I've been reflecting a lot on what it means to me to be starting a brand new year.
In some ways I think of it as utterly arbitrary - one minute it was 2011 and then the ball drops and we call it 2012, a silly human convention for cutting up the flow of time into component chunks to suit us.
Still, it's how we do things - so for what it's worth, I've been thinking about how I will approach this new year. I'm not making any long list of resolutions. Truth be told, most of those I've made in years past were forfeit by Valentine's day, if not sooner. However, while I am not setting specific goals, I AM striving to begin this new year with a bit more mindfulness.I am going to focus on EVERY day asking myself 2 questions -1) what can I do today to bring more health, joy, faith and abundance to myself and others? 2) What can I STOP doing today in order to bring more health, joy, faith and abundance to myself and others? I want to be as mindful as I can on a daily basis with out shoulding on myself.
I loved 2011. I'll admit to being a bit apprehensive of the year to come. But come what may - triumphs or challenges, I will do my best to approach it with gratitude.
Showing posts with label goals. Show all posts
Showing posts with label goals. Show all posts
Sunday, January 01, 2012
Saturday, August 13, 2011
FISH PUZZLE
Some people like Sudoku. Some people do crossword puzzles. As for me and my beloved, we are jigsaw puzzle people.
However, my sister-in-law recently gave us a puzzle that didn't have any box to it. All the pieces were there .... all 1000 of them. She knew it was a picture of fish. But that's all she could tell us. YIKES. How are you supposed to do a jigsaw puzzle without the picture?? Gluttons for punishment that we are, we fussed with it for a while until we finally got the darn thing put together. So I took this picture to refer back to if we ever decide to do it again.
This served as one more reminder to me that whether it's Tony Robins saying to "Know Your Outcome" or Steven Covey saying "Start with the end in mind", it just makes sense, whether in LIFE or in puzzle land, to have clear concepts of what you want to achieve so you can move forward in a purposeful way rather than just taking random actions and hoping for the best.
With that in mind I'm revisiting my bucket list, my vision board, and considering again some of the goals I've plunked away at over the years. What do I want to accomplish before the year ends? Where do I hope to be in five years, or ten?
I really do believe in building a life by design rather than default.
So it's back to the drawing board for me to clarify what things matter most in my world so I can make sure those are the rocks that get put in my bucket first. The sand will take care of itself.
Friday, May 08, 2009
Criteria for LIFE
My beloved and I have been looking at lots of houses on the Internet. There are still many things that have to fall into place before we can get serious about this move we want to make, but we are doing lots of pre-planning to be sure we are clear on what our priorities will be when we are ready to make the move to Spudland.
When we look at houses we make two lists: first there is the list of absolute deal breakers - the criteria we MUST have (within a specific price range, all on one level, three bedrooms, two bathrooms, a garage, trees in the yard) and things we MUST avoid (busy streets, chronic smell of sugar beets being processed, one-butt kitchens.)
Then we have a whole laundry list of our PREFERRED criteria...things we would really appreciate but can negotiate around. Some are things we could add later if they are not in place when we buy it, some are things that if we had to we could live without.(separate living room / family room, pantry for food storage, fully fenced yard, underground sprinklers, dining room suitable for entertaining, etc etc)
As I think of those lists for looking at houses, it makes me ponder what sort of lists I would craft for my life.
What are the criteria I absolutely MUST have? What are the deal breakers that I am absolutely committed to avoiding no matter what?
What are the things that I hope to accomplish / achieve / incorporate, the things that I wish for and will look for, but can get by with if I do not have?
How do I decide which is which?
I've often heard the story about boiling frogs. It is said that if you toss a live frog into hot water it will leap out, but if you put that same frog into cold water and then increase the temperature bit by bit the frog will adapt to the changes until you have yourself a boiled frog.
Too often people are like that too. Circumstances that would absolutely violate our values if we were confronted with them all at once can creep up on us gradually.
From the physical realm to the metaphysical, I want to get clear on the bench marks I need to look to as guide posts of when I am on track and when I have lost my way.
In terms of physical health...I do NOT ever want to be one of those women who is obsessed with weight or size. But I do want to continue to work toward improving my health. In my 20's and 30's I was pretty trim. However, over the last 10 years I have gained about 3 lbs per year. Do the math. Uh, yeah. It was never a lot at once. Hardly noticeable. But the cumulative effect is that these days I'm a pretty big girl. I decided to do something about it, so I changed my pattern of diet and exercise and managed to drop thirty pounds a year ago. But then I changed jobs so I no longer had access to the college fitness center and I relapsed into emotional eating during stress. As a result,about half of that weight I worked so hard to lose is now back and more is creeping...
So now I need to decide. To what extent am I willing to make a serious commitment about what goes in my mouth and how much I move? How much will those changes be something I absolutely am determined to stick to and how much am I willing to wobble when my job or other circumstances change?
Then I look at other areas, from my prayer life to my finances, my involvement in my community to the ways I relate to family and friends. What are the standards in each of those areas that matter most to me? What ones are negotiable?
Obviously there are things I do not have much control over. It makes sense to be able to accept things that come my way on the winds of change that are outside my sphere of influence. But I am convinced that as I get more mindful of the places where I do have room for choice, I can craft a life by design rather than rolling over and taking whatever I get by default.
Sometimes I go to open houses in neighborhoods where I KNOW I would never choose to live because looking at different kinds of houses gives me ideas of things I might incorporate in other spots. In the same fashion, I look to my friends, my family, my associates for how they fashion their lives NOT so I can keep up or compete in any way. Instead I look to them as role models of both the qualities I might emulate and the characteristics I would NEVER want to demonstrate.
So I am getting more deliberate on my Moving Toward values...the things I want to invite into my life AND my Moving Away values...the things I want to reduce or eliminate insofar as it is possible.
I would love a life where I lived in total integrity every minute of every day.
I am not there yet. But I'm working on it.
I would love a life where I was in a conscious state of gratitude far more consistently than I currently manage.
I would love a life where I never said an unkind or hurtful thing to or about anyone ever again.
In these and a myriad of other ways I am seeking greater clarity by taking honest assessment of where I am now and where I would most like to be. Only by knowing both of those without distortion or bias can I make progress to get from one to the other. If I rationalize or justify or excuse any place I miss the mark as "not that big a deal" or minimize it by saying "it could be worse", then I am not likely to try to change it. This is not about beating myself up for being less than perfect or falling back into old habits of pouring angst over myself any time I think I am "getting it wrong". It's about taking stock in a meaningful way that serves me.
It is about being mindful and fully present in my own life. It's about seeking out the proper balance between introspection and going with the flow. It's about knowing when to accept things as they are and when to say no, I want to change that.
So I will continue my house hunting. I will recognize that I do not need a PERFECT house. I just need a house that is comfortable enough to be my next home. And along the way, I will look inside my head, my heart, my spirit, my body to see what things feel "just right" and what things I may want to shift a bit. I think it makes sense to consider myself a work in progress WITHOUT denigrating myself for my flaws.
When we look at houses we make two lists: first there is the list of absolute deal breakers - the criteria we MUST have (within a specific price range, all on one level, three bedrooms, two bathrooms, a garage, trees in the yard) and things we MUST avoid (busy streets, chronic smell of sugar beets being processed, one-butt kitchens.)
Then we have a whole laundry list of our PREFERRED criteria...things we would really appreciate but can negotiate around. Some are things we could add later if they are not in place when we buy it, some are things that if we had to we could live without.(separate living room / family room, pantry for food storage, fully fenced yard, underground sprinklers, dining room suitable for entertaining, etc etc)
As I think of those lists for looking at houses, it makes me ponder what sort of lists I would craft for my life.
What are the criteria I absolutely MUST have? What are the deal breakers that I am absolutely committed to avoiding no matter what?
What are the things that I hope to accomplish / achieve / incorporate, the things that I wish for and will look for, but can get by with if I do not have?
How do I decide which is which?
I've often heard the story about boiling frogs. It is said that if you toss a live frog into hot water it will leap out, but if you put that same frog into cold water and then increase the temperature bit by bit the frog will adapt to the changes until you have yourself a boiled frog.
Too often people are like that too. Circumstances that would absolutely violate our values if we were confronted with them all at once can creep up on us gradually.
From the physical realm to the metaphysical, I want to get clear on the bench marks I need to look to as guide posts of when I am on track and when I have lost my way.
In terms of physical health...I do NOT ever want to be one of those women who is obsessed with weight or size. But I do want to continue to work toward improving my health. In my 20's and 30's I was pretty trim. However, over the last 10 years I have gained about 3 lbs per year. Do the math. Uh, yeah. It was never a lot at once. Hardly noticeable. But the cumulative effect is that these days I'm a pretty big girl. I decided to do something about it, so I changed my pattern of diet and exercise and managed to drop thirty pounds a year ago. But then I changed jobs so I no longer had access to the college fitness center and I relapsed into emotional eating during stress. As a result,about half of that weight I worked so hard to lose is now back and more is creeping...
So now I need to decide. To what extent am I willing to make a serious commitment about what goes in my mouth and how much I move? How much will those changes be something I absolutely am determined to stick to and how much am I willing to wobble when my job or other circumstances change?
Then I look at other areas, from my prayer life to my finances, my involvement in my community to the ways I relate to family and friends. What are the standards in each of those areas that matter most to me? What ones are negotiable?
Obviously there are things I do not have much control over. It makes sense to be able to accept things that come my way on the winds of change that are outside my sphere of influence. But I am convinced that as I get more mindful of the places where I do have room for choice, I can craft a life by design rather than rolling over and taking whatever I get by default.
Sometimes I go to open houses in neighborhoods where I KNOW I would never choose to live because looking at different kinds of houses gives me ideas of things I might incorporate in other spots. In the same fashion, I look to my friends, my family, my associates for how they fashion their lives NOT so I can keep up or compete in any way. Instead I look to them as role models of both the qualities I might emulate and the characteristics I would NEVER want to demonstrate.
So I am getting more deliberate on my Moving Toward values...the things I want to invite into my life AND my Moving Away values...the things I want to reduce or eliminate insofar as it is possible.
I would love a life where I lived in total integrity every minute of every day.
I am not there yet. But I'm working on it.
I would love a life where I was in a conscious state of gratitude far more consistently than I currently manage.
I would love a life where I never said an unkind or hurtful thing to or about anyone ever again.
In these and a myriad of other ways I am seeking greater clarity by taking honest assessment of where I am now and where I would most like to be. Only by knowing both of those without distortion or bias can I make progress to get from one to the other. If I rationalize or justify or excuse any place I miss the mark as "not that big a deal" or minimize it by saying "it could be worse", then I am not likely to try to change it. This is not about beating myself up for being less than perfect or falling back into old habits of pouring angst over myself any time I think I am "getting it wrong". It's about taking stock in a meaningful way that serves me.
It is about being mindful and fully present in my own life. It's about seeking out the proper balance between introspection and going with the flow. It's about knowing when to accept things as they are and when to say no, I want to change that.
So I will continue my house hunting. I will recognize that I do not need a PERFECT house. I just need a house that is comfortable enough to be my next home. And along the way, I will look inside my head, my heart, my spirit, my body to see what things feel "just right" and what things I may want to shift a bit. I think it makes sense to consider myself a work in progress WITHOUT denigrating myself for my flaws.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
My Bucket List
My dear pal Pat B. and I have been e-mailing each other about what we would each put on our "bucket list", things we want to do before we kick the bucket (in response to her going to see the new movie Bucket List with Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman)
We've both made lists with two categories - the realistic thing we think we really can accomplish and then a dream wish list if money were no object.
Here are my lists.
What I plan to really do before I die:
1) Learn to Juggle
2) Eat pancakes with real maple syrup in New England in the fall
3) Hit Kelly Sedinger in the face with a pie (and of course be pied in return!)
4) Visit every State in the USA (right now I'm missing Alabama, Arkansas, Kansas and most of New England) I sort of like the idea of sending myself a post card from the state capital of every state so that would mean revisiting the ones I have been to.
5) Get all the way through the book "Jesus the Christ" by Talmage. I've started it several times. It's a hard read for me.
6) Be 100% debt free and have enough income/assetts for a simple life.
7) Consistently read my scriptures every single day for a year. (trying again on this one...so far so good, but I have a long history of being hit and miss on this.)
Now, if money were no object ...
Take all my kids & grand kids on a Disney Cruise
Travel to EVERY LDS Temple (once upon a time this WAS a serious goal of mine but that was before Gordon went on overdrive.)
Spend a year of service in a less developed country
And then of course there is the list of things I think would be great but so far do not have the level of commitment it takes to move them from pipe dream to reality...
These are all things I have either attempted or seriously considered in the past and either failed at miserably or just fizzled out on by lack of sustained effort. This is my list of shame of things I have let myself down on....maybe some day I can overcome them, or at least some of them. These are all things I would really like but have no confidence I'll ever do...
1. Learn to sew with confidence and skill (I have a decent sewing machine which I have not used in 10 yrs)
2. Write a book (sounds great, but I'm not sure I have anything to say that justifies the attempt)
3. Learn to speak/read/write fluent Spanish (hey, I was able to get us on a local bus and navigate around Playa del Carmen, I know how to cuss, count and ask where the bathroom is...but fluent is a whole other matter.)
4. Learn to play the piano and/or hand drum (I keep wishing I was musical. I am so not. I have yet to develop the necessary patience and willingness to tolerate my own mediocrity long enough to build even marginal skill.)
5. Learn to scuba dive so I can share my beloved's passion. (I tried lessons twice. I panicked both times. NOT for me.)
6. Become a smooth ballroom dancer. (I still count when I fox trot and I stink at waltz. The lessons were a fun weekly date night, but I just never really got the hang of it. Maybe if he would let me lead??)
Goals/dreams/wishes are all interesting things...
There are the things I don't really want, but think I SHOULD want.
There are the things I do want but believe I should not.
Mix those in with the things I truly do want...but am too weak or lazy to accomplish, or the things I keep striving for year after year, even when all evidence says I should just give up and accept they will never turn out as I hoped...
All that craving and climbing and trying...how much do I want to be about that and how much do I want to be about simply accepting what IS??
Depends on the day. Sometimes I think being driven and goal oriented is a positive thing. Other times I have my doubts.
I guess if I had to pick just ONE thing...it would be to be able to have peace & acceptance of myself and patience with others. It would be that state of being I call serenity ...the courage to change the things I can change, the serenity to accept the things I cannot and the wisdom to know the difference.
We've both made lists with two categories - the realistic thing we think we really can accomplish and then a dream wish list if money were no object.
Here are my lists.
What I plan to really do before I die:
1) Learn to Juggle
2) Eat pancakes with real maple syrup in New England in the fall
3) Hit Kelly Sedinger in the face with a pie (and of course be pied in return!)
4) Visit every State in the USA (right now I'm missing Alabama, Arkansas, Kansas and most of New England) I sort of like the idea of sending myself a post card from the state capital of every state so that would mean revisiting the ones I have been to.
5) Get all the way through the book "Jesus the Christ" by Talmage. I've started it several times. It's a hard read for me.
6) Be 100% debt free and have enough income/assetts for a simple life.
7) Consistently read my scriptures every single day for a year. (trying again on this one...so far so good, but I have a long history of being hit and miss on this.)
Now, if money were no object ...
Take all my kids & grand kids on a Disney Cruise
Travel to EVERY LDS Temple (once upon a time this WAS a serious goal of mine but that was before Gordon went on overdrive.)
Spend a year of service in a less developed country
And then of course there is the list of things I think would be great but so far do not have the level of commitment it takes to move them from pipe dream to reality...
These are all things I have either attempted or seriously considered in the past and either failed at miserably or just fizzled out on by lack of sustained effort. This is my list of shame of things I have let myself down on....maybe some day I can overcome them, or at least some of them. These are all things I would really like but have no confidence I'll ever do...
1. Learn to sew with confidence and skill (I have a decent sewing machine which I have not used in 10 yrs)
2. Write a book (sounds great, but I'm not sure I have anything to say that justifies the attempt)
3. Learn to speak/read/write fluent Spanish (hey, I was able to get us on a local bus and navigate around Playa del Carmen, I know how to cuss, count and ask where the bathroom is...but fluent is a whole other matter.)
4. Learn to play the piano and/or hand drum (I keep wishing I was musical. I am so not. I have yet to develop the necessary patience and willingness to tolerate my own mediocrity long enough to build even marginal skill.)
5. Learn to scuba dive so I can share my beloved's passion. (I tried lessons twice. I panicked both times. NOT for me.)
6. Become a smooth ballroom dancer. (I still count when I fox trot and I stink at waltz. The lessons were a fun weekly date night, but I just never really got the hang of it. Maybe if he would let me lead??)
Goals/dreams/wishes are all interesting things...
There are the things I don't really want, but think I SHOULD want.
There are the things I do want but believe I should not.
Mix those in with the things I truly do want...but am too weak or lazy to accomplish, or the things I keep striving for year after year, even when all evidence says I should just give up and accept they will never turn out as I hoped...
All that craving and climbing and trying...how much do I want to be about that and how much do I want to be about simply accepting what IS??
Depends on the day. Sometimes I think being driven and goal oriented is a positive thing. Other times I have my doubts.
I guess if I had to pick just ONE thing...it would be to be able to have peace & acceptance of myself and patience with others. It would be that state of being I call serenity ...the courage to change the things I can change, the serenity to accept the things I cannot and the wisdom to know the difference.
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Things to do before I die....
Ever since reading Mimi's post I've been mulling over in my mind what my own list of "things to do before I die" might look like.
If you had asked me in my 30's or early 40's I would have had quite a lengthy list. It used to be terribly important to me that I accomplish certain milestones.
But as I approach my half century mark, I find I'm less concerned these days with acquiring or accomplishing or any of that old stuff.
I've written in earlier posts about Stephen Shapiro's work on Goal Free Living. When I first started reading his work I was outraged - it sounded like utter blasphemy to me to give away all my carefully crafted goals. I thought that without goals I'd be reduced to a slug, never accomplishing anything. His views seemed like an utter cop out.
But now that I've read more and thought more, I think I am starting to get it.
It is helpful for me to have a general direction to move in, and to clarify what my values are. But when I lock myself into trying to accomplish very particular goals, then I close myself off from being able to recognize blessings and successes that come in other forms.
So instead of saying I will lose 20 lbs by the end of the year, (who are we kidding, anyway) I now say "I will strive to be more healthy". If I want to lose 20 lbs (without a major amputation) but for one reason or another (such as doughnuts, fried foods or general sloth) I only lose 15 lbs, then I've "Failed" the specific goal. But if what I really want is to be more healthy - every step closer I get becomes a success.
If I say "I want to go to Italy for my 50th birthday" and then at the last minute I chose to go to India or Nepal instead, I would have forfeited my original dream. However, if I say "I want to experience adventures and explore the world" no matter WHERE I go - (well, maybe not Gila Bend) I am in line with my values and appreciating the opportunity.
So this takes me back to my personal mission statment I crafted earlier:
I live with passion, faith and integrity.
I contribute to my family, community and the world.
I honor my own physical, mental, emotional and spiritual needs.
I continually strive for life long learning and personal growth.
As I let go of particular MUST DO lists, I feel lighter, more content. I remain open to all manner of great experiences and opportunities. But I won't be checking any of them off any predetermined list. I'll just wait and let the world surprise me. Is that a cop out? Maybe. But for now, it seems to fit.
If you had asked me in my 30's or early 40's I would have had quite a lengthy list. It used to be terribly important to me that I accomplish certain milestones.
But as I approach my half century mark, I find I'm less concerned these days with acquiring or accomplishing or any of that old stuff.
I've written in earlier posts about Stephen Shapiro's work on Goal Free Living. When I first started reading his work I was outraged - it sounded like utter blasphemy to me to give away all my carefully crafted goals. I thought that without goals I'd be reduced to a slug, never accomplishing anything. His views seemed like an utter cop out.
But now that I've read more and thought more, I think I am starting to get it.
It is helpful for me to have a general direction to move in, and to clarify what my values are. But when I lock myself into trying to accomplish very particular goals, then I close myself off from being able to recognize blessings and successes that come in other forms.
So instead of saying I will lose 20 lbs by the end of the year, (who are we kidding, anyway) I now say "I will strive to be more healthy". If I want to lose 20 lbs (without a major amputation) but for one reason or another (such as doughnuts, fried foods or general sloth) I only lose 15 lbs, then I've "Failed" the specific goal. But if what I really want is to be more healthy - every step closer I get becomes a success.
If I say "I want to go to Italy for my 50th birthday" and then at the last minute I chose to go to India or Nepal instead, I would have forfeited my original dream. However, if I say "I want to experience adventures and explore the world" no matter WHERE I go - (well, maybe not Gila Bend) I am in line with my values and appreciating the opportunity.
So this takes me back to my personal mission statment I crafted earlier:
I live with passion, faith and integrity.
I contribute to my family, community and the world.
I honor my own physical, mental, emotional and spiritual needs.
I continually strive for life long learning and personal growth.
As I let go of particular MUST DO lists, I feel lighter, more content. I remain open to all manner of great experiences and opportunities. But I won't be checking any of them off any predetermined list. I'll just wait and let the world surprise me. Is that a cop out? Maybe. But for now, it seems to fit.
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