Perspective

Kudos to Amber over at Aberchronicles for writing a smashing post on perspective.

I was recently thinking along the same lines...noting how perspective can be very different, as I went wandering through a few yard sales this weekend. One man's junk is another's found treasure.

I also had to smile about the fact that I am currently at war with dandelions in my lawn, yet one of the sweetest memories of my life is seeing my first born boy at about six months old grinning from his kingdom of dandelions many moons ago. (1975 to be exact!) In one case they were a beautiful field of precious yellow flowers. In another setting they are evil devil blooms I must eradicate.

Context is everything, it seems.

Reading Amber's post made me ponder over what it is I value and why I value it. This also helped me to remember to be more open minded about other people's point of view who may see things a bit differently than I do.

(Photo from Amber's blog - check it out HERE

Respond Differently

Jen over at Lords of the Manor has come up with an excellent suggestion. Out of the painful event of an injured knee she has come up with a challenge for bloggers to take up. She wrote: "Choose an area of your life in which you can respond differently. Maybe a relationship, parenting, interacting with friends, or maybe like me you need an attitude adjustment. Set a daily goal for yourself and keep track of how you respond differently in this situation, with this person, or with yourself and work on your goal for 4 weeks. Then on August 1 post a description of your goal, how you implemented it, and your results on your blog."

Well, obviously it's too late for me to give it four weeks, so I would not qualify for the prize. But that does not mean it's too late for me to explore areas of my own life where I could benefit from making some changes.

Also, it will be interesting to go back and read what others come up with.
Thanks for the challenge, Jen. Get better soon!

Searching for Perspective

We had people over for dinner last night for a lovely Christmas Eve feast which was fun. Great meal, lots of good visiting and my beloved got out his guitar to play for us to sing a few Christmas carols. It was nice. Today we are planning on just hanging out and enjoying a mellow day. We'll play scrabble and watch movies and nibble on goodies. Right now my man is enjoying sleeping in with no little kids to get us up at Oh-dark-thirty to open presents. Of course I woke up around 5AM and couldn't get back to sleep...so here I sit.

I got my no thank you letter in the mail yesterday from Grand Rapids Community College. So we will NOT be moving to Michigan.

My emotions have been bouncing some in response to that...

there is disappointment, relief, sadness, anxiety, confusion

Part of me is actually quite glad I don't have to give up my home here and all that is familiar.

Part of me was really counting on this move and feels terrible about the loss.

Part of me is nervous and scared about finding ANY kind of decent job and worried about being at loose ends when my current position ends.

So my feelings have been doing lots of flip flops.

I KNEW it was a long shot when I applied for this position, but the job just seemed so perfect for me. Beyond that, I honestly felt like this was God's way of getting me back close to my family. I have two sons and eight grandkids living in Michigan. I miss them something awful. I was so longing to be able to be there to participate in their lives in a more direct way rather than being the grandma who visits once a year and sends cool care packages.

I try to tell myself that things are unfolding as they are meant to, that there is some other purpose for my staying here.

But then I just get jaded and cynical and believe life is all random and nothing matters anyway.

I have no plan B at this point. Sometime in the next 6 months I need to find a job. Maybe it will be here. Maybe it will be someplace else. I want to trust that something will appear on the horizon when it needs to. But trust is in short supply just now.

So it goes...

Really??

This afternoon I picked up the letter of reference my boss has promised to write for me in support of the job application I am submitting to go work at a different school. I was absolutely floored when I read it. I fully expected that he would write something nice. You don't generally agree to write a reference letter unless you have something positive you can say. Still, I did not expect what I got. He wrote a very detailed two page letter giving specific examples of how my skills and experience are a direct match to the job description for the position I want and describing my work here in far more glowing terms than I ever would have dreamed.

You could have knocked me over with a feather.

Half the time I feel like a big faker, certain sure that any day now I will be exposed and everyone will see what a big fraud I really am. So when he went on and on describing me like some big shot expert, all I could think at first was: "Who is he kidding? Was he just being nice? Did he just write that stuff so some other poor sap will hire me and then he'd have me out of his hair?"

Nope. Apparently not. When we talked about it later he reaffirmed that I really have done all those things and that they show what a good match I would be for this other job I am shooting for.

Why is it sometimes so hard for me to hear, much less believe, positive things? When I get critical feedback I have no problem taking THAT to heart. Why is it I continue to be my own worst critic - seeing every flaw in BOLD FACE TYPE while my accomplishments I discount. I need to work on that. I don't want to get all prideful and arrogant or think I'm better than anyone else, but darn it all I AM good at a few things and wish I didn't struggle so with giving myself credit for that.

I don't know if I will even get an interview - much less get hired for this other job I am applying for. It is very, very common for many work sites to post jobs to meet legal requirements for being "equal opportunity employers" even when they know in advance exactly who they plan to hire. But I'll give it my best shot and see what happens.

But whether or not that door opens for me, it gave me a moment to consider my own self perception of my work performance and how that does or does not match what other people see. No one has ever thrown tomatoes yet. Maybe it is time to turn off (or at least reduce the volume) on that critic in my head.

What a difference a year makes

Anyone who reads this blog with any regularity a)has too much free time and b) knows one of my favorite blogger pals is the infamous overall clad man in Buffalo - Jaquandor over at Byzantium's Shores.

I skip over the sports nonsense and a few other things that hold no interest for me, but there is MUCH about his blog I adore. One of my favorite things he shares is called "Sentential Links". Basically, he explores the blogosphere and shares bits and pieces of posting he found worthwhile. He's honored me there more than once which is always flattering, but even better than that he has introduced me to some top notch writing.

Well anyway, all that is a long preamble to saying one of the links Kelly recently posted was THIS ONE which came at a time when I really needed to read it.

Yes indeed, what a difference a year makes. I need to remember this.