some of the choices are easy and some have had their sting, but overall it really feels good to lighten our load.

I love this link to pictures of HOUSES AROUND THE WORLD. Whether my next house when we are ready to leave the farm will be a sweet little gem of luxury or something very basic and bare...HOW I live is more important than WHERE I live or what I own.

Our capitalist culture is so tangled up in the false believe that our STUFF defines our value.

There is a 20 minute video called The Story of Stuff that serves as a powerful reminder that recreational consumption has its pitfalls.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not entirely renouncing all love of shiny things, I'm not about to take on vows of poverty or willfully choose the life of the ascetics. I do NOT see stark living as being any way morally superior to abundance. But I DO believe my own relationship with the material world is long overdue for a bit of a shake up. I want to be more mindful of the footprint I leave on this planet. This move feels like exactly the right step in that direction.

My heart has done flip flops of being apprehensive, anxious, filled with forboding about what we've taken on. But mostly I feel at peace about the decision.

So I am ready to let go of my hold on what I've defined as SAFE and SECURE and STABLE - being surrounded by a great many material things and locked into our commitment of home ownership. I am ready to embrace a new season of living more simply in a place that will not be my own. What will it take for me to feel AT HOME there? I don't know yet. But I am ready to explore and find out.

PRIORITIES

I have a framed picture that shows a little blond headed boy standing next to a lake, along with a quote that reads: "A hundred years from now it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove...but the world may be different because I was important in the life of a child."

On Thursday I have a second interview for the therapist position I applied for with a local agency serving seriously emotionally damaged / mentally ill children and their families. IF I get this job I will give up $10K a year and half my current vacation. Not to mention I would be taking on a hot bed of potential burn out. Not surprisingly, I've had a couple different people I know well challenge me on why I would even consider such a job. It's hard to explain. But it just FEELS right.

I've been the grand poobah boss at my current position since February. Clearly I have the skill sets to do it well. But I don't want to do it anymore. I was also an executive director at a different organization where I worked previously. Because I believed in the mission of that agency and respected the boss that I had very much, I stayed with that one for almost three years. I absolutely know how to lead and administer and all that stuff. And I have enjoyed the perks that come with being in charge.

But I'm oh so ready to turn in my boss button and make the shift over to focusing on an entirely different sort of work. I did mental health related work all the way through my undergrad program and genuinely enjoyed being part of a multi-disciplinary treatment team, even when the day-to-day dealing with clients could be fraught with stress and conflict. I believe I have something to contribute that is uniquely my own.

ANY smart, ambitious person could balance the budget, go to the meetings, and complete the reports required for my current role. It doesn't feel like it matters that it is me holding the reins. But I do believe that the sense and experience I would bring to healing interactions with troubled kids and their often fractured families would be blessed in some key ways because it was me in the mix. I don't say that out of vanity. I just mean that I have a deep respect for the human element of healing work and every relationship has its own magic. I want to share some of mine.

So I'll go do this second interview and see if this particular agency at this particular time is the right fit. I will remind myself that if I do not get the job (or if for any reason I see some red flags that convince me to turn it down if offered) that sooner or later I will find a job that suits my needs and my core values. But something I've come to recognize more and more over the last few months is that I need way more than a fat paycheck to be happy with a job. Earning money is a good and necessary thing. I've very much appreciated the international travel and other things my current income level has allowed. But at the end of the day I don't think it will matter how many shiny things I own or whether I had another exotic vacation. I want very much to have made a difference during the time I was on this planet. I think this job would allow me to accomplish that in a meaningful way. So I'll give it my best shot and see how it all unfolds.

Cross your fingers and say a prayer everyone. I think this one could be the one.

Loyalty

I'm finding myself feeling frustrated with the way Blogger has changed.

They took away my color palate. They took away my ability to click on topics in the interest list in my profile to find like minded others.

Both of these things annoy me to no end.

But is it time to make the switch to TypePad? I'm not sure.

I do not consider myself a "loyal" blogger user. I use this because it's where I got started with blogging a year and a half ago and I know my way around the navigation tools, so it is easy for me. If at any time in the future I find that some other blog tool appears to offer more advantages, I will definitely jump ship.

I see no advantage whatsoever in sticking with Blogger out of "loyalty". I use it so long as it meets my needs, period.

That got me thinking, however, to what things DO merit a dose of loyalty, and how far that kind of commitment should evoke my continued support.

In his book, The Loyalty Effect Fred Reicheld defines loyalty as "the willingness to make an investment or personal sacrifice to strengthen a relationship."

This would imply that there is no loyalty required or expressed any time I continue an association with a person, product, organization or group that is completely meeting my needs. Loyalty only truly comes into play when I continue to support a team that is losing, when I stand by a friend who is going through hard times, when I stick with a job even though I have another one offered to me, or in some other way maintain a relationship when there are both reasons and opportunity to leave.

At what point is loyalty an honorable trait and when does it become just plain stupid?

How long does it make sense to remain friends with someone who continually annoys or embarrasses you, simply because you've known that person for over ten years?

Is it positive or foolhardy to stick to a job out of "loyalty" when another company calls to make a better offer?

Would I continue to patronize a restaurant out of loyalty if the food was bad and the prices were high? I doubt it.

My husband is a person who highly values good service. If a store, restaurant or most any type of service provider treats him well he will go back time and time again even if they are out of the way or charge more than their competition. He views this as becoming a "loyal" customer. I don't. I see it as him continuing to choose to do business with folks who meet his needs. He just happens to value friendly and efficient service over price or location. IF those businesses started ignoring him or being surly I suspect my beloved would drop them like a hot potato.

The term "fair weather friend" is generally perceived as a derisive label. We look unfavorably upon those who will only follow their own self interest. Yet the flip side of that is we often lose respect for someone who allows themselves to be repeatedly taken advantage of or treated badly and does nothing about it. Those guys seem spineless.

So where does loyalty come into the equations? When the going gets rough in a relationship - be it friends, business, or whatever - where does it make sense to hold on and where does it make sense to cut your losses and let go?

Things to do before I die....

Ever since reading Mimi's post I've been mulling over in my mind what my own list of "things to do before I die" might look like.

If you had asked me in my 30's or early 40's I would have had quite a lengthy list. It used to be terribly important to me that I accomplish certain milestones.

But as I approach my half century mark, I find I'm less concerned these days with acquiring or accomplishing or any of that old stuff.

I've written in earlier posts about Stephen Shapiro's work on Goal Free Living. When I first started reading his work I was outraged - it sounded like utter blasphemy to me to give away all my carefully crafted goals. I thought that without goals I'd be reduced to a slug, never accomplishing anything. His views seemed like an utter cop out.

But now that I've read more and thought more, I think I am starting to get it.

It is helpful for me to have a general direction to move in, and to clarify what my values are. But when I lock myself into trying to accomplish very particular goals, then I close myself off from being able to recognize blessings and successes that come in other forms.

So instead of saying I will lose 20 lbs by the end of the year, (who are we kidding, anyway) I now say "I will strive to be more healthy". If I want to lose 20 lbs (without a major amputation) but for one reason or another (such as doughnuts, fried foods or general sloth) I only lose 15 lbs, then I've "Failed" the specific goal. But if what I really want is to be more healthy - every step closer I get becomes a success.

If I say "I want to go to Italy for my 50th birthday" and then at the last minute I chose to go to India or Nepal instead, I would have forfeited my original dream. However, if I say "I want to experience adventures and explore the world" no matter WHERE I go - (well, maybe not Gila Bend) I am in line with my values and appreciating the opportunity.

So this takes me back to my personal mission statment I crafted earlier:

I live with passion, faith and integrity.
I contribute to my family, community and the world.
I honor my own physical, mental, emotional and spiritual needs.
I continually strive for life long learning and personal growth.

As I let go of particular MUST DO lists, I feel lighter, more content. I remain open to all manner of great experiences and opportunities. But I won't be checking any of them off any predetermined list. I'll just wait and let the world surprise me. Is that a cop out? Maybe. But for now, it seems to fit.

Keeping things in perspective??

Like a lot of people across the country I've been struggling with all sorts of emotions in response to the recent tragedy of the shootings at VT.

Greg Burgas has a bit different take on it over at Delenda Est Carthago. His post about the senseless crime brings up several different issues for me.

What sort of things does it make sense for me to get "upset" about? What sort of things is it appropriate for me to shrug my shoulders over and simply let go?

I believe apathy is a spirit murdering monster. I think being passionately connected to life and other people really matters. However, I recognize that with that passion comes mind wrenching sorrow and outrage when things go wrong.

There is ALWAYS something wonderful, magnificent, miraculous and kind occurring somewhere on the planet every moment of every day. There are also ALWAYS layers of depravity, cruelness, senseless atrocity and just plain ugly meanness. What is the best way for me to respond to that? Some would say you manifest whatever it is you focus on, so choose to focus on the good. Others would say we must be attuned to what's wrong around us in order to be a part of making things better.

But I'm not talking here about things I can take social action to change. I'm talking about world events in general - things utterly beyond my sphere of influence. What do I allow into my emotional radar screen and what do I choose to remain oblivious to? What things will I stay neutral to or uninvolved with and what will I allow to have major impact on my heart?

If I go around feeling hysterical because of all the bad there is in the world, eventually I emotionally short circuit to the point that I'm less able to function. So, almost as a matter of self preservation, I "tune out" thinking about or responding to many layers of the world's pain. But how far should I shut off the faucets of my empathy for others? At what point it it acceptable to me to NOT be involved?

I makes perfect sense to me that I generally care more about what happens to my immediate family than I care about what happens to strangers in another state. But when does what happens to stranger matter to me?

What makes the difference whether YOUR pain impacts MY heart?

I certainly don't think media is a good indicator of what is or is not important.

During the genocide the Hutu people of Rwanda carried out against the Tutsies, thousands upon thousands of men, women and children were brutally murdered in a period of just a few months. But it barely make the six o'clock news here.

Yet when one little blond, blue eyed girl in Colorado named Jon Bennet Ramsey was murdered, every news station and tabloid covered the case extensively for months. This was done while completely overlooking the fact that HUNDREDS of other little kids went missing or were found dead all across the country the very same week as Jon Bennet. But we never heard most of their names, unless they were in our same town or related to someone we knew.

Right now the country is reeling in shock from the senseless violence that occurred at Virginia Tech. But how many people were shot dead in single person crimes yesterday? How many died from snake bite? How many learned their beloved had betrayed them? How many lost their jobs?

WHAT does it take for me to care about another person's suffering? Is it the number? Is it the amount of detailed information available? Is it how closely their life resembles my own?

How to tell when to care, when to cry, when to cringe and move on.... there are no simple answers to that for me.

What I want to be when I grow up...

I have a job interview scheduled for Monday. I'm trying to be confidant and optimistic without getting my hopes up too far. I'm pretty sure I'm a strong contender for the position, but there's no telling what my competiton is. I don't want to be cocky about it no matter how perfect the match seems to me. Also, I don't want to set myself up for bitter disappointment if I am not chosen for the job. But whether I am the candidate of choice or not, I haven't entirely decided whether I will take the job if it is offered. I KNOW that I want them to pick me, so that I will have the option available to me if I choose it. Still, I do not know whether I will pick them. Most confusing of all, I'm not even entirely sure what criteria to base the decision on.

There are things about my current job that I like very much. There are things about it that I like not at all. Isn't that the way it is with most jobs?? However, no matter what the good, the bad or the ugly...my job is like a container of yogurt with a set expiration date. I work for a particular grant that is going to end next year. So some time between now and then I will need to find a new position. I'm not opposed to sticking it out where I am to the very end of the grant. But I also have no sense of obligation to do so. If I find the right match with a new job that meets my needs and will be more permanent, I'd be a fool not to take it.

So I've been giving quite a bit of thought to what I want from a job and what I am willing to give. .

I've done a lot of different things in the past. PRE college I had the usual assortment of crummy jobs that I endured to pay the bills: phone solicitor, factory worker, dishwasher, clerical. I once was hired to stand outside of a health spa with a sign advertising their special promotion, waving at cars.

Since running the gauntlet of graduate school I've had different options... juvenile probation officer, HIV/AIDS intervention, crisis intervention counselor, consultant in a women's prison, adjunct college instructor, marketing director, training coordinator, survey research coordinator, executive director of a non profit where I managed a food bank, did homeless case management, protective payee services and more. So along the way I've picked up an eclectic assortment of skills and had some interesting experiences; But what next? What do I want the next chapter of my career to be?

Some days I think I'll just get some job that pays a living wage and plug away at it - believing that work is NOT my real life, it merely pays the bills so I can meet my temporal obligations as I follow my passions in other ways. But the reality is I spend more of my waking hours at my job than I do with the people I love or the projects I'm interested in. So I DO want my work to be something I can believe in and find meaningful.

I have no illusions that I'm going to go out and do grand things to change the world. But I do want to have a job that allows me to have a positive impact on the lives of the people I serve. In the end, the money is important, but is truly only a fraction of what keeps me motivated to pour my dedication into whatever work I do. I will do far more for personal loyalty to a boss I respect or commitment to a cause than I ever will for company bonuses.

So I'm praying for discernment as I go to this job interview, to be able to be sensitive to the cues people will give me that will indicate what sort of job this will be. I've had a couple friends tell me "if it is supposed to happen you will get the job, but if not then it simply wasn't meant to be." I don't buy that one bit. I don't really believe God cares what job I take. He doesn't give a rip if I am a plumber or a chicken farmer or a teacher or a circus ticket taker. I think all He cares about is how I treat people where ever I land and that I perform ethically to the best of my ability. I don't think there is any job out there that is my true destiny.

Still ... I know I am more suited to some sorts of work than I am to others. And I definitely know there are certain management styles I respond well to and some that I find abominable. I have worked for two or three remarkable people who were priceless gifts and a few fiends that taught me what to avoid. So I am considering all that as I prepare for this upcoming interview and considering my options. It will be interesting to see how it plays out.

Peace Train

The song Peace Train by Cat Stevens (Now known as Yusuf Islam) has long been a favorite of mine. There is a wonderful little slide show of pictures of Terhan, Iran set to this tune which really touched my spirit.

Many thanks to Leo Sadorf for sharing this.The images are by Saleh Ara who maintains a photo blog of scenes from Iran.

I think it is tremendously valuable for westerners to get a different glimpse of the Muslim world than what we ordinarily have portrayed in our media.

These are our brothers and sisters.

When I was in Egypt this past November I had a wonderful conversation with my guide, Ossama Sharaf, about how media gives distorted images of other people and places. It works both ways. We are led to believe that the Islamic world is primarily populated by fanatic terrorists. In Egypt, many people there get their impressions of what Americans are like from the television shows like The Bold and the Beautiful and The Jerry Springer Show.

From the page on Jerry Springer Show it says: "The Jerry Springer Show is probably most known for its foul mouths, excessive fighting, excessive nudity and wacky stories. Nearly every episode, if not all, have at least one bleeped over foul word. Then there's the sound effects. A clanging bell indicates it's time for a fight! Whenever a fat woman shows her boobs, the sound of a cow going "MOO!" is heard. "

Is it any wonder we are perceived as immoral, self indulgent, violent, greedy monsters by some?

That picture is no more accurate of Americans as a whole than the images of women-hating extremists are that we are indoctorinated with.

There are cases of cruelty and shame that are tragically real in BOTH places - here and in the land of Islam. There are also wonderful, caring people who love their families and worship their God in both lands.

I pray for the day that we may know peace with our brothers and sisters, both here and abroad.

INTEGRITY

I had been reading "Living a Life That Matters" by Rabbi Harold Kushner.
I didn't finish it before it was time to take it back to the library, but I got some good stuff out of it nonetheless.

However, I'm still pondering over a particular passage to decide what meaning it has for me.

Rabbi Kushner writes:

“integrity means being whole, unbroken, undivided. It describes a person who has united the different parts of his or her personality, so that there is no longer a split in the soul. When your soul is divided, part of you wants to do one thing while part wants to do something else…. You are at war with yourself, and the struggle leaves you uncomfortable. When you have integrity, all of your aspirations are focused in one direction. Like the karate expert who can break a board with his bare hands by focusing all his strength on one spot, the person of integrity, the person whose soul in not fragmented; can do great things by concentrating all of his energies on a single goal. For the person of integrity, life may not be easy but it is simple: Figure out what is right and do it. All other considerations come in second.”

I can't even imagine a world of such consistency. My inner experience has always been filled with tremendous contradictions.

The thing is...I'm wondering if I am prone to reject Kushner's definition of integrity simply because to accept that view would so utterly disqualify me, or if I sincerely believe in an alternate model of what it means to bear integrity.

In my mind it's about being honest, principled, trustworthy. To me, it means doing what's right even when my inner self may be warring, fractured and inconsistent - much the same way that true bravery is NOT the absence of fear but rather taking courageous acts in the face of abundant fear.

I believe I can experience and express integrity even though my inconsistent soul often tumbles and turns through a myriad of different longings, beliefs, behaviors, and ways of being.

Or am I just kidding myself?

Pair - o'- Ducks

Life is full of paradox.
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I had a recent conversation with a dear friend of mine about the challenge of shifting perception away from either/or forced choices about values, actions, and even identity to open up the possibility of being able to embrace a world of both/and. We spoke of the factors that influence us to assuming we must choose one or the other aspect of who we are, how we will live, or what we will believe when in reality the opportunity to embrace it all is right before us. We talked of the difference between hypocrisy (claiming one thing but acting otherwise) and acceptance of valid contradictions, where we might somehow simultaneously BELIEVE or EXPERIENCE things that seem to be polar opposites.
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I guess it was one of those "ya had to be there" sort of conversations...because it really seemed to resonate with meaning for both of us at the time, but I'm at a loss for really explaining either what we said or the impact it had at the time.
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It can feel unsettling to hold firm with both parts of seeming contradictions. Yet those very contradictions often turn out to be my best teachers.
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I'm learning how to be more comfortable with my discomfort, and to let things play out their own music without my having to take control to set boundaries that make me feel safe.

I'm rambling, I know. But there's a kernel of something that matters in here somewhere. I just have to find it, and hold it close to consider for a while.

Am I a Snob??

I am currently enrolled in a leadership training program at a local college. One evening each week I go for seminars that are supposed to teach me how to make those tough power decisions, how to lead people effectively, how to craft policy, etc etc. The actual content of the classes so far have not really given me any new information, but I figured it would be worth participating in this program for the contacts I’d make and the networking I could do.

My current job goes away at the end of the grant period, so I know I will be changing positions sometime in the next year and a half. During that time I want to clarify my values regarding what sort of work I’d really like to do and get myself established in a work environment (and possibly a different community) where I can make a positive contribution and feel a sense of connection.

So when I went to my class Thursday evening, one of the specific outcomes I was looking for was to meet two or three people who might be a good resource for me to model or learn from as I sort out my future option. There were about 18 participants in the seminar sitting at tables that each held 3 people. I got there early, so I sat down in an empty room and looked over the materials as I waited to see who else would come.

As it turned out, the two other people who sat by me were both unemployed middle age women with limited educations who were taking classes in the hope of it helping them get work. Neither of them had ever held professional positions and their idea of what a “good” job was seemed to be light years different from my perspective. They were nice enough ladies. But they were clearly NOT the sort of contacts I had been hoping to meet.

Throughout the seminar I would catch myself looking longingly over at some of the other groups, wishing I’d sat in a different spot. There were plenty of movers and shakers in the room. Just not at my table. I stayed with those women and made conversation in a positive way. Yet I felt myself rather dismissing them because it didn’t appear that either one of them had much to offer me in terms of either mentoring or peer rapport, the things I was specifically hoping to get.

Ever since that experience I’ve been doing some self examination about my expectations and how I interact with other people. In my private social life I really don’t give a rip how much education a person has or what type of work they do. I have friends with GED and friends with PhD, and enjoy the company of folks across a wide spectrum of the socio economic ladder. So I don’t really think of myself as being a snob. What I look for in people I hang out with is authenticity, an open & curious mind, and positive enthusiasm for life. The more a person displays THOSE characteristics, the more I generally enjoy being around them regardless of what the details of their history are or what their current social position may be.

However, in this particular seminar setting, I paid big bucks to go get some professional training and networking opportunities. So in that context, I was looking specifically for how I could get the most return on my investment. I was more than willing to offer the knowledge & resources I had to others, but I also wanted a chance to find some value in return.

I never thought of myself as being a better or more important human being than the two women at my table. But, clearly, I felt like they were not even in the same league as me professionally. In that particular context they appeared to have nothing to offer. As such, I wanted to move on.

So why didn't I? I suppose I could have excused myself and moved to a different table. However, I sat with those two women through the remainder of the evening and was able to give one of them some tips about a couple different job opening that I knew of. Rather than finding a resource, I became a resource for someone else. That’s a good thing, right?

I suppose so, in a way. Still, I felt really disappointed about how the evening had played out. Beyond that, I cringed with dread as I was leaving when one of them said “see you next week, save us a spot, ok?” I have NO intention of sitting with them again. My rationale is that I want to sit with different people EVERY time so that I meet the widest range of people possible. But I know in my heart that had they been powerful movers and shakers I would have felt honored to be invited to join them again. So if I’m being really honest with myself, I have to admit that I was judging them negatively and planning to move away from them in the future based on their lack of education and professional experience.

I hate it when I catch myself judging people.

And yet…I am mindful of an experience I had when my sons were in middle school. They had a group of kids playing in the yard. A couple other kids I did not know showed up and wanted to play, My oldest son told them no, they could not participate in the game and they had to leave. I was very concerned about this so I called my son in to talk about it. I asked him why he wouldn’t include the other boys. He said “Mom, I know you are always teaching me to be accepting of other people, and that’s fine. But there are some people who you just don’t want playing in your yard.”

We had a long talk about that – who we have as friends and who we don’t and why. I’ve never forgotten that conversation. I’ve also never entirely come to terms with my own ambivalence over who I will include in my social circle and who I will not.

In my church congregation I can honestly say there is not one single person I would be unwilling to take a meal to if they were sick or to help in some other way if it were in my power to do so. Yet there are plenty of people I have no desire to be “friends” with. These people I greet in a polite manner, but keep myself somewhat aloof from. I can think of one particular woman who made overtures of trying to get to know me better when I first moved here. She and her husband have few friends and really seemed to want to get to know my husband and I as potential new buddies. I almost immediately sensed them both to be energy vampires, fearing if I spent any extended time around either one of them they’d suck the life right out of me. So I pulled way, way back. I’ve always suspected I may have hurt their feelings by my total unwillingness to be friends with them. I’m “nice” to them and always make a point of going over to shake hands and say hello. But I have no desire or willingness to include them in my personal life.

So what does that say about me?

The flip side of all this is my very vivid memories of moving into a community 2 moves ago where I was trying diligently to make new friends. One particular woman who I was eager to get to know better completely shut me off, telling me outright “I already have a circle of friends and I just don’t have time for another right now. I appreciate that you would like to get together, but I have to be very selective of the commitments I make so I really don’t have room in my life for what you want to do.” She did however accommodate OTHER people who came in new on the scene. Just not me. I remember how that stung.

I’m thinking of all this in context of who I associate with and who I do not. Our time and emotional resources are limited cups. We cannot possibly give everyone equal access to our schedules or our hearts. Yet what criteria will I use to decide who gets on the boat of my attention and positive regard and who does not?

There have been three particular people that I have really tried to “make friends with” here who I thought would be lots of fun to know, but who did not reciprocate. There are others who have reached out to me that I have deliberately withdrawn from.

What does it mean to “love thy neighbor”? Where does my social/spiritual obligation or opportunity start and stop?

Situational Ethics and the Case for Torture

The essay that I have to analyze this week for my WR 122 class is actually a blog posting. Go figure. The piece in question is "Situational Ethics and the Case for Torture" by McQ over at the Q & O Blog. This posting is printed in my textbook along with a variety of others - Like John Ashcroft's testimony to the Senate Committee on the Judiciary extolling the virtues of the PATRIOT act and a piece on post 9/11 Racial Profiling.

My task for the class, as I've noted before, is NOT to argue the issues at hand, but rather to analyze how well the writers used evidence to make their points or to assess which specific rhetorical devices they use in effort to persuade.

It is an interesting exercise. It definitely helps stretch my capacity for critical thinking. Some weeks it goes smoother than others. This week I am in a "my dog ate my homework" frame of mind. But even when it gets tedious, I'm kinda diggin' the class. It exposes me to writing to think about that I probably would not have seen otherwise.

It terms of what McQ has to say....

Is there EVER a justification for torture? If you could save 5 or 20 or 300 lives by doing something abominable to one or two or three people identified as "terrorists" to elicit critical information, would that make it ok?

It seems to me the whole point of his posting is NOT about terrorism or torture at all. Rather, it is about principles. Do the ends justify the means? If you claim to believe in and support human rights can circumstances justify violating that principle?

The strength of McQÂ’s essay, IMHO, is his ability to clearly focus on issues rather than resorting to emotionally charged attacks, personal criticism or down right name calling which, sadly, seems to be so prevalent in the blogosphere. He shows a respectful engagement with others in dialogue, even when it is clear he disagrees with them.

I was exposed to this guy as a simple homework assignment. I can tell I will want to do more reading over in that direction as time goes by.

WEEK 5

This is the week my Intro Sociology class begins talking about social stratification. It's always interesting to hear what the students have to say about the division of "haves" and "have nots" in our society. Even though I teach the course online and never see their faces, I can get a real sense of them beginning to squirm with some of the discussion posting I read.

These are the questions we're working on this week:

WELFARE - Poverty in America is a serious social problem. Various explanations have been given for why there are so many poor in a nation as rich as ours. One perception is that our government’s welfare system has robbed people of their sense of self-determination, creating a generation of able-bodied people who expect a hand-out rather than being willing to work. Others claim that a just and compassionate government must provide a safety net for its citizens, particularly in light of the shifting economy, which offers so few family-wage jobs. Do you believe our current welfare system is more functional or dysfunctional for our nation? Why?


SOCIAL MOBILITY - To what extent to you believe it is possible for someone from a lower class background to move up in society to become upper class if he or she is determined to do so and works very hard at it? What factors would you consider most important if a person wants to shift his/her position in society? What factors might serve as barriers to such a change?

ABSOLUTE POVERTY VS RELATIVE DEPRIVATION - Because there is such great wealth in the hands of some in the U.S., and a great deal of commercial exposure to the range of material goods available, those who live modestly may feel poor even if all their basic needs are met. Different people have different ideas about what standard of living is “good enough” for them. What has had the greatest impact on how you feel about your own material circumstances in relation to that of your community and/or other family members? What factors do you believe have the greatest impact on whether or not a person will feel satisfied with what they have?


I thought I'd toss out those same questions here and see if any of my blogger buddies might care to venture an opinion.

What's in this stuff?

In the writing class I am currently taking, the assignments are to read various essays each week and then to write an analysis of the arguments presented. I am NOT to get involved in whether I agree or disagree with the arguments themselves. Instead, I merely assess the tactics that were used to present them, then state whether or not they were effective and why.

That’s all well and good. I genuinely do see how assessing arguments this way helps hone my critical thinking and will in all likelihood make me more mindful of the sorts of devises I use in my own writing. But what about the ISSUES that are raised about these topics? Where do I go to sort out my thoughts, opinions and feelings about them?

You guessed it…in the paraphrased words of the Big Bad Wolf to Little Red Riding Hood, “why, all the better to blog you with, my dear!”

The one I am currently working on is Biotech Agriculture and the Ethics of Food Production. There are a collection of short essays taking various sides on the question of whether or not genetically engineered food is safe for human consumption, along with the ethical debate over whether or not such foods should be required to be labeled at such so that consumers can make informed choices about what they are eating.

So I raise the question….if you are drinking Soy milk that was made from “Roundup-Ready” soybeans, would you care? Basically “Roundup Ready” means the soybean seeds were tinkered with so that farmers could spray the herbicide roundup on the field to kill all the nasty weeds without hurting the soybeans. That makes it much easier for them to manage problems of all the invasive plants that creep into fields without hurting the cash crop.

Is this important to you?

Now, just to be perfectly clear...I have NO idea whether or not the makers of SILK soymilk or any other brand use transgenic soybeans or not. The brand I buy says "Organic" so my guess would be those do not. My concern is - once the soybeans are harvested, how does one know if they are "natural" or "transgenic"? I'm still learning about the regulations involved. Should soybean growers (or other food producers) have to disclose EVERYTHING that was ever sprayed on their crops? Should they have to disclose certain classes of things only? What about crops that are NOT directly sprayed, but are planted right next door to ones that are? Do I need to worry about drift issues and groundwater?

When I buy produce in a grocery store I don't always pay attention to where my fruit and veggies come from. However, I have noted that there are increasing numbers of crops being imported here from other countries, some of which have far less regulation that we do about what sorts of chemicals can or cannot be used.

In light of the recent California freeze, chances are a lot of the citrus and strawberries we see in shops later on will be coming from South America or Australia rather than here. Should we expect there to be a label telling us if there has been any genetic development in the seed of a plant? (Currently there is none).

How important is this to you?

Choosing Colors

I'm hoping to get my bedroom painted sometime in the next couple months. However, I'm having a tough time selecting a color. Right now the ceiling and top half of the walls are sort of a buttery yellow and the bottom half of the walls are a bluish-purple, with the two colors separated by a wallpaper border of flowers and ribbons incorporating both colors against a white background. There is white carpet and white battenburg lace valances over the windows. The whole thing is MUCH too Martha Stewart looking for my tastes. So I'm ready to pick something new. However, after looking at dozens of paint chips I'm baffled about what to try next.

The fact that the room is 18 x 20 with 14' vaulted ceilings makes painting the place a bit of a challenge...but also makes it that much more important to me. That's A LOT of yellow right now and I just don't care for it.

It's amazing how much color can influence mood. I read once about a jail that painted all their cells a certain shade of pink because it was supposed to be "calming".

I definitely don't want pink.

I'm looking at several shades of beige, sage green, and about 47 different colors of white. I'm thinking I want very neutral background and then may do a bold mural all across the one high wall and part of the ceiling.

Or I may do some sort of sponge-paint or feather-paint to give the walls a textured look. Dunno...

But this yellow definitely has go to go.

If it were just up to me I'd probably paint one wall a very BOLD color and then some quieter color to complement on the rest of the room. But hubby dearest isn't crazy about that idea. Last time I tried somethng BOLD I slected "Library Red" for the office nook under our stairs. My beloved decided after it was done that it looked like a murder scene - the color conjured up images of dried blood for him every time he went there, so he painted over it with some neutral beige. Based on that experience, I probably won't want to go with anything quite so dramatic this time. But I definitely want some WAKE UP AND SEE ME color in there somewhere.

What sort of colors do you like?

The Dog Turd Analogy

I do not watch any Rated “R” movies in theaters. I will, on occasion, watch the edited version on TV. However, lately it seems the networks are cutting out less and less, so my tolerance for those films is wearing thin as well.

I recognize that the movie rating system is rather arbitrary – some GREAT flicks are rated R and some truly dreadful films with lots of borderline material is rated PG-13. So I can’t entirely rely on the rating system. But it is a starting point for me to at least screen out those films that are pretty sure to have profanity, violence, or sex scenes.

I am less offended by most sex scenes than I am by the blatant violence that abounds in so many films. Still, what ever happened to the good old days when people would look longingly into one another’s eyes and then have the camera cut away to the crashing waves or a fireplace? I assure you, I have a very vivid imagination. I can figure out what happens next. I really don’t need to see people get naked and jump on each other. Watching other people get it on just isn’t all that entertaining for me.

I really dislike the violence. So many movies are going for the gore factor - not just needing to show you that someone was killed, but making sure they maximize the shock factor with as much blood and twitching as possible. YUCK! Those who routinely watch that sort of thing get to the point of being pretty desensitized to it all - crash scenes and shootouts every few minutes until the audience becomes numb to it all, leading to an ever increasing effort on the part of film makers to create scenes more titillating. No thanks. Not for me.

What offends me the most is the profanity. I HATE listening to cheap, coarse talk. I’ve heard people say: “Oh, it’s a really good movie. There’s this one part where they use some bad language, but other than that everything is really good.”

I equate that to the Dog Turd Analogy. If you went to a fancy banquet, where there was a beautiful table set with fine china and crystal, piled high with the most exquisite foods you ever did see – yet there was one tiny dog turd on the side of your plate, would you continue to eat from it? Could you just scoot the turd out of your way and ignore it while you savored the rest of the meal? I don’t know about you, but I could not. I would consider the whole dinner contaminated.

Or how about if someone offered you a glass of fine wine that you saw someone place just three or four drops of urine or blood into. You probably wouldn’t even taste it. Would you still drink the wine? I would not. (Ok, maybe that one is cheating since I don’t drink alcohol of any kind ….but you get my meaning.)

I find profanity offensive. I have been known to resort to it on occasion, (like when I hit my thumb with a hammer) but for the most part it’s not part of my every day speech.

What I find interesting is the degree to which I have tolerated it in some of the books I’ve read. In print I seem more willing to just bleep it out with the occasional foul mouth character comes along. If the stuff continues to crop up I have been known to put a book down. Bad language is what keeps me from reading any more of Patricia Cornwell’s Kay Scarpetta novels. Cornwell writes some great stuff, but there is that one foul mouthed cop that keeps turning up and his language is beyond what I am willing to bear.

I find it frustrating that I have no indicator for books like I do for movies. I hate it when I get 2/3 of the way through a novel and am engrossed in the plot, attached to the characters, only to get smacked in the face by several pages in a row sprinkled with curse words. (Such as the one I recently finished, "The Book of Fate.")

Why do writers find it necessary to use that kind of language? I've heard some people use the argument "it's realistic!" Yeah, well so are hangnails, tax audits and diarrhea and I don't much want to read about those either.

Vulgar words are all a bunch of poop in my book.

There are so many more eloquent ways to express thoughts and events.

Oh - and for those of you who were totally grossed out by the picture of a pile of poop up top of this posting...it's actually FOSSILIZED POOP, Cenozoic coprolite, reputedly from a carnivorous mammal. The organic matter in fossil poop has been completely replaced by minerals, and has no odor.

Still not something I want on my plate at a banquet, no matter what sort of stone it has become.

Facing My Fears

One of the perks of working for a community college is that I get free tution. After considering all the different things our winter schedule had to offer, this term I enrolled in two online classes: Intermediate Algebra and College Composition.

I do not "need" either of these courses for any program or credential. I have in fact completed comparable classes many moons ago when I did my undergrad degree. However, I want to learn what these classes have to offer, so I'm jumping in full blast with both feet. I am both nervous and excited about taking this challenge on.

I've NEVER been strong in math. Beyond that, having not used Algebra much for the past 20 years I've forgotten most of what I ever had learned. This Algebra class is a chance for me to face down my years-long math anxiety once and for all. I'm hoping that if I really apply myself this time, with the intent to truly master the concepts rather than merely jumping through hoops of college requirements, I can build a strength in place of the weakness I now have.

As for the college comp class ---I'm thinking it will help me polish my writing, my critical thinking and give me some practice in taking criticism with grace. At least that's what I hope to accomlish. I'm taking it from the toughest teacher on campus - a real gem of a guy who I like and respect, but someone I know has a well earned reputation of being a sadist with a red pen. He is a ruthless editor of student work and has incredibly high expectations. We'll see how it goes.

Then, last but not least, I've started swimming in the college pool a few days a week on my lunch hours. Most of my early life I was TERRIFIED of water. I experienced a couple nasty near drownings as a kid and never entirely let go of the fear those episodes triggered. I finally got over the worst of the panic as an adult and did learn to swim enough to get by, though not well. When my husband took up scuba diving I tried taking lessons twice so I could go with him on his adventures as his dive buddy...Not a chance! No matter how hard I tried, I just didn't have enough confidance in the water and having on all the equipment made me totally claustrophobic.

I've avoided water for the most part, with occassional forays that were never entirely comfortable. Now I am ready to try again. I'm doing pool time to give my body some much needed exercise and to get more comfortable just being in the water. I won't ever be a great swimmer. With practice, however, I can get stronger at it than I am and hopefully conquer that lingering anxiety.

Next term I'm planning to look for some "fun" classes, like maybe ceramics or yoga. But this time around I deliberately want to face my fears and give myself a chance to develop in these areas.

We'll see how it goes...

Welcome 2007

This will be my last posting for 2006.

Nothing too profound in store. I do tend to get rather reflective at the start of a new year. I am NOT, however, a maker of resolutions. There have been too many broken promises to myself in the past. All the hype for self improvement that starts on January 1 and usually peters out before Valentine's Day holds little allure for me. It feels too contrived. So I won't be making any "let's all be lemmings and run this way" sort of commitments to lose weight or keep up my journal or any of that other stuff.

However... that being said, there IS one new habit I am trying to instill, which has nothing whatsoever to do with the New Year.

I am making an effort to begin every day by taking just a few moments to stop and ask myself the following questions:

1) What am I grateful for?
2) What am I passionate about?
3) What can I learn that will be of value to me today?
4) What am I willing to do to both feel joy and bring it to others more abundantly?
5) What am I willing to no longer do to create that level of joy?
6) How can I deepen my relationship with my creator?
7) How can I strengthen my relationships with my family members?
8) What can I let go of today that is holding me back?
9) How can I experience and/or express love more fully with others?
10) How can I be more present to the current moment and appreciate it more fully?

I figure if I can work on answering those each day I'll be headed in the right direction.