Let the Whining Begin....

We've only been back to school for TWO WEEKS and I've already received my first whiny email from a student saying my class is too hard. I am not sympathetic.

I work hard to make sure my class is very engaging and that I continually tie it to real word examples to show its relevance. But I make no excuses, it IS hard. When my husband looks over the syllabus he smiles and say, "Babe, I love you but I'd drop your class."

So should about a third of those who sign up. Term after term students fail my classes NOT because they don't comprehend or can't do the work. They simply take on more than they can realistically accomplish (full time work, family responsibilities and full load of classes with no established study skills) and then blame me when I will not adjust deadlines when they find they have to work extra hours right before a major assignment is due.

I'm very clear in the beginning what my class involves and give them a detailed schedule of what is due when. I also make a big point of letting them know that anything turned in late will count half off and they only have a 4 day window for that beyond which I will not accept it at all. Do they not believe me?

I fully expect students to be feeling overwhelmed by week 7, but I've got 12 students out of 31 who are already falling behind in week 3. In talking to other faculty on campus, many of them are experiencing the same thing. A large proportion of our students sign up who just never follow through with the work. I find that a very troubling trend.

In an article on student entitlement Maryellen Weimer, PhD defines the issue as "a self-centered disposition characterized by a general disregard for traditional faculty relationship boundaries and authority” (p. 198), or it can be described more functionally: “a sense that they [students] deserve what they want because they want it and want it now.” (p. 197) "

Sadly I see increasing amounts of this, not just in my classrooms, but in society in general.

So many are concerned with their RIGHTS and what is owed to them without giving the same attention to their responsibilities. I see this as a dangerous trend that is gutting the vitality of our nation. There are so many examples....

For now I just take a deep breath and recommit to how I will communicate with my students. I will be firm but fair. I will be respectful of them and as supportive as possible. I'll work hard to keep my courses interesting and show how they are relevant to real live. But I will not budge when it comes to deadlines and rigor. Too many classes are watered down - especially when finances force schools to keep increasing class sizes. I well understand why many faculty cut back on writing assignments because they simply don't have the time or energy to grade all the work.
I'm not there yet. I'm keeping my bar high. It's exhausting at times. But I teach because it means something to me. I'll sleep when I'm dead.

The class is a pretty even split between males and females, young students just out of high school and older folks coming back after having lived some life.

Me thinks this is going to be a LOOOOONG semester. Oy veh.

Understanding Society

As I have been researching various topics for the Intro Sociology course I teach at CWI I came across an intriguing collection of resources at the website Understanding Society by Daniel Little at University of Michigan. This is a very robust website with all sorts of tools (blogs, podcasts, YouTube interviews, Twitter feeds, etc)for examining society and how social scientists approach their world.

After spending more time than I care to admit noodling around on the various pages I was reminded all over again what drew me to the science of sociology in the first place. I am utterly fascinated by examining the twin forces of society: what creates stability and what creates social change.

As I went through my first day of classes on Monday I found myself flowing in the zone of guiding intro students to the idea that SOCIAL FORCES have more to do with the choices we make than individual preference. That of course does not mean we are robots being manipulated by our society. Yet the whole idea that individuals are not uniquely in charge of their own destiny is sometime quite difficult for American students to fathom. I love the challenge of helping them both comprehend and confront that.

It does no good to be overwhelmed or angry at the idea that social institutions and the power elite with their own agendas are limiting my options. Instead, I encourage students to PUSH those limits, which can only be done by first understanding them.

I'm excited for the new semester. The first four weeks are generally euphoric for me as I begin each term full of hope and excitement. Of course, by week 7 I will be overwhelmed with grading and discouraged by lackluster students who don't even bother to show up regularly. Still, every term I find my core group of people who get excited about what they are learning. We enter that magical, sacred dance of teaching and learning, where we take turns showing each other new ideas, different perspectives and ways of defining our world - savoring the process of making meaning and finding new knowledge. Honestly, this is what I was born to do, and it is such an absolute privilege I am still astonished there are schools that actually pay me to "perform" tasks that are so hardwired to my DNA that it's like telling a fish to swim.

I've taught adjunct courses in Michigan, Washington, Oregon and now Idaho. I love this more than anything else I've ever done. Would I do it full time if I had the chance? Absolutely - even though the very idea of that gives me some trepidation.

Would doing it day in and day out with a 5 or 6 course load burn me out on the one thing that absolutely fuels my passion? I don't have the answer to that. But since right now it's not an option, I don't have to worry about that. For now I will continue to teach in tandem with my full time job, putting my heart and soul into my classes. Down the road, if a full time position ever does open, that is a risk I would most definitely take.

No more teaching for me

Well, I got the word.

They hired the other person. I did NOT get the teaching job I had applied for. They said I interviewed very well and obviously had great background, but they made the choice to go with their adjunct instructor who they already knew. From the sound of it, it was a forgone conclusion. They knew who they wanted before the process ever started. GEE, we've never seen THAT happen before have we??

Of course I am disappointed. It felt like such a right match. But I'm not giving up. I'm STILL determined to find a job that will take us to Idaho. I just don't know yet what that will be.

Next on the hit list -

I'm still in the running to be Ass. Director of the Women's Center at Boise State and as Executive Director for a non profit that serves the elderly.
If not either one of those, I'll find something else. Every trip we have made there has confirmed for me that it is the right place for us to be. It WILL happen. Just not the way I thought.

Sad to close the door on my days as a teacher. I was really good at that. Also it is rather scary to have nothing for sure in the wings since my job at STAR comes to a close in July. But it will work out. I'm sure of that.

John Lennon was right. Life really is what happens while we are making other plans. It will be ok.

Limbo Land

I'm still waiting to hear about the teaching job I interviewed for. It has been an interesting process to watch how hope, fear, excitement, and dread keep looping around in my head.

I want this job. Still, I am fearful about assuming the role of full time faculty.
For the past dozen years I've always had some OTHER sort of job for my full time bread and butter work and then done my teaching one or two nights a week (or online) on the side. WORK was something I did to pay the bills. TEACHING was something I did to feed my passion. I have some concern that if my passion becomes my work I may burn out on the one thing that I truly love.

Christmas is fun, but I wouldn't want to do it every day. If it was always Christmas, it would cease to be special.

One of the primary reasons diamonds are considered valuable is that they are relatively rare.

If I am teaching day in, day out year after year after year will it lose the magic?

Part of me thinks it would be better to get some OTHER sort of job in Idaho so I could continue that pattern of keeping my teaching as something "extra" on the side.

But another side of me says I'm sick to death of balancing two jobs and I sincerely do want to turn in my crazy workaholic membership. I want to achieve greater BALANCE in my world. I want the time to simply be and breathe.

IF I were teaching full time one of the blessings would be having my job be doing something I really love. But an equally potent blessing would be having all those yummy breaks away from the work. Week off for spring break, week off for Thanksgiving, two weeks off for Christmas, three months off for summer...yeah, I could get used to that.

But I have heard nothing back from the school yet. I thought I would by now. I KNOW these things take time... but when I interviewed on the 22nd they said they had it narrowed down to just me and one other person, and they hoped to make a decision by the following week. Well, that week has now come and gone without a peep from the college.

What does that mean?
It may mean that they are just slower than they had hoped.
It may mean that I missed this opportunity.
Right now there is no way to know.

So I wait...with hope and fear, excitement and dread.

This uncertainty and anticipation are not my favorite place to be.

But it is what it is.

So I wait.

Pins and Needles

I'm in Idaho once again - scheduled for my SECOND interview for the full time sociology faculty job I am hoping for. Yes indeed, I made the first cut into the final top three.

I have SERIOUS butterflies. I am trying to let go of all expectation, to simply trust God and the universe to know what is best. I keep trying to pray "thy will be done." But I WANT this so bad I can taste it. It seems like such a right fit for both me and for my family for MANY different reasons.

DON'T get your hopes up I tell myself - stay in a state of optimistic acceptance of whatever may come to pass. But it's too late. Once I got the call that I made the cut my hopes did all sorts of flip flops in my belly. I do want it with a keening hunger that steals my breath.

Heck, I got so excited about the possibility I started pulling books off my many bookshelves and packing to move. Yeah, I get it that is WAY premature. But I had so much nervous energy I couldn't help myself. I packed 10 boxes which are all neatly labled. Garden books. Paperback novels. Old classics. Church books. Sociology books. This isn't a matter of being over confident. I TOTALLY get it that I do not have this job wrapped up. It was more a matter of completely focusing on the reality I desire and preparing for that to happen. It's not that big of a deal if I have to put the books back. If I DO get to move as I want to then yippee, I'm ahead of the game.

I pray for calm. I pray for willingness to accept whatever comes. But right on the heels of that I keep falling back to: Please God, please, please please, if it be possible, let this opportunity come.

I'll be on pins and needles till I hear. I have some nagging concern that if the answer is no - not this job, not this time, not this place that I just may crash and burn. I would hope not. But I suspect the disappointment would be huge. So I am trying to put on the brakes for my eager anticipation about having this particular dream come true. Maybe this is something else all together. Maybe this is just to be a test of my resilience? Maybe this is one more experience of coping with heartache and loss?

I KNOW God lives, I KNOW God loves me, I KNOW God hears my prayers. Yet I also know that sometimes the answer to those prayers is no. I trust that when He does say no that it is not capricious disregard. I know He has my very best interest at heart. But I also know that a big part of this fallen mortal world is to test and refine us and that adversity is a huge part of that plan.

So while I trust & have faith that in the ETERNAL realm whatever happens will be for my good, I do not trust that it will work out feeling good NOW.

So I'm worried and nervous, scared and all wobbly inside.

Oh, how I want this.

But I will breathe deep and do the best I can to be calm.

Interview at 11:30 today Idaho time.

I'll let ya know how it goes.

Finding My Fit

On Friday I interviewed for a full time teaching position at a community college in Idaho. The interview went extremely well. At no point in the process did I feel like I was posing or trying to SEEM like what they wanted. I was simply able to present myself as authentically as possible and describe the way my background would be a match for their needs. EVERY single question they asked seemed like a match to my strengths. Then I did a 15 minute teaching demonstration that went very well. Through the whole process I felt like I was "In the Zone", able to communicate clearly from my own personal best space. There is not one single thing I would change about anything I said.

So now I wait to see if I make it to the next round in the selection process. I think it would be an ideal match. But for all I know, they could have known exactly who they wanted for the job before the screening ever began - which happens a fair amount in academia. What I know for sure is that if for any reason I do not get this job it will not be due to any misstep on my part. I gave it my very best shot. Now I just wait to see how it all unfold.

Absolute Poverty vs Relative Deprivation

I've been working on my online classes to get them ready for winter term. I came across this question that is posted for the unit on social class & mobility:

"Because there is such great wealth in the hands of some in the U.S., and a great deal of commercial exposure to the range of material goods available, those who live modestly may feel poor even if all their basic needs are met. Different people have different ideas about what standard of living is “good enough” for them. What has had the greatest impact on how you feel about your own material circumstances in relation to your community and/or other family members? What factors do you believe have the greatest impact on whether or not a person will feel satisfied with what they have?"

That question got me thinking...

I grew up poor without the advantages of summer camps or music lessons. I wore hand me down clothes most my life as a child and didn't have much in the way of pretty things. I used to think having matching furniture and wall to wall carpet in your house meant you were rich.

I've heard lots of people who grew up in similarly humble circumstances say that in retrospect they realized their family had been poor when they were little, but that they had never really been aware of that at the time. That was not the case for me. I was very, very aware of my family's low status. My parents fought incessantly about debts and things we could not afford. I heard snide comments from other people about the way we lived. Even when I was quite young, I defined my life as lacking basic things other people took for granted. I used to dream of one day living in a pretty house and having enough - not being RICH necessarily, but simply having ENOUGH.

I left that home at sixteen to marry my first husband. During that volatile seven year marriage we lived pretty much hand to mouth, bouncing around from one rented hovel to the next as my ex husband seldom held a steady job very long and a lot of what money he did bring in went to getting high. We were on food stamps most of the time and had no health insurance. We took our kids to county hospital if they got sick.

Fast forward several years to when I married my current husband. We struggled our first 10 years together, but it was a different kind of struggle. Once all the bills were paid and the groceries bought there was not much of anything left over. But the key thing is all the bills WERE paid on time and we never had to worry about having enough groceries. We bought a house and were stable in ways I had never known. We NEVER had shut off notices from the utilities and our standards were about establishing decent credit and putting away a little saving for the future. (Savings? Unheard of in my former life.)

Then there were some promotions for my man and eventually our kids were emancipated. Since we no longer were paying for the many expenses of raising our boys and then I was available to start working full time suddenly we had a level of discretionary income I'd never known before.

We were always pretty scrupulous about living within our means and having some savings. To do that we had to watch the budget closely. We seldom went to the movies or out to eat. We did not buy a lot of "STUFF". It took a while to pay off my student loans and pay for a car - but we did it. Eventually the only debt we had in the world was our mortgage, and that was manageable. We had two or three credit cards and used them plenty, but always made sure they were paid off in full every month.

Once we got to that point my man and I started taking some trips - Costa Rica, Fiji, Hawaii, Alaska. Every year we made sure we had a vacation for at least a week to ten days somewhere. We still had to watch the budget closely to make this possible, but it WAS possible. With both of us working full time we had a pretty comfortable lifestyle according to our level of expectations. We knew people who had a lot more than us, we knew people who had much less. But for us, if felt like we had just enough to truly appreciate our abundance without so much to let it go to our heads.

We had a handful of fat cow years during which we were able to do more things, help others, and dream of a cushy retirement.

Now the lean cow years are here, or so it seems. Due to some unforeseen circumstances beyond our control, our financial picture has changed. Some of our long range plans will have to be scrapped and others adjusted significantly. We're still doing ok, but the balance sheet definitely isn't as promising as it once was. And that triggers a fair amount of anxiety for me.

I don't need a pile a cash or stacks of shiny THINGS. But I do need to know that we will always have a secure place to live and be able to pay our bills on time. I never want to go back to the marginal way of living I came from.

So long as we both work full time we could continue on pretty much as we have been, minus any exotic travel anytime soon. But my husband is 63. At some point the time will come for him to step away from his job. Also, just from a point of prudence, I'd like to be in a position so that if something were to happen to either one of us (or to the jobs we hold) that we'd still be able to manage.

That was a big part of why we chose to sell our place in Athena. To get out from under the mortgage and to free us up to be able to choose to stay here or leave to another area depending on what opportunities came up.

But now that we are in the process of selling that house we have to decide what next.
Do we buy some tiny little place here locally that we can get for $120K or less? Or do we keep the money in the bank as a parachute against potential woe in the future and continue to rent our current place out at the farm?

How do I feel about where I live? I admit I do miss having my big fancy house where I was comfortable doing lots of entertaining. But I've kind of gotten over the worst of the homesickness I initially felt when we left it. I've come to appreciate the snug house we are in now in a lot of ways, even though I don't have walk in closets or a garage. (With all the snow we have now I REALLY miss the garage!)

As I plan for the future, what factors will determine how much is enough in what sort of house I expect to have or how much wiggle room I need in my budget to feel comfortable rather than stressing over the wolf at the door?

My ideas about this are in flux at the moment - shimmering with iridescent contrast between wanting something VERY simple and basic on some days while other days I long for something more upscale. Also the level of anxiety I feel on a day to day basis over the current financial crisis in our national economy varies a lot. At this point I don't even want to open up the statements for our investment savings. I just want to stick them in a box for later, cover my eyes and ears and shout LA LA LA LA so I don't have to see or hear about the decline anymore. Some days it makes me crazy, and I fret hopelessly about having 30 years of hard work and savings go up in smoke. Other days I'm more serene, trusting that even if we have to adjust our lifestyle considerably from what we had planned, God knows our needs and will provide for them. We may not get much extra, but I generally have confidence that we will have enough.

How much is enough? As I come to know more and more people who are living in serious poverty I see my grumbling about giving up the excess of my former abundance as rather petty.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with having abundance. But as I wrestle with how I feel about what I have now, what I most appreciate, what I long for, what I think of as futile pipe dream that I NEVER expect to get...it's interesting which things land on which lists. How DO I decide how much is "enough"?

How about you?