Be Careful What You Ask For

Well, I did ask for it to stop raining. So maybe I should be grateful. But what I THINK I need to be is more specific in my weather requests. It is no longer raining. Now it is alternating between hail, sleet and snow. SHEEH. Will someone please tell the sky that it is spring?

A Work in Progress...

If it ever stops raining long enough to dry out we may actually make some serious progress on our front yard project. At least we've gotten started.

In the front corner by our mailbox we had several rose bushes. I took out the biggest one and made room for some iris and lilies.






We also got brave and cut out much of our lawn. We rented a sod cutter which helped, but the rolling, lifting and hauling away the strips of cut sod was a lot more work than we had anticipated, particularly since the ground was still wet so the pieces we had to move were REALLY heavy. However, I'm pretty happy with how the "bikini lawn" came out.




I took out one of the boxwoods under the bedroom window and planted a forsythia in its place. Eventually the other two boxwoods will go as well, probably to be replaced by burning bush, but for now it's just nice having that spot of color in the middle.




The main project so far has been reworking the irrigation and putting in the flowerbed around the light pole. First of course came LOTS of discussion of what we wanted to put there, how to border it, what shape and size, etc, with lots of mind changing along the way. We started out with this:



After cutting out the grass, digging out LOTS of rock, roto-tilling the irrigation lines, um, yeah...and a few other adventures we are getting there.




Next will come the raised beds for our veggies. We sort of have a plan...



but exactly how it will turn out when it's really done remains to be seen. We debated whether we wanted to put rock or bark around the boxes where we have taken the grass out. However, we dug so many blasted roots out of the ground from where the big trees were we cut down (3 huge pines and one locust) that after we put them through the shredder/chipper we now have two big garbage cans full of shredded roots. I'm tempted to just put that down instead of buying bark. Am I nuts? DON'T ANSWER THAT!

After we get the raised bed in we will decide where to place the two new trees we got




and then we will put in our water feature...

There is still A LOT of work to be done. But we are getting there. My hands are chapped and my back is sore. The laundry is piling up. This project has really taken over nearly all of our time. However, it should look nice when we get it all done. Let's hope so anyway!

SPRING!

FINALLY it is officially Spring. I've been getting out in the yard to dig in the dirt every chance I can get. It does my heart good to see things coming back to life.

Of course, there are the obvious and expected things like Crocus Booming


Giant alliums coming up


Tulips Coming up


Lamium blooming


and the Rhododendron's showing a bit of color, buds just getting ready to pop.

(I'm especially excited about them since we moved in here in June, after they were all finished so this will be my first season to see them bloom.)

However, there are still plenty of plants in the yard I have yet to identify. So, friends, neighbors, it's time once again to play NAME THAT PLANT.

Do you know any of these?


MYSTERY PLANT 1 - low ground plant with small white flowers


MYSTERY PLANT 2 - I don't kn0w whether to call this a tall bush or a bushy tree - it's over 6 foot tall...no clue what it is.


MYSTERY PLANT #3 - this is and evergreen shrub of some sort planted behind my rhododendron. I was hoping it also bloomed but the little bud things don't look too promising.



MYSTERY PLANT #4 -


I have several of these and think they are pretty, but I have no idea what it is.

There's lots of other things coming up...I will catalog a few each week, some I know and some I don't. Also - coming soon, photos of our complete remodel of the front yard. GASP. Yep, we have begun. Chopped down the giant locust tree much to our neighbor's horror. Then we started tearing out lawn. Not ALL of it...we have a nice curving strip in the front which I affectionately refer to as my "bikini lawn". Behind that, however will soon be 3 4' x 8' raised beds surrounded by bark and off to the side a fountain that I will plant geraniums and marigolds around. Then, in front around the ugly light pole that our housing development requires for every yard (ugh!) we have taken out a big section of grass where we plan to put in 3 rose bushes, some tall ornamental grass, lilies and maybe move the delphiniums from the back yard that never get enough sun to bloom.

We also bought a serpentine weeping cherry and a weeping pussy willow tree to plant in front.

It's all a torn up mess right now, but we're diligently working on it and hoping that it will be beautiful when we get it all done.

Fickle Idaho Weather

Spring is here, sort of, kind of, well maybe. Heck with what the calendar says. This morning before leaving for work I took a walk around the back yard to see what might be coming up.

Here is what I see so far:

BLOOMING:
Crocus and hellebore

JUST COMING UP:
Bleeding Heart
Columbine
Delphinium
Lamium
Rhubarb
And of course some stuff I don't know what is.

SHOWING SOME BUDS
Rhododendron
Lilac

I was feeling all springy and excited about the coming growing season.

Then throughout the day the weather turned wacky on me. The sun was shining. Then skies got grey. Then it was SNOWING with great big flakes and looked like it was going to stick. By the time I got off work at 5:30, however, it was blue skies again. Welcome to Idaho!

Ever changing weather notwithstanding, I AM excited to get back to my gardens.
We have big plans for the front yard this year...

We are taking out the great big Locust Tree that makes such a mess all year long. Hey, I LOVE my trees, but that particular one has got to go! Then, we will plant a Red Bud tree and a Weeping Cherry along with some whisky barrels of flowers and decorative rock. We are still weighing the pros and cons of whether we will keep the lawn or take it out entirely.

We do plan to put in three raised beds for vegetables.

Before I do anything too drastic we will be going to the upcoming Boise Flower and Garden show (March 25-27) to get some ideas and ask questions about what grows well in this zone.

In the mean time I'm exploring various garden blogs to see what tips I can pick up.
These are some I've been checking out:

Gardens of the Wild West
Natsplants
Our Life in Idaho

One last thing...I scored a half price family membership to the Idaho Botanical Gardens through Groupon, so I'm looking forward to checking that out...perhaps this weekend if the weather is nice. But then, this IS Idaho. So it could be sunny. Or snowing. Or both.

Charm City

I just got back from attending a conference in Baltimore, Maryland. I was there for work, so most of my time was spent in the hotel. However, some colleagues and I did walk down to the inner harbor each evening for dinner. Two nights in a row we ate at Phillips which had some absolutely amazing sea food. The first night I had crab stuffed shrimp that was served on a bed of rice and vegetables. The second night I had a broiled seafood platter that included their award winning crab cake (much more crab than cake), garlic shrimp and broiled mahi mahi with a green Thai curry sauce that was to die for. DOUBLE YUM~!!

On the last day of the conference one of the other members of my team and I took some time to explore a bit by riding the "Circle Lady", the free city bus that took us into the Mt. Vernon district (on the Purple Route). We met some interesting people on the bus. I struck up a conversation with a few different folks, asking them what they liked best or least about living in Baltimore. It was intriguing the range of answers I got.

Baltimore, MD is known as "Charm City". Some say that is because in the 1970's the city developer came up with a promotional campaign (similar to something done in Pendleton, Oregon), having various businesses offer charms that in some way represent their establishments. People were encouraged to get the bracelets they went on and collect all the different charms, so the name stuck.

However, others say the name is more for the feeling of the place. Located on the East Coast of the United States, between New York City and Washington, D.C., Baltimore is one of America's oldest cities, known for its rich ethnic and maritime heritage, sense of history and fine food.

Whatever the reason, I found Baltimore to be a delightful city. Sure, it has its problems, as any city will. But at least the area where I went was pretty, it was surprisingly clean and I never once saw pan handlers or homeless people hanging about like I did on nearly every street corner on a recent trip to Salt Lake City.

I would like to believe that Baltimore's lack of beggars had more to do with providing appropriate resources for people down on their luck so they had more suitable avenues for getting what they need. I suspect it may have more to do with lack of tolerance for those who don't promote the "charm" image.

In speaking with some of the folks we met along our bus route the general consensus seemed to be that Baltimore is kept beautiful along the inner harbor and main business district - where I was for my conference; From what I was told once you get outside of that carefully guarded corridor there is a general decay.

The January 2009 Point-in-Time Homeless count for Baltimore was 3,419. That is out of a city with an estimated population of 636,919. (steadily decreasing since 1980.)

An interesting point a gentleman made to me on our bus ride was that there are enough vacant houses and apartments throughout the city to accommodate every one of those homeless individuals. However, those houses and apartments belong to someone who has no obligation to have them used by strangers in need. So what is the greater problem - poverty and homelessness or lack of willingness to be our brother's keeper?

That opens up a whole kettle of fish about whether or not giving someone free housing is in the best interest of the individual or the community. I worked in providing services to homeless long enough to know that many people fear if we do a really good job of providing for our poor the consequence will be having your community become a magnet attracting down and out folks from areas with fewer services. There are no simple answers.

Still, for me, my stay in "Charm City" was a pleasant one, even if I only saw the shiny face put on for visitors. I acknowledge that there are indeed significant problems behind that facade. Nevertheless, of the various people I talked to I felt a real authenticity behind the "charm", and I very much appreciated the graciousness and open friendly attitudes I encountered.

I will long remember the homeless vet who was carrying a big bag of food bank bread to go feed the ducks in the park. He didn't have much, but as he went he offered bread to the bus driver and other passengers, entreating them each to have a great day. I will remember the bouncer who had a pretty jaded view of life, who spent his days "beating people up and throwing them out of the bar when they get out of hand" and compare that to the conversation I had with the bus driver, an attractive young woman who had moved to Baltimore the year before, praising the city she viewed as "quiet, a good place to raise my son." (She had come from New York City.)

No matter where I go there will be both good and bad. I can be like the bouncer or the bus driver. I choose which part I will focus on.

75 Questions

I passed out a handout in the Marriage and Family Relations class that I am currently teaching that had some interesting questions.

I'm thinking I may try to answer at least some of them here. (I'm NOT telling the whole world the most foolish thing I've ever done or what my greatest regret is....) but a bunch of them look worth pursuing.

Here's the list for any of the rest of you navel gazers who may be interested in starting something like this:

75 QUESTIONS
1. What do I want to know that I have not asked?
2. How could I improve my learning experience right now?
3. Am I doing what I really want to do?
4. What am I grateful for?
5. What’s missing in my life?
6. Am I honest?
7. Do I listen to others?
8. Do I work hard?
9. Do I help others?
10. What do I need to change about myself?
11. Have I hurt others?
12. Do I complain?
13. What’s next for me?
14. Do I have fun?
15. Have I seized opportunities?
16. Do I care about others?
17. Do I spend enough time with my family?
18. Am I open-minded?
19. Have I seen enough of the world?
20. Do I judge others?
21. Do I take risks?
22. What is my purpose?
23. What is my biggest fear?
24. How can I conquer that fear?
25. Do I thank people enough?
26. Am I successful?
27. What am I ashamed of?
28. Do I annoy others?
29. What are my dreams?
30. Am I positive?
31. Am I negative?
32. Is there an afterlife?
33. Does everything happen for a reason?
34. What can I do to change the world?
35. What is the most foolish thing I’ve ever done?
36. Am I cheap?
37. Am I greedy?
38. Who do I love?
39. Who do I want to meet?
40. Where do I want to go?
41. What am I most proud of?
42. Do I care what others think about me?
43. What are my talents?
44. Do I utilize those talents?
45. What makes me happy?
46. What makes me sad?
47. What makes me angry?
48. Am I satisfied with my appearance?
49. Am I healthy?
50. What was the toughest time in my life?
51. What was the easiest time in my life?
52. Am I selfish?
53. What was the craziest thing I did?
54. What is the craziest thing I want to do?
55. Do I procrastinate?
56. What is my greatest regret?
57. What has had the greatest impact on my life?
58. Who has had the greatest impact on my life?
59. Do I stand up for myself?
60. Have I settled for mediocrity?
61. Do I hold grudges?
62. What book has had a positive impact on my life?
63. Do I listen to my heart?
64. How could I bring more joy and passion into my life right now?
65. What role does prayer have in my life?
66. Do I constantly dwell on the past?
67. Do I let other people’s negativity affect me?
68. Do I forgive myself?
69. When I help someone do I think “What’s in it for me”?
70. Am I aware that someone always has it worse than me?
71. Do I smile more than I frown?
72. Do I surround myself with good people?
73. Do I take time out for myself?
74. Do I ask enough questions?
75. What other questions do I have?

Freeze Your Boogers Cold

Tomorrow I am heading out to Baltimore for several days of meetings for my job. So, as I'm getting my suitcases packed and printing out my itinerary, I just checked out the anticipated weather there. It's gonna be COLD. Perhaps that's just as well. It will remind me loud and clear that winter is still with us. It darn sure is not time to pack away the long johns yet.

Today was absolutely gorgeous here in Boise. Made me hanker for spring. I KNOW it's only February. We're likely to see more snow before this winter of 2010-2011 is over. This was just a brief respite. But oh, how glorious it felt. Yesterday I took Morgan the wonder dog for a long walk and used that as a chance to catch up with a friend I had not had a chance to visit with for a while. As we walked all around the neighborhood we saw several people out raking leaves up, trimming roses, savoring being out in the sun.

I am ever so grateful for seasons - even the "freeze your boogers" cold spells we occasionally get. I lived a lot of years in Arizona where there was little change in the look of things. Seasons went from mild to hot to holy cow- cook your brains hot. In Phoenix there were never any tulips or daffodils in sprig time (except those sold by florists). There were no red leaves in the fall. For all the nice things about living in the valley of the sun, the monotony of sand, sun, concrete and palm trees sure did get old.

Here I feel very connected to the earth through the changing seasons. It serves as a good reminder for me that life has times of rapid growth and new green shoots and times of dormancy and dark.

I love the seasons. All of them. Each has it's own beauty.

Still, I really am ready for spring.

Pirated Blogrolls

Lynn over at Violins & Starships has put in a whole lot of efforts into creating a very impressive collection of blogs and websites that seems worthy of exploring.
I've explored a few and want to go back to look at others, so rather than just bookmarking her page I figured I'd share it HERE.


That of course got me to thinking - who else has well thought out, neatly indexed blogrolls I might pirate?

There are
Education Blogs
Garden Blogs
Idaho Blogs
LDS Blogs

Do you have any favorite blogrolls to recommend?

Cruising the Blogosphere...

Saturday morning is Pancake morning at Casa Piranha.

I've enjoyed a lazy morning, sipping a cup of Good Earth herbal tea and exploring the blogosphere for a bit. Here are a few of the gems that impressed me...

1. Dan over at Black Owl has an EXCELLENT piece on the dearth of critical thinking in the retail world during holiday shopping...(which is endemic throughout the year, and not just in retail, I am afraid.)

2. Ruth over at Upstream Downstream shares some words on assumptions about guilt and innocence and our jury system...

3. Violins and Starships offered up a great clip of Elvis singing "Blue Solstice" to entertain my Pagan friends.

4. And just for grins, David over at Nephite Blood, Spartan Heart, shared some positively hillarious pictures that made me laugh.

5. Sergio over at Space Time Chronicles wrote a lovely piece on censorship from the perspective of a scientist. That one is an older piece from 2009, but isn't that the beauty of the blog world? It's still there to discover.

I LIKE being able to find cutting edge words about what people are pondering RIGHT NOW - the immediacy of this form of media has much appeal. But at the very same time I occassionally enjoy sampling the thoughts of various writers whose blogs have since languished or who may not have updated for quite some time.

Do you have any favorite dead blogs - words that resonated with you and maybe made you sad that the writers have ceased to publish?

A New Read - Earl of Darkness

I just received a brand spanking new book hot off the press from the author - "Earl of Darkness" by Alix Rickloff.

From the Publisher:
The magic she tries to hide . . . Born a lady, but reduced to surviving in the slums of Dublin, Catriona O’Connell has been hired to steal a mysterious book from Aidan Douglas, Earl of Kilronan. But Cat is secretly Other, an age-old mixture of Fey and human—something Aidan recognizes immediately when he surprises the lovely young burglar in his library, about to steal a magical diary.. . . is the magic he desperately wants. From the moment Aidan sees her, Cat’s spirited beauty enchants him, but her uncanny abilities are what he truly needs, for Cat can understand the mystical language in the diary he inherited from his murdered father. So Aidan makes an offer: translate the book or be thrown in prison as a thief. And as Cat slowly deciphers each page, she and Aidan are drawn together by passion . . . and into the violence of the Other world that is the Kilronan legacy. Can they defeat those who seek the book, or are their lives in even greater danger than their hearts?

EARL OF DARKNESS
ALIX RICKLOFF

•Pub. Date: December 2010
•Publisher: Simon & Schuster Adult Publishing Group
•ISBN-13: 9781439170366
•ISBN: 1439170363

You can see an excerpt from Chapter 1 HERE to get a taste of what I'm about to read.

I'm intrigued, hopeful, apprehensive, as I get ready to peruse the pages of this new book by an unfamiliar author - admittedly a genre I seldom dabble in. It's sort of like going to a fancy dress up party where I don't know any of the other guests. I may have a smashing good time. I may feel awkward and out of place. Who knows? But I'm ready to jump in and see if it is a fit.

Thanks ever so much for the book Alex - I will let you know what I think...

Book Review - Kisser by Stuart Woods

Have you ever finished reading a book and wished you had back the six or eight hours it took you to slog your way through it? Kisser, by Stuart Woods, was that kind of book.

This is the 17th novel in the Stone Barrington series, and frankly, I was disappointed and embarrassed for poor Stone. While none of the books could ever be accused of being overly cerebral, the earlier volumes were at least reasonably entertaining and inoffensive. I recall reading a few years ago that were actually quite fun, although I usually got tired of hearing what Stone Barrington was wearing.

This book had none of the charm or interest I recall from Woods' earlier works. It went from one scene of gratuitous sex to another with a sloppy plot, poor character development and insipid dialogue. As far as being the "exciting new page turner..." claimed on the dust jacket - not hardly.

I picked it it up because my husband had checked it out from the library and had it along on our recent trip to Salt Lake City. I'd mainly brought along serious stuff and was in the mood for a diversion. I thought this book could provide some fun escape. I should not have bothered. At two or three points I almost put it down because I didn't like the language or the ridiculous sex scenes. However, I kept at it thinking that it would get better. It didn't. From the first page to the last, I never found myself able to engage with the story and there were several spots where it was just plain weak writing. I felt like Woods let his audience down and did a disservice to an established character.

I was determined I was not going to make any New Years resolutions this year. I think I'm going to change my mind. It's going to be a long time before I will be willing to pick up any novel by Stuart Woods (if ever), but more importantly if I ever pick up another book by ANYONE that appears this lame in the first 50 pages I will put it down and never look back. This book was a complete waste of time.

Book Review - LUCKY by Alice Sebold

I just finished listening to the audio book "Lucky" by Alice Sebold. I have to admit, had I known what the book was going to be about, I would have passed. However, having very much enjoyed her highly acclaimed novel "The Lovely Bones", when I saw her name on the CD case of this one sitting on the library shelf I scooped it up without much looking. I knew Sebold to be a writer with the capacity to craft incredibly powerful word pictures, whose sentences riveted me. I was very much looking forward to another one of her tales.

However, it became apparent in the first five minutes this was no novel. It is, in fact, her harrowing autobiographical account of having been brutally raped by a stranger at age 18, of the trial that convicted her assailant and all the many ways that having been so savagely violated impacted her life. She didn't flinch with words in describing exactly what happened to her. She describes the brutality and degradation of the attack in infinite detail. Yet she also does not over sensationalize her experience of being a "victim" of a violent sex crime. She relays her experiences in matter-of-fact report which she reads nearly dead-pan, with all the passion and inflection of Joe Friday.

Sebold's skill with words served her well as she wove her story. I was particularly impressed by the balance with which she gave back story vignettes of her childhood and about her family, just enough to portray a clear picture of who the 18 year old virgin was that was attacked that day that forever severed her life into a grim dichotomy of before and after. By having a picture of who she was as a daughter and as a sister, seeing what she was like in high school as well as getting glimpses into her freshman college friendships it allows the reader to more fully comprehend the split between the "before" Alice Sebold and the after.

Where the book fell down some was towards the end where she brushes around a period of her life that seemed equally significant. She alludes to much with shadow images she never quite brings into view. Particularly because of the unscathing detail of the earlier parts it made the later sections feel something between rushed and deliberately vague, which I found unsatisfying.

Overall though, this is a very powerful, well written book. It's not for everyone as it does have extremely graphic descriptions of her assault which could be a painful trigger for anyone with their own baggage of trauma history, which sadly includes far too many people. However, those willing to bear witness to the horrific part of Sebold's experience that accounts for the first few pages will be drawn in and captivated by her descriptions of coming to terms with that event - how it changed her and how she made sense of her life in the aftermath.

MOST people will not experience what Sebold did. However, sexual violence is far from a rare occurrence in this country.

A website from Ohio University reports that "In the United States, 1.3 women are raped every minute. That results in 78 rapes each hour, 1872 rapes each day, 56160 rapes each month and 683,280 rapes each year. 1 out of every 3 American women will be sexually assaulted in her lifetime. The United States has the world's highest rape rate of the countries that publish such statistics. It's 4 times higher than Germany, 13 times higher than England, and 20 times higher than Japan."

As horrific as it is for a woman (or man, for that matter) to have to experience, too often that experience is made worse because of the negative social perceptions and stigma associated with it. In the book "Lucky" Sebold describes what it was like being looked at as "the girl who was raped" and the degree to which she internalized the view of being damaged goods.

This is a powerful book to read because it is incredibly well written. It is an important book to read because it takes an unscathing look not only at the ugly crime of rape, but also on the social and legal responses to that crime.

Persistance Pays Off

I'm feeling pretty good about a recent accomplishment. I set a goal and stuck with it even when it got frustrating to the point of tears. I decided I wanted to make something fun for my family for Christmas presents. I had a cool pattern for making Polar Fleece Socks. There was just one problem with that. I don't sew. Not that I don't usually sew or I don't care to sew. I mean I don't sew at ALL, like I never really learned. I don't even thread needles.

But I do own a sewing machine that I bought about 35 years ago. I've hauled that darn thing all over the country with me every time we moved. A few different times in the past 20 years I had actually tried to make various items. Most of the results of those early efforts were somewhere between disappointment and disaster. So I gave up. I just never got rid of the machine.

I knew from experience from all my failed attempts in the past that just going at it alone was not likely to turn out much different, no matter how enthusiastic my intentions might be. So this time I found someone who has MUCH successful experience sewing to help me get started. We made the first pair of socks together at her house to show me the ropes. Then,she gave my old machine a thorough review and oiling, pronouncing it a dandy despite it's age and years of neglect. So, armed with renewed confidence and determination I set off for home to continue the project solo.

Enter ominous music from movie Jaws at this point.

Suffice it to say that initially all did not go well. At one point I was terribly frustrated, convinced I was incapable. One pair of socks had it's stitching done wrong and ripped out three different times. (I know, I'm a dork. How hard could this be??)

But this time I DID NOT QUIT.

I kept at it. My first pair on my own didn't look all that great. The seams on the ribbing cuffs did not match up quite right with the seam on the sock. The pattern of the fleece on one foot did not match the pattern position on the other foot. They were maybe just a tad lopsided. But you know what? They were still cozy and warm. So rather than tear them out again or give up, I kept going.

EVENTUALLY I had produced five pairs of polar fleece socks with contrasting soles and ribbing cuffs that were down right acceptable. They were NOT perfect by any means. But I still gave them to my family as gifts and they loved them. See!



There were several key lessons learned by this process...
1) When learning a new skill it really helps to have a guide who knows what they are doing.
2) Perfection is not the goal. It's ok to have high standards, but if I am not willing to tolerate some mistakes along the way I'll never learn anything new.
3) It really did get easier by the 5th pair. If I just keep at it long enough, it gets better.

I don't know if I am ever going to be a skilled seamstress. But I'm pretty darned proud of those socks. And I aim to keep trying and keep learning. Sewing can be a cool thing. Besides, I've carried around that silly machine for a long time. It's long overdue to be put to good use!

It's about time I learned that I can make something besides just Macaroni angels!

Says Who??

Ok, I'm genuinely curious. What sort of virus protection do you use on your computer?

My desktop computer caught a nasty bug for Christmas. I was able to get it removed by accessing the services of McAfee virus specialists - cost me $89 bucks and about 45 minutes of my cell phone time, but they got it all fixed without me having to disconnect my machine and take it in somewhere. Sort of amazing that their support guys who are in INDIA can work on my machine in BOISE by remote access. Anyway, the machine is back up and running, feeling ever so much better. I've now got all three of my computers running with McAfee virus protection and feel a lot more confident that they will stay safe.

However, a good pal of mine in AZ reports having had terrible luck with McAfee and she insists she would never use them again.

So I'm just wondering what others out there are using these days.

I used to have Norton. Then I went to McAfee for a while. Then when I bought my last desktop a few years ago the friend I bought it from had put the free version of AVG on it and said that should be fine. I kept MEANING to change it, but had not gotten around to it. (THAT is how I got infected - never again!) So now I'm back on board with McAfee.

I've found their tech support people to be polite and always able to communicate clearly, and solve the issues I've gone to them for. My own experience has been I have not ever gotten bugs while running their protection. So I feel like I can rely on their product even though someone I know and respect has had a completely different experience.

Which leads me to wonder-apart from virus protection programs, when it comes to other products and services, how much stock do I put in the recommendations / warnings of friends or anonymous online reviews? When it comes to life in general how much do I listen to the advice and council of others and how much do I go after my own inclinations?

Some things are just a matter of a match...for instance some of my students would say the sociology class I teach is fabulous and would encourage their friends to also sign up for it. Others will say it is way too much work and will warn other students away from the mean teacher who is so picky about requiring citations. A lot of services that rely on relationship as much as technical skill - therapists, hair stylists, etc may be a perfect fit for some folks while not being suitable at all for someone else. Other things like banking services can be measured by a more objective yardstick - what are their locations? Their hours? Their fees?

When I go out of town (as I just did) I often read reviews of hotels online before making a reservation. When I buy new products I sometimes look for customer reviews. But on more than one occasion I have gone for some service on the advice of a friend or family member only to be sorely disappointed.

So tell me - how do YOU pick a new doctor or hair stylist or car? Who do you listen to? Also do tell me if you will, what virus protection are you using? I'd really like to know.

Italy or New Zealand?

Next year my beloved and I will be celebrating our 30th anniversary. For some time now we have tentatively been planning a trip to Italy to celebrate. However, I think that trip just may get bumped. As much as I would adore spending time in Rome, Pisa, Florence and Venice, we've about made up our minds to try a different itinerary.

I think we may be headed to New Zealand.

No, it does not have the amazing cathedrals :


























But I think the breathtaking natural scenery just might make up for that:






So you lurkers and fans...

Any of you ever been to New Zealand? Or Italy? Any thoughts on pros and cons of which would be the better trip?

Warm wishes to my visitors of 2010

As I am basking in the sparkle of this lovely Christmas Eve, I want to wish many blessings to my friends - both those I know in the real word and those who I know only in the vitural sense...

So I started looking back through my 2010 posts.
These are the folks who have dropped by:

Jen from Lords of the Manor
Natalie from What's Cool in Alaska
Deb H from Cold Feet Quilter
Mimi from Bigger Than a BreadBox
Rozel whose personal blog has disappeared! but still has posts up at Page Nibblers
Kersten at Altered Gypsy
Elizabeth from Posts from Portland
Tristi from Tristi Pinkston, LDS Author
Pat from Pat's Place (the blog that never really materialize but was a fun start!)
JJ at The Disconnected Writer
Cheri Crane from Cran-ium
Kelly aka Jaquandor at Byzantium's Shores
Katherine Darrow from Kat Tracks
Marley Delarose from Love Knows No Boundaries and Blame it on the Muse
Dan from Dan Harrington

Thanks to all of you who took the time to look at what I had to say and leave a comment.
I've had lots of stops and starts with this blog this year - a move, a change in jobs, and much transition of mind and heart.

Having dear friends, both those I hug in the real world and those I hug only with my words are what made the year shine.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Differences in Traditions

My same pal, Tristi, that I mentioned in my previous post is also a contributing writer to Families.Com - a commercial blog about marriage and family issues. I've been mining through back posts there to see if there might be any good info I can glean for the sociology class in Marriage & the Family I will be teaching for CWI this Spring Term.

After several years of teaching primarily online classes I am excited about the chance to get back into the classroom. I've arranged my schedule at my full time job to allow me release time to do this traditional face to face class one day a week. That will give me a very full plate to fit it all in. But with some strategic time management I'm pretty sure I'll be ok.

So as I read through some of the posts Tristi has written I was very impressed by the timely piece she did on "Differences in Traditions"

Whether it be in how couples handle the holidays, general philosophies about money management in a marriage, views on child rearing or relationships with in-laws, one of the challenges of any marriage is bringing together people with different life experiences and different ways of doing things. For those who have the added challenge of being from completely different cultures, or even as in my case having a wide age gap between partners that can create generational perspective differences, it can require some interesting negotiating.

I think one of the most significant things Tristi pointed out in her blog post on this topic is that the modern day tradition we act out may be a RESPONSE to earlier experience rather that a continuation of things handed down from the past. She talks about the importance to her of giving her kids special gifts for Christmas because she grew up without much in the way of material sparkle. In a way, providing an abundant Christmas for her family now is reaching back to the kid she used to be and making up for what she missed out on. Her husband grew up with over-the-top Christmas celebrations throughout his life. For him, the glitz and glamour is far less important.

These words hit home to me with a vengeance. I can see how in several cases, not just at Christmas, I have done things for my kids that were more about responding to my own sense of what I had missed out on growing up than they were about meeting a present need they had.

What sort of tradition differences do you have in your family? How do you negotiate which style of Christmas (or other things) will win out at your house these days? I'd be really interested to hear.

BOOK REVIEW - Who's At the Door?

I was recently asked by my writer/publisher pal, Tristi Pinkston, to do a review of the book “Who’s at the Door" by Dan Harrington. I've always been happy to join in the blog tours of books, so of course I said yes.

Who's at the Door? is a quick and easy read in which author Dan Harrington describes his meetings with a succession of different LDS missionaries in the town of Augusta, Maine between 2007 and 2009. As an aspiring writer with one publication credit in a local newspaper, Harrington initially became interested in learning more about the “Elders” as subjects for a human interest article he planned to write. Over time he developed friendships with several of the missionaries who served in that area. He allowed them to continue to come to his home to teach lessons about LDS doctrine, known as “taking the discussions”, and through that process begins to more closely examine his own beliefs.

When I first picked up the book I thought this was going to be a snapshot into the life of LDS missionaries. This is not that kind of story. Instead, Harrington turns the tables by capturing what it was like to be an “investigator”, a person learning about the teachings of the church. He describes his feelings about the different principles he is introduced to and reflects on how those teachings fit or did not fit with his established beliefs. He tells bits and pieces of what it was like to visit an LDS congregation and explores the things that he admires about or struggles with regarding the church and its members.

Clearly this book is intended for an LDS audience. While Harrington holds onto the “outsider’s view” in describing the teachings and traditions of the church, he portrays Latter-day Saints in very positive terms. Even when he reaches the points that hold him back from embracing the religion, he gives “the Mormons” the benefit of the doubt at every turn.

Harrington seems quite sincere in his affection and admiration for the missionaries. At several points throughout the book it seemed to me that he was less motivated in his ongoing meetings with the Elders by any serious spiritual searching than he was simply a guy who needed friends. He appeared to enjoy spiritual discussions to a point, but most of his focus was on the personal sincerity of the various elders he encountered and the fun times they had when he would take the guys to various restaurants to share a meal.

One thing that was very much missing from the story was how any of Harrington’s established friends may have reacted to him spending so much time with the Elders. He briefly mentions talking to his parents and sister about his interest in the church. Yet never once did he mention anything about other friends of his over a time span of three years. To me, that seemed to reinforce the notion that perhaps he was a guy that didn’t have many people he felt close to in his life, which may have been why he was so open to spending as much time with the missionaries as he did.

In the epilogue to the book Harrington writes: “I don’t think too many conversions hinge on how accurate the Book of Mormon may or may not be. People want a place to be accepted, a place to hear about God, a place where they feel God hears them. Simply put, most people aren’t theologians. Neither am I. That’s what we have in common.” That, for me, was the most telling passage of the entire book.

Both the strength and the weakness of this story is that the experience of investigating a religion is a deeply personal thing. Each individual’s journey is unique. So ultimately this book tells us a lot about Dan Harrington’s view and experiences in exploring the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, but offers very little that can be generalized to investigators as a group.

Some seek out a new church hoping to find a community where they can feel the reassurance of nice people who they enjoy being around. Others focus more on pursuing a spiritual confirmation about the truth of the principles taught. Some may be drawn to the church for its reputation of providing support in times of need. Perhaps the greatest value this book held for me was the ways in which it prompted me to take a closer look at my own motives for my involvement with my church family. Reading this book served as a catalyst for me to re-examine what the source of my own commitment to my faith is. Beyond that, it was a reminder to me about the importance of being open and supportive toward those who may come to investigate our faith. Because, as the prophet Gordon B. Hinkley taught us, one of the first things all new members need to feel welcome in church is to have a friend.

If you are looking for a fast read for the holidays, you can purchase this book HERE

I see you

One of my all time favorite movies is Avatar...the James Cameron blockbuster. The most compelling line from the whole movie to me is "I see you" which among the people of the Na'vi means so much more than I see you standing there in front of me. It is their ways of acknowledging the other person on a far more comprehensive level.

As I understand it, it is closer to the common greeting in India of Namaste or Namaskar. "In India, the common greeting Namaskar or Namaste is no simple Hello. When one says Namaskar to someone, what it means is that he/she acknowledges the spark of the divine that is present inside them. Hinduism believes that God is an all-pervading force that envelopes all beings and things." (from Vimho's World)

While I was mostly impressed how incredibly visually stunning the movie Avatar was, I also liked a lot of the features Cameron built in to the Na'vi, this being one of them.

This has given me room to consider the extent to which any of us can truly know another person and to ponder how much I want to be known. At times I hunger for authentic connection with others. Yet at the same time I have long standing pattern of remaining somewhat guarded, not feeling comfortable with too much exposure of my private self.

I can talk about what I THINK until the cows come home. Matters of intellect and philosphy are pretty safe ground. Being open about how I FEEL is another matter entirely. I can be pretty darned selective in who I choose to be open with about my emotions.

To what extent do you truly see others? To what extent do you allow yourself to be seen?

Seasons of Life

As I sit looking out the window looking at the snow coming down I am mindful that there is beauty in every season of life. While I may long for warmer days and miss my lush green yard with all its flowers, it is only because the ground freezes and we get a cold season that many of my dormant bulbs will be able to bloom well come spring.

I'm trying to learn to go with the flow more in my life, learn to accept the ups and downs, shifts and transitions that come my way with a bit more equanimity.

I recently shared the story of The Precious Present by Spencer Johnson with a friend of mine. It's a tale worth remembering as I work at letting go of worry over what has been or what might be.

Change is inevitable. I'm hoping I can be more open to welcoming whatever life lessons come my way, even those that are not packaged in the color or style I would have chosen.

What I am learning is there is a distinct difference between pain and suffering.
Pain is inevitable. Suffering, however, is optional. I've come to believe that regardless of how much pain the world may dish out at me, whether or not I will suffer with it will be based on how I define and relate to painful experiences.

Lately I've been re-reading Victor Frankl's "Man's Search for Meaning" I remember the basic story pretty well from when I read it many years ago. But because my life is in a very different place now I find I'm discovering all sorts of different layers to it this time around.

Sometimes life hurts. Learning to choose joy even in the midst of that hurting is a challenge worth mastering.