Cool Quote

My daughter-in-law, Tammi, sent me this:

"Every sixty seconds you spend angry, upset or mad, is a full minute of happiness you'll never get back. Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, And never regret anything that made you smile. Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should dance."

I LOVE those words!

Today I begin a whole new round of applying for jobs and wondering where I will be living in the next six months. For the first time in over eight years find myself unemployed.

I could freak out about that. I could focus on the loss of income, the loss of a lot of things. I have teetered a bit close to edge of melt-down angst over this from time to time.

But, gratefully, so far I keep pulling myself back in the nick of time.

I will NOT fall into the trap of "poor me" or blubbering about woulda-shoulda-coulda.

I will embrace new opportunities.
I will cherish time to explore new things.
I will dance.

Come on world, give me your best shot. I'm ready for ya!

Cool Quote

Does anybody know the original source of this quote?

Resolve to be tender with the young,
compassionate with the aged, sympathetic
with the striving, and tolerant with the weak
and wrong… because sometime in your life
you will have been all of these.

What is Success?

In the principles of sociology class I teach online we do a unit where we discuss the impact of various groups on our perceptions and behavior. One of my favorites to teach about is "Reference Groups" which are those whose opinions and standards we use to evaluate ourselves.

How successful I feel in any given endeavor will depend on who I look to as a reference group. If I consider other fat middle aged ladies as my reference group for my skill at basketball or bowling or any kind of physical sport I can honestly say I can do reasonably well. (OK, maybe not at bowling - I am one who definitely benefits from gutter guards.) But if I looked to members of the NBA or Olympic athletes to measure my expertise I would look very bad indeed.

Who I define as my reference group is going to determine what standards I adopt for what "good enough" or "great" means in just about every thing I do or am. Every term I have students who say "I just go by my own standards, I don't compare myself to anyone else." I don't buy it. Our own standards are things we have internalized by observing others.

During our current economic free fall I have heard different people comparing notes about what percentage of their assets they have lost in the stock market, or at what point they jumped ship, took the hit and got out of the market. Is it BETTER to ride the wave and hope it comes back or to bail when you can to preserve what you have left? That all depends on who your reference groups are. What seems terribly foolhardy to some is considered gutsy by others.

What makes me feel "successful"? How do I define it? How do I measure it?
There have been a lot of good quotes about success... One of my favorites lately is from Winstin Churchill who said:
"Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm"

Who said that??

I love a good quote.

I especially like the ones by that really smart guy, Anonymous. He said all sorts of neat stuff.

At my job I've been helping my boss work on a report that defines student success. What is it? How do you measure it? How do you develop it?

That reminded me of the quote I've had on my desk for many a year that has been oft repeated, (in various versions with a few words shifting here and there) which is usually attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson. It says:

"To laugh often and love much;
to win the respect of intelligent persons
and the affection of children;
to earn the approbation of honest citizens
and endure the betrayal of false friends;
to appreciate beauty;
to find the best in others;
to give of one's self;
to leave the world a bit better,
whether by a healthy child,
a garden patch
or a redeemed social condition;
to have played and laughed with enthusiasm
and sung with exultation;
to know even one life has breathed easier
because you have lived -
this is to have succeeded."

They are truly great words. However, there are two problems here. First, they don't much help us with the current assignment regarding student success. Secondly, it appears that Emerson never said them. Alas...it seems this is yet another case of misattribution.

There's a lot of that going around.

LANDMINES

Up to my usual insomnia tricks, tonight I stayed up to watch the movie "Beyond Borders" with Angelina Jolie and and Clive Owen. I'm familiar with the reviews that call this flick a dog. Still, for me, it was very powerful on so many levels. If you are not familiar with the movie - the basic premise is summed up HERE.

As I watched the movie I thought about a lot of different things. But what got to me the most was not the scenes of famine and war in Ethiopia. It was not the horror of the Khmer Rouge in Cambodia. It was not the brutality of Chechnya.

It was the landmines.

I first became aware of the seriousness of the problem of landmines back in the early 90's when I participated in a Michigan International Development Outreach Network (MIDEON) conference at Michigan State University.

MIDEON was formed by faculty members from Michigan universities and community colleges who were concerned with teaching international development issues. Rather than present information to the regular student population, they focused on teaching other teachers. They provided a forum to exchange ideas and experiences, sponsor workshops, and promote the idea of development education. The idea was that by planting seeds of awareness into the minds and hearts of educators the impact would be far reaching as those teachers would go on to teach differently from there on.

It worked. The summer institute that I attended had a very powerful affect on how I think and how I teach.

One of the issues we talked about A LOT at that conference was the problem of landmines.

The average American does not usually think a whole lot about landmines. I do. But what have I actually DONE between that long ago training and now? Not nearly enough.

There are so many issues in the world today clamouring for our time, our attention, our money. Save the whales, recycle, stop global warming, plant a tree, the list goes on and on. From the old posters of Smokey the Bear saying "Only YOU can Prevent Forest Fires" to the fight against AIDS to the war on drugs...there are so many social problems it can make a person's head spin.

It's easy to see why some people get to overwhelmed by it all they numb out, become immobilized.

I am reminded of the time my father took all us kids to see Ringling Brother's and Barnum & Baily Three Ring Circus when I was a child. Most of my siblings had a fabulous time. Not me. I was so terribly frustrated. To me, it was awful. If I watched the clowns I missed the bears. If I watched the bears I missed the trapeze lady. If I watched the trapeze lady I missed the dancing horses. If I watched the ...oh, you get the idea. No matter what I focused on, the sense that I was missing out on something truly spectacular just ate away at me. I finally just cried and went to sleep to avoid the total sense of overwhelm and anxiety.

Sometimes, when I try to support worthy causes, I feel much the same way. I believe in microfincance, so I share dollars with Kiva. Every month I also donate dollars to Humanitarian Aid and the Perpetual Education Fund. I give blood to the Red Cross. I help pick up litter along our local highway. I also volunteer my time to help specific individuals in need.

But no matter how much I do, there is so much more that goes undone. Sometimes that truly haunts me.

The idealist in me wants to make a difference, remembering the words of Margaret Mead who said: "Never doubt that a few committed individuals can change the world. Indeed it is the only thing that ever has."

The more pragmatic side of me says to remember the Starfish story, and to take solace in the fact that I DO make a difference to those particular people whose lives I touch.

But sometimes when I remember the burning desire I once had to get involved in the issue of Landmines (or other social causes that caught my passion in my youth) and then face up to how little I've really done I can't help but hang my head in chagrin.

We grow older. Our priorities shift. That's natural, I suppose. Or maybe it's just a cop out.

I guess for me, the challenge is to stay AWAKE and present to the problems around me and continue to reach out and take action in whatever ways I can, instead of going numb with frustration or overwhelm and turning my back on it all as I did at the circus as a child. It's so much more pleasant to focus on pretty things. There is a time and place for that. But it's all a question of balance. And if I'm not willing to give some of my focus, my time, my resources, to the ugly things of this world, then I become part of the problem. How much is enough? That's something each person answers for them self, I suppose. For me...I need to do more.

I just need to remember the words I have posted on my Kiva Lender page - a quote from Edward Everett Hale who said: “I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything I will not refuse to do the something I can do.”

Cool Quotes

This week's Woman to Woman challenge asked bloggers to name a favorite quote and what it meant for them. I finally settled on this one by Ralph Waldo Emerson:

"To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better,
Whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived
This is to have succeeded. "

We live in a world that gives such awful distorted messages about what it means to win, to get it right, to succeed. I think there is tremendous value in standing apart from all the emphasis on shiny things or popularity or a specific body fat ratio to simply allow ourselves to be present to all that is good, all that is possible, all that is worthy in this world.

There is so much badness, coarseness, depravity and danger. But there is also tremendous beauty and loveliness of spirit. Emerson's words remind me that I can turn my face and my focus to that goodness and embrace it with a vengeance.

Another one that I particularly like is:

"Resolve to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, tolerant with the weak, and forgiving with the wrong, for sometime in your life you will have been all of these." (This one has been attributed to various sources, included Lloyd Shearer and Robert Goddard. I honestly don't know who said it first, but I LIKE it just the same!)

There's certainly no guarentees for old age, as is emphasized by the fact that far too many of my pals never made it that far. But still, the words ring true.

We're all just doing the best we can to get through this crazy old life with a degree of grace and smiles, even when we fumble. Shearer's words remind me to take a deep breath and cut some slack to those who may frustrate or annoy me.

There are so many other good quotes - I could go on and on with tales of how they have comforted me, lifted me, challenged my thinking. From scripture verses to song lyrics to ancient Chinese probverbs, a well turned phrase that is powerful enough to last through the ages is a sacred gift to us all.

Powerful Quotes

This week on the Woman to Woman challenge people are writing about special quotes that are meaningful to them. I may share some words on this topic later... for now I would encourage any of you who pop in here to give a look to the LINKS of what others have said and consider dropping in one of your own (even if you are male!)

Making Peace

I just found this excerpt from On Reason and Passion in The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran:

"Your soul is often times a battlefield, upon which your reason and your judgment wage war against your passion and your appetite. Would that I could be the peacemaker in your soul, that I might turn the discord and the rivalry of your elements into oneness and melody. But how shall I, unless you yourself be also the peacemakers, nay, the lovers of all your elements?"

(as quoted in A Guide to Getting It: Purpose & Passion edited by Marilyn Schwader.)

I've spent many hours giving thought to the discord between mind and emotion, between internal reality and external roles, between authentic self and self shrouded in layers of defense mechanisms....

Through my friendship with those in the Orthodox community I've learned a thing or two about doing battle with one's passions.

Through my Spectrum training I've learned about lowering the waterline, being more authentic, and true to my heart rather than forever trapped in social conditioning and external expectations.

Still - no matter how much I learn or study or ponder, the rift remains between what I know and what I feel, what I believe and what I hope for or desire. Which part should I give the greatest legitimacy?

In my last post I addressed the issue of whether or not any of us can know someone else or fully be known by another. Torchwolf took it a step further by suggesting that we can't even know ourselves 100%, and that all knowing is some form of construction.

What does it mean to "know one's self"?
At what point in introspection a healthy thing and when does it become excessive self absorption?

Just some thoughts I've been toying with of late.

Diverging points of view

This is NOT, never has been, never will be a political blog. Goodness knows there are plenty of those around. If that's your fancy, have at it. I get enough political argument at my own dinner table to thoroughly exasperate me. (My beloved and I tend to cancel out each other's votes in most elections). I don't have any intention of beginning a debate here.

But that leads to part of my point of THIS posting... why is it that people who have extremely different views about government have to be so mean and nasty to each other?

I have lived with and loved a man for 25 years despite the fact that we both think the other one is misguided, misinformed and just plain WRONG when it comes to several key political issues. (I AM right, by the way.) However, we have learned how to be kind and civil to one another even when vehemently disagreeing.

As we approach the next series of elections, feelings are starting to flame in homes and barbershops, on blogs and talk radio, among the simpletons like me and the mighty movers and shakers that influence opinion and policy.

My prayer, as we draw closer to decision day is that we all try our best to be respectful in our differences.

For some GREAT thoughts about politics, power and the process of government, see what some of our past leaders have said HERE.

(unfortunately, an annoying ad for ebay pops up, but when it does there is a spot to click up in the top right corner to opt out of the ad and get back to the quotes.)

I was VERY impressed by some of the quotes by some of the presidents I found to be quite unimpressive. I can't help but wonder who ACTUALLY coined those words... after watching many an episode of West Wing I've come to be immensely curious about political speech writers.

ON AGING

American rocket scientist Robert H. Goddard has been quoted as saying:
"Resolve to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant with the weak and wrong...because sometime in your life you will have been all of these."

I like the quote. Yet in all my life I've never imagined that I would ever be old. I just couldn't picture it.

My mother died at 53. My father died at 55. I was in my early 20’s when I became an orphan. Somehow in my mind, mid fifties became a logical lifespan to me. As a young woman, those years seemed many, many miles away.

However, time has shifted and seasons have passed. I will turn 50 this October. As I am fast approaching the ages my parents were when they met death, it feels very surreal to me that I could be so close to the end of my wick. Holy Moses, I'm just BEGINNING to get this life thing figured out.

Obviously, I have no crystal ball to know how long I have to walk on this earth. I’m in reasonably good health. (But then, so were they.) One day my father was alive, hammering new shingles on his roof. He went to bed as full of piss and vinegar as ever, then woke up dead. My mother was having a surgery. It was serious, yes, but fairly routine. She never made it off the table. They say no single thing really went wrong. She just never came back again. Those events permanently marked in my mind that there are no guarantees...we can be here one day and gone the next with no preamble or warning. They also made me determined to live my life to the fullest each day with no regrets or words left unsaid, because I just never expected to have all that many of them.

When I was a little kid, I couldn't wait to be "all grown up". I would proudly tack on the "and-a-half" to my age just as soon as I could justify it. Each rite of passage of crossing over to maturity seemed like a special prize to me. Yet as I emerged into a stormy, rebellious adolescence, I began taking vast chances with my mortality, acting out in extreme ways, saying I didn't care if I lived to see thirty. Sadly, many of my compatriots from those wild and turbulent days did not. How I came through it all relatively unscathed is a mystery to me still.

My early twenties were spent in a trainwreck of chaos. At some point I reached an epiphany that allowed me to turn things around and climb out of the darkness. Gratefully, my thirties were a time of calmer, safer, saner days. There was much effort and striving, of nesting, achieving, sorting out. Life was unquestionably better then, but there was still a degree of reverberation in my emotions and my spirit as I wrestled with making my peace with the past.

It wasn't until my forties that I really felt I began to bloom.

When I hit forty an artist friend of mine created a beautiful card for me...I've still got it around here somewhere although right now I'm not sure where. On the front of the card there is a black silhouette of a woman running with delightful abandoned down the side of a very steep pointed hill. Her arms are outstretched and her hair is flying. It's a great image. The joy and satisfaction just seeps from the picture.

Then you open the card up and the inscription reads: "FINALLY! You are OVER THE HILL!"

I loved the metaphor. For me, coming of age into my forties meant being done once and for all with all the struggle to climb up the life mountain of self discovery and drive to prove myself. Days of graduate school, child rearing, entry level jobs and so many other life battles were finally behind me. I had loved raising my boys and had enjoyed my years as a stay-at-home mom. But I welcomed this new time when I could fully participate in the world in new ways.

Being "middle aged" meant I had earned the right to embrace my opinions, preferences, beliefs and desires with no apology. I never had to worry again whether others thought they were cool or legitimate. No longer burdened by other people's ideas of fashion or music, politics or housekeeping, I was done with agonizing over my path. I was comfortable in my own skin and ready to dig deep into the life I had chosen.

Because I had kids so young, both my boys were emancipated (geographically anyway). My forties were a time when I could travel freely and focus on career with new dedication. I had more time and energy to get involved in causes that mattered to me. I was more financially secure than I'd been in the past. Best of all, I could rediscover my husband as partner more than co-parent. That was a revelation to me. We had some grand adventures, a few horrible heartaches, and a lot of sweet days of bliss. I loved my 4th decade. It was a sweet, juicy time to be savored in my life.

And now the curtain is about to close on those years and I will begin a new season - my fifties. Already I am starting to see that this season will have some tough lessons. Coming to term with loss is inevitably a big part of later years. Already I'm finding I attend more funerals than weddings. There is no doubt in my mind that the next few years will bear more of them. I can see it coming as surely as the trees dropping their leaves in the fall.

My body will change...sooner or later the moon season will matter less to me; My skin will grow thin. My hair will get coarse.

And if I should live even beyond my fifties - outlasting my parents by decades or more, what then? Will I have health? Will I have enough money? Will I be a cranky old biddy or a serene matriarch? It's anybody's guess.

How will I face my next season? What will I be like as an old woman? I really can't say.

I've always maintained that it wouldn't matter how old I got, so long as I was loving, learning, and laughing along the way. But I'm pragmatic enough to recognize that days when doctor appointments and hope for a proper bowel movement take most of your energy can make savoring life a challenge for most anyone.

Many of my friends now are dealing with caring for ill, elderly parents. I never walked that path. Some days when I visit families dealing with dementia, diabetes, oncologists and proctologists, I wonder how our family would have coped. I've heard it said we never get given greater burdens than we can bear... maybe the universe knew that wasn't something for our brood to contend with. But without having crossed that bridge with a parent, I haven't a clue about how to do it for myself.

When I look into the faces of some of the elderly people I know, I see the struggle with failing bodies, failing finances, failing memories, and it causes a catch in my breath. I hope that the next ten or twenty or however many years I have will be good ones. I recognize there is bound to be pain and difficulty to be sure. That's part of life. But I'm crossing my fingers and toes and praying with all my might that my sense of self will remain strong, my ability to contribute will continue, my chance to connect in meaningful ways will keep expanding even as my vigor begins to fade.

My greatest fear in the world in terms of what I anticipate for the years to come is not death or even disability - but far more frightening, the possibility of losing my beloved. My husband is 12 years older than I and has a few health issues even now. That man is my life, my soul's very breath. I cannot imagine a world without him. I shudder to think of wearing the title of widow. So I mostly try not to think of it at all. And yet...the possibility that it may be some part of my future is something I have considered more and more in recent years, usually with dread.

In most respects, in my mind growing old means coming to terms with loss and letting go... letting go of my youth and some of my dreams. Letting go of my belief that things will keep getting better. Letting go of some of the people I've loved. I see it as a season of coming to terms with grief on a much more regular and intimate basis than the few kamikaze grenades I've had to deal with thus far.

I hope I can go into my fifties and further with some peace and pleasure. Right now I feel like a skittish swimmer standing on the edge of a pond, slowly, carefully, filled with apprehension, daring to reach across to just stick my toes in. I'm not sure what it will take to give me the confidence to just plaster a grin on my face and dive in with abandon as I did in my forties. I'm feeling cautious with myself. I am nervous about what's around the bend.

I want to hold on tight to all the love and strength and opportunity that I have in my life now. I'm not ready to give any of it up just yet. I'm like a little kid being told it's about time to go to bed, but instead of going quietly I'm desperately, defiantly pleading for just five minutes more. I'm not ready to be old.

Yet my sweet husband just laughs at my reticence. He says that rather than grow old together he will go first, blazing the trail for me, and then reach back to bring me along, showing me the ropes. Just like when we've gone hiking through snow drifts together, or bushwhacking in the deep woods...he'll cut the path to ease the way for me. The trail will be rough going in spots. But the vistas and views along the way will make the journey worthwhile. So long as I can continue to hold on to the back of his shirt, I know I'll be just fine.

********
For links to what others have said in the woman-to-woman conversation on aging please visit Morning Glory of Seeds From My Garden or Lei of My Many Colored Days.

Order out of Chaos

I'm finally back at work after taking a couple days off... I've been sorting through accumulated piles, answering e-mail, setting meetings, checking in with my team.

After a break to do some walking at noon I decided to tackle all the piles of accumulated STUFF in, on and around my desk. I just got a new set of wall shelves to give me a bit more order. It feels good to declutter the chaos.

As I went through all my various notes I found one I'd written to myself several months ago during a moment of introspection. It says:

"What one thing could I be doing that I am not presently doing that if I did on a regular basis would have a huge positive impact on my life?"

I recall what was going on when I wrote it. My answer to that question today is actually quite different than it was then. However, I've come to the conclusion that continuing to ASK myself the question is what matters, no matter how many times the response may shift.

I'm still a work in process, it seems.

Movie Quotes

I was reading an interesting article about the power of movie quotes. The article listed the following as the top rated movie quotes, listing them by citation frequency. I found it kind of interesting.


1. "I'll be back" (1984 - Terminator)

2. "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn" (1939, Gone With the Wind)

3. "Show me the money" (1996, Jerry Maguire)

4. "Go ahead, make my day" (1983, Sudden Impact)

5. "Mama always said life is like a box of chocolates." (1994, Forres Gump)

6. "You can't handle the truth!" (1992, A Few Good Men)

7. "Hasta la vista, baby" (1991, Terminator 2)

8. "May the force be with you" (1997, Star Wars)

9. "There's no place like home" (1939, The Wizard of Oz)

10. "Yeah, Baby." (1998, Austin Powers Films)

11. "Here's looking at you, kid." (1942, Casablanca)

There were some others...but you get the idea.

What makes a quote powerful or enduring? How do certain phrases resonate in our lives?

Words have power. I believe that the words we use and the words we choose to hold in our hearts and in our minds really can shape our experience and our perceptions.

I have a little jute covered notepad I picked up in Costa Rica years ago that I use for writing down favorite quotes. Some come from books I have read, some from speakers or workshops I attended, some just snatches of conversations I overheard on a bus. I love language and am continually amazed by the ways we use it both to hide and reveal our souls.

Do you have any quotes that are particularly meaningful to you? I'd love to hear 'em.

If Flannery Had a Blog

Many thanks to Pappa Herman for pointing me in the direction of "If Flannery Had a Blog"... a collection of quotes by and about that great southern writer, Flannery O'Conner.

Years ago I read some short stories that really impressed me. Perhaps it's time for me to dig in to her longer works.

Christians - By Maya Angelou

A dear friend of mine sent me this poem today. What can I say, but AMEN!


When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'."
I'm whispering "I was lost,
Now I'm found and forgiven."

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
And need His strength to carry on.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
And need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
But, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's good grace, somehow!

The Wisdom of Pooh

I found a great quote over on another blog that says:

"When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you sometimes find that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it." ~A.A. Milne

This is why talking things out with friends, a good therapist, or someone's spiritual leader can be so important. Things that loom large and wierd when kept silent in the mind can be sorted out so much better when expressed.
Perhaps that is also why I blog... it gives me a venue to figure out some stuff that is feeling thingish.... goodness knows there are plenty of things that go bump in the night rattling around in my brain that could use a bit of airing.

THOUGHTS

I've been thinking about my thinking, taking notice of the patterns there.

I'm working on some mind mapping to identify the thought directions I want to encourage and expand, as well as recognizing the patterns I would do better to nip in the bud.

I can't find the original source of the quote right now, but someone once said: "Thoughts are like birds. They are going to fly over your head, but you decide if they will make a nest in your hat."

So I'm trying to shift things around a bit. It's time to de-clutter some of those nooks and crannies. Somehow I seem to have collected some junk in the old grey matter that I'm ready to sweep out. It's like cleaning out closets and dusting the corners of my house. It's a whole lot of effort to tidy up what doesn't really show.

But, as the scripture says: "As a man thinks, so is he."

I've been thoroughly socialized to know how to deliberately choose and govern my BEHAVIOR. I'm housebroken. I brush my teeth. I know how to set the table. I know how to go to work, how to take care of the necessary domestic duties, how to pay the bills. I smile and shake hands and know the appropriate rules for how to interact with others. I play nice in the sandbox.

But sometimes, on the INSIDE, in the dark and quiet crevices of my brain, chaos reigns. Even when I go through the motions of having it all together externally, my internal thoughtlife is sometimes like a runaway train. From fleeting images to patterned, habitual thinking...the content and context of my mental images lately is not what I want it to be.

It's not so bad when I am focused on a particular task or consciously playing attention to a particular topic at hand. However, I have been working on shifting the landscape of what I am willing to hold in my mind during default mode - in those quiet times when I am not deliberately thinking of anything at all.

Our culture prods us to pay attention to all the wrong things. We notice what isn't working or think about what we wish were different rather than fully experiencing gratitude for what we do have. Too much energy is spent in regret over things from the past or obsessively worrying over the future.

I want my thoughts to be more consistently focused on the present and built on a foundation of gratitude. That does not mean I will put on rose colored glasses and paint everything pretty even when there are legitimate problems to be dealt with. But it does mean that how I construct my self talk in my head can be more routinely driven by the questions like these:

"What am I grateful for?"
"How can I more fully show concern and support for others?"
"What blessings could I be noticing right now?"

I am convinced that if I am fully armed with that sort of mental ammunition on a day-to-day basis, then I will be far better equipped to deal with the conflicts or concerns that arise along the way than if my thoughts are perpetually spiraling along the lines of "why does this always happen?" or "I wish I would have...".

What do you think about when no one is looking, not even you?

Defining Identity

I LOVE the quotes I pick up over on the No Contact Politics site. The latest one says:
"We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be." --Kurt Vonnegut, from Mother Night.

I've long been intrigued by the whole issue of identity and what constitutes who we REALLY are, as opposed to the social masks that we wear.

I am not my body. If I were to lose an arm or an eye, a breast, my teeth or my hair, I would still be me. (albeit a different sort of me, a different expression and experience of me - But I WOULD still be ME, wouldn't I??)

I am not my thoughts, my emotions or my opinions. Those provide the context for my daily walk- giving me the weather and climate of how I sense my life - but they are the outer trappings, not my core me. All of those can and do change on a regular basis. Yet I am still me.

I am not my behavior. What I DO is generally a reflection of my desires, my values, my thoughts, my needs and my cultural training. But it is not my identity.

So what is "personality", and is that the same as identity? I can willfully, deliberately change my thoughts, or my behavior. Can I choose or shape my personality or am I stuck with making do with whatever cards I get dealt?

I've heard much talk of the "spirit" or "core essense" of a person. How can I find it /feel it/ nourish it/ reveal it? How do I learn to recognize the constant being behind all the many ways I relate to the world rather than defining myself by my work, my relationships, my many social roles...or by the moods that are transitory images of smoke and mirrors playing out at any given time?

Remembering the Starfish Story

One of the things I absolutely hate is the tendency of some women I know to sit around verbally bashing the men in their lives. I refuse to participate in this insidious practice and generally will not associate with women who make a habit of it. In the first place, I adore men in general and am particularly fond of one or two of them in particular. I prefer to focus on the many fine qualities I appreciate about the testosterone laden species. Sure, there are some jerks in the world. But that goes for both genders. Basically, I think it is unproductive and downright destructive to spend a lot of energy in spiteful criticism.

So I started wondering about when and why I find it acceptable to be critical of my government, my culture, my employers, or the noisy neighbors next door.

Where do I draw the line between “accentuate the positive” and giving voice to feelings from annoyance to outrage at what I see happening around me?

When is “venting” about something that makes us angry a healthy thing and when is it merely adding fuel to the fire of negativity?

My main philosophy of life is that if I am displeased with something I have three options:
1) take action to change the situation
2) change how I am defining / reaction to the situation
3) remove myself from the situation

Merely complaining does not seem to move me in the direction of any of the above. It just reinforces what I don’t like about what is happening.

So that takes me back to how upset I get over my government’s short sighted, and in my view, very misguided policies in relation to the rest of the world.

What am I willing to do to try to improve the situation? Sitting around being outraged really does not serve me or the world that I live in. So do I let my outrage run its course till it fizzles out into apathetic disregard or do I channel it into some sort of action?

Granted, I may be just one person and my efforts may appear to have little impact. But like the famous story of the starfish, any difference I DO make can be of use to someone.

It was Everett Edward Hale who said: “ I am only one; but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; I will not refuse to do the something I can do.

So the trick, for me, is working to determine what, where, and how to best place my focus and energy to find the path for my efforts....

In Power of Vision Joel Barker says:

"Vision without action is merely a dream.
Action without vison just passes the time.
Vision with action can change the world."

I honestly believe that to be true. What remains is to see what I will do about it.