Overcoming Adversity

As we were leaving the area where we were camped this morning I happened to spot this tree next to the road. Clearly, this poor tree has experienced some significant adversity at some point in the past. Whether the trauma was a one time major storm that about knocked it flat, or a series of problems that caused it to tip over I can't really say. But what impressed me about the tree was its determination to grow upright, despite its troubled past.

I feel like I am a lot like this tree. My early days were stormy ones. The specifics are not important. Suffice it to say that both from the choices I made and the choices others made I got pretty well knocked flat in more ways than one. Every kid has their heart aches. Some come dressed up as serious problems, some not so much. Mine were a mixed bag that knocked me for a loop. As a consequence my teen aged years were a firestorm of self-loathing and rebellion. That led to some turbulent twists and tumult during my twenties, with a few sweet islands of light that began to wake me up to the possibility of a better way, but having no skills or frame of reference to really build on. My thirties were a tense and turbulent time as I tried to make my peace with old nightmares and sort out what mattered. Only in my forties did I begin to get comfortable in my own skin. Even then, there were more than a few hiccoughs along the way.

But now I'm in my fifties and I can honestly say I have never felt more at peace. That doesn't mean my life is entirely without problems. But how I approach my problems when they come now is radically shifted from the old days of drama and angst. These days when difficulties arise I face it with a completely different sort of awareness that EVERYTHING - both the bad and the good, the comfortable and the excruciating, will work together somehow in a way that will ultimately teach me and bless my life if I can be open to that.

Example - recently I've been having some pain in my back and neck. It has been hurting a lot, so I went to a chiropractor to get my spine adjusted. While I was there I mentioned to the receptionist that my husband and I were planning on going to the Ketchum / Galena area for the weekend. She then told me about Red Fish Lake which she claimed was the most beautiful place she had ever seen in her whole life.
I looked at a map and saw it wasn't that far out of the way from where we were going to be anyway, so we decided we would go check it out.

Had my back not been messed up we would have missed this amazing, soul shaking part of this weekend journey. Seriously, it was that special. It is an absolutely amazing place and I feel much richer for having experienced it. Am I GLAD my back was hurt? NO. Will I go running to embrace other painful things because they might bring me similar blessings? Absolutely not. Face it, pain sucks. I don't want to hurt - physically or emotionally. But what I DO know for sure is that whether I run from it or embrace it, from time to time painful things WILL happen in my life. And one of the ways I get through those dark days, whether they be a kink in my vertebrae, the death of someone I hold dear, financial reverses or the dog barfing on a new rug....from big challenges to small ones I honestly believe that EVERY experience in this life has the capacity to teach and bless me if I let it.

There was a time not so many years ago when I struggled mightily with some issues that I thought were bigger than my capacity to endure. I honestly believed at one point that I would carry the grief, sadness and heartache of it to my grave.

But I was wrong.

I mended. Today I am happy. Today I truly do know peace. Granted, I may be a bit crooked in spots, sort of like this tree. But I'm standing tall. And I can honestly say that I would not know the level of joy and delight and sheer gratitude that I have now if I had not walked through the dark.

I am so relieved to have come to a spot in my life where I don't have to take everything so stinking seriously. I have perspective. I have an ability to let go of things that I can't control. I have an ability to truly cherish simple pleasures like the flowers in my garden or a sunset or the sound of a child's laugh.
And I'm choosing to focus on that. I'm choosing to stand up straight in my present instead of continuing to worry over getting knocked flat in the past. If this tree can do it, why not me?

Pointy Mountains

I took this photo this morning at Little Redfish Lake in the Sawtooth mountains.
Seriously,the picture does not do it justice. It was so breathtakingly beautiful it made me weep with joy. This is hands down one of the most magnificent places I've ever been. Spent a very relaxed, peaceful time exploring / hiking and then a leisurely drive home through gorgeous canyons.

I'd pinch myself, but if I AM dreaming, I don't want to wake up.

Happy Anniversary Idaho!

I just touched the one year mark of my move to Idaho. Hard to believe that much time has passed. I'm feeling pretty good about the transition to Boise. I love the climate, the people, the surrounding scenery. I'm enjoying exploring the local music scene and learning about various fun places to hang out.

After many corporate moves that kept shifting us to where ever my beloved's job told us we needed to be to suit their fickle company fancy, this is the first time in 30 years we were able to mindfully CHOOSE where we wanted to be. We took a mason jar ring and named it to be a 50 mile radius, then listed about 10 different factors we wanted within that space for our quality of life. We kept shifting our circle all over the western USA, considering several other places before landing here. However, after giving it lots of thought, Boise had all 10 things that were important to us. So, once we made our minds up that this was the place we just kept poking at it till we were able to find the job and the house to make the plan real. One year later I have absolutely no regrets about putting down roots here. I plan to burrow in deep. No more tumbleweed moving from place to place for me. I may not always live in my current house, but if I have anything to say about it, BOISE will stay my home.

I've finally found a place where I feel at peace, I feel connected. I generally believe that happiness and contentment come a lot more from INSIDE a person than whatever their external circumstances may be. Still, being in a place that FITS is a blessing indeed.

Can You Play "Name That Plant"??

IT'S OURS!

After much looking, debating and considering we finally found a house that met all the criteria we had hoped for that was within our budget. There are a few things I wish were different, but all in all, I'm really pleased with our choice.

The house is your basic late '70's 3 bedroom / 2 bath ranch. It's all on one floor so it is something we can comfortably grow old in. At just under 1800 sq feet it is way smaller than what I am used to, but has plenty of space to meet our needs.

The part that makes my heart sing is the yard:





It is truly sacred space that makes my spirit just feel absolutely at peace.
(We'll see if I'm still saying that after long days weeding and trimming all summer, and raking LOTS of leaves in the fall!) Yeah, it's going to take some care. But that's what I WANT. I spend way too much time inside staring at a computer screen. Dirt therapy is what makes me feel balanced, alive, whole. I LIKE working in the yard. This is a yard to really savor.

So one of my first orders of business is to get acquainted with everything...learn what is planted where and familiarize myself with what sort of care the various plants will need.

Some are things I've had in my other yards so I know them well: Bleeding Heart, Columbine, hostas, Allium, Blue Fescue, Ferns, Rhubarb, Periwinkle and lots more.












































But there are also LOTS of plants I'm really not sure what are. In the coming days I'll be out in my yard with various garden books trying to identify them. For those I can't figure out, I'll post pictures and see if YOU know what they are!

I have much to do to get all our stuff moved here from Oregon and then get it sorted out and figure out where things go. Getting settled into a new place always takes a while. But anytime I get overwhelmed with the boxes, or anything else for that matter, you will know where you can find me. I'll be out in the backyard.

Pins & Needles..

I've been up most the night not able to sleep. My nerves are all a jangle with anticipation about whether or not I'll get the job....

However, as skittish as I may be at present, I've been learning a whole lot from this whole process. As much as I want this move north, I honestly believe I'm ready to fully accept the outcome no matter what it is. If I do not get hired I will of course be disappointed. I have so many reasons why a move to Alaska just now would be a lovely fit. But ya know what? I am finding myself very aware these days of how richly blessed I am.

I am healthy.
I have a great marriage.
I have a strong spiritual life.
I have some great friends.
I have a great dog.
I live in a place with lots of freedom.
I have a supportive family.

The list goes on and on.

So if I DON'T get to move of to the Land of Bears & Moose, it really will be ok.
But if I DO....oh holy cow, what an adventure that would be.

Projects for Peace

Many kudos to students at nearby Whitman College for winning support for their peace proposals from the Kathryn Wasserman Davis 100 Projects for Peace initiative.

Beyond that, hats off to Mrs. Davis herself for choosing this fantastic way of celebrating her 100th birthday. Not everyone has that kind of financial resource to support peace on this grand of a scale.... but I am very impressed by the basic idea behind it. I very much enjoyed the video clips of her talking about her life and how she came to the decision to create this venture.

She didn't start painting until her late 90's. Wow. Go figure. Maybe there's hope for me yet.