QUESTIONS

A couple years ago I wrote a posting about the Empty Nesters Family Home Evening that my husband and I participate in. I mentioned the Questions that I use for helping people write their personal histories.

I just got an email from someone who read that post and was requesting the full set of questions to use for a lesson in her ward. I happily emailed them as an attachment. But I figured what the heck, I might as well post the whole set here in case any one else may want them.

As I told the person making the request, there are several ways to use these questions:

1. I gave the whole set to my father in law. He would write out the answers to 1 or 2 every Sunday afternoon after church as a Sabbath activity. I then typed them all up and now have 32 pages of amazing stories of his life.

2. You can COPY each page on a different brightly colored paper. Then cut the questions into strips with one question on each strip. (You can curl them if you want to get fancy, or just fold them into squares) Put the bright colored strips in a clear jar. Use them at gatherings of family or friends by passing around the jar and having each person pull one out to answer verbally.

3. To write your own personal history, set up a 3 ring loose leaf notebook with 1 page for each of the different questions. When writing your own life story sometimes telling one story gets you thinking about another, but if you keep tangenting in your narrative the history gets confusing. By having them on separate pages you can flip back and forth to write as much or as little about each question. You can always go back to elaborate or edit if you choose. Then you can later shuffle them into whatever order you want (by topic, by time period, etc)

So with that being said - here are the questions. Enjoy! (I still have not written these all out for ME...I guess I better get busy, eh?)



SET 1:

CHILDHOOD

Describe the house you grew up in.
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Describe your yard as a child.
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What toys did you play with as a child?
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What games did you play as a child?
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Were you responsible for household chores? What were they? What did
you like most or least?
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How much was your first allowance? Was it conditional, when did it
start?
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Tell about any pets you had as a child.
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Tell about your neighbors as a child.
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Tell about school ( special teachers, friends, achievements,
activities, or humorous situations).
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Describe a sound from your childhood.
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As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?
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What do you remember about stores when you were a child? Can you
recall shopping with mother?
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Describe the downtown of your childhood.
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Did you take any special lessons a child?
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Do you recall any special summer trips or vacations when you were
growing up?
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What were you afraid of as a child?
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What did you do as a child that got you in the most trouble with your
parents? What did they do?
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Did you ever steal as a child? If so, were you caught? What
happened?
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What is a special smell you remember from your childhood?
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What do you remember about Easter as a child?
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Tell about a fourth of July from your childhood.
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Tell about Halloween as a child.
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Tell about Thanksgivings when you were growing up.
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What do you remember about Christmas as a child?
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Describe getting a Christmas tree as a child.
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YOUTH

What do you remember about yourself as a teenager. What was important
to you?
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Describe a typical school day during your junior high years.
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Describe your favorite dress or a special outfit you wore as a youth.
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Tell about any exciting experiences in scouting or any clubs you were
a member of as a youth.
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Tell about how, when and where you learned to drive.
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Tell about your first crush. What was he or she like?
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Describe the fashions that were popular when you were a youth. What
is popular now?
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If you went to college, describe the experience. If not, tell what
you were doing in your 20's.
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COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE

Tell about your courtship
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How did you become engaged?
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Tell about your wedding. Where was it? Who was there? Was there a
reception?
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Describe your wedding dress (or wife’s wedding dress).
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What were your fears, expectations, anticipations, etc. about getting
married?
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What convinced you most in your choice of a spouse?
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How did you meet your in-laws? Describe your relationship with them.
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Describe your first home or apartment on your own or when newly married.
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Write a want ad that describes your husband or wife.
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FAMILY

Tell about your Mother. (Describe physically, her personality,
talents, role in your home)
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Describe your father. What was he like physically? What work did he
do? Personality?
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Tell about your parent’s philosophy of raising children, discipline,
rules, etc.
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In what ways are you like your parents and in what ways are you
different?
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Tell about your brothers and sisters.
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Describe your grandparents.
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Describe a night at Grandma’s house.
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Tell about a favorite relative.
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Tell about any ancestors you have heard special stories of.
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Tell about property your family owned.
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Tell about anything you may have inherited from a family member.
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Tell about the birth(s) of your child(ren).
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Tell about each of your children’s names and how they were chosen.
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Describe your relationship(s) with your child(ren).
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Tell about a humorous or clever thing one of your children said.
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Tell about a family crisis and how it was resolved.
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Tell about family feuds and how they were or were not resolved.
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Tell about your feelings toward your grandchildren.
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RELIGION

Tell about religious practices in your home when you were growing up.
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How do you feel about religion now?
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Describe your beliefs about God.
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What is one of your favorite scriptures, and why?
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Tell about influential spiritual/religious leaders you may have met or how a
particular church teacher influenced you.
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If you could meet any spiritual leader (living or dead) who would it be
and why?
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Describe your conversion to the gospel.
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Tell about an experience when you shared the gospel with another
person.
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Tell about an experience when you stood up for what you believed was
right.
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Describe your Sabbath days
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Tell about the first time you went to the temple.
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Tell about a faith promoting experience from your life.
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Record your testimony.
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LIFE EXPERIENCES

Describe your first paying job. What was your salary?
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Tell about the places you have worked.
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Tell your feelings about the work you have done. If you were to start
all over, what work would you choose?
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Describe any sports you have played.
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Were you ever in a theatrical production? Tell about it.
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Do you speak a foreign language? If so, how did you learn? If not
would you like to? Why?
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Have you ever won a contest or a special prize?
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Were you ever in the military? If so, when and where did you serve?
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Describe the influence of wars on your life.
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Where were you on an important day in history?
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Tell about a special trip taken as an adult.
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Tell about some of the changes you’ve seen during your life (technology,
fashion, politics, etc.)
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Tell about tools you have used.
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Describe an invention which impressed you during your life.
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Have you ever tried anything really dangerous? How did it feel?
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Tell about a dramatic experience involving weather.
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Have you ever had a serious injury? Describe how it happened and tell
of your recovery.
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Tell about some special challenge which you were able to overcome.
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Tell about a camping trip you went on.
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Tell about any hobbies or collections you have or have had.
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Tell about a trip to the dentist.
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Tell about the medical care you had while growing up - How does this
compare to today?
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Tell about your first car. What type of car do you have now? What
kind of car would you like?
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Describe a parade you were in or one you saw.
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Tell about animals you raised.
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Tell about a garden you have had.
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Describe the typical groceries you buy today and tell what they cost.
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Describe how travel has changed during your life.
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How do you celebrate Christmas now? Do you have any special
traditions that are meaningful? If so, why?
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Describe how you celebrate other holidays now.
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What was your most embarrassing moment?
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Tell about a favorite fishing experience .
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Tell about a city you have visited.
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Tell about the coldest winter you can remember.
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Tell about any natural disaster you may have experienced,
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Tell about a significant loss you experienced.
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Tell about a funeral you attended.
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Describe a turning point in your life.
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Tell about a special gift which you received.
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Describe a dream you have had.
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Tell about a gift which you gave someone else that you have special
feelings about.
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Tell about the strangest food you ever ate.
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Describe the house where you live now.
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Describe your yard where you live now
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Describe your life today.
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Describe yourself physically.
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Do you have a special talent or skill?
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PERSONAL PHILOSOPHY

How do you feel about politics?
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What kind of music do you like now? Do you recall any special type
of music from childhood?
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What do you think about television? Do you have any favorite shows?
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How do you feel about winning? How do you feel about losing?
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What do you think brings good or bad luck?
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What personality trait do you admire most, and why?
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Tell about your philosophy for handling money.
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What is your greatest joy? Your greatest sorrow?
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What was the best advice you ever got? Did you follow it?
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What is the biggest lesson in life you have found to be true?
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How do you feel about reading? What did you read as a child? What do you read
now?
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What would you like to be doing five years from now? Ten years from
now?
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Describe your attitudes towards death.
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If you could meet any movie star you wanted, who would it be and why?
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If you could meet any political leader you wanted, who would it be and
why?
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What goals do you have at this point in your life?
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What are your most precious and deeply imbedded values?
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Tell about your views on growing older.
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How has the women’s movement affected your life?
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How has the civil rights movement affected your life?
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Tell the influence that music, theater, dance, art or literature has
had on your life.
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What are you afraid of?
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Tell about how you deal with anger.
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What are your food preferences? What do you like and dislike?
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Describe your favorite dessert.
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What flowers do you like?
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What one possession you own is dearest to you?
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If you were stuck on an island with just 5 books, what would you want
them to be? Why?
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Describe your favorite season.
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Describe a favorite summer day
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Describe a favorite autumn day.
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Describe someplace in nature that is special to you.
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If you could travel any place that you wanted to, where would it be
and why?
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If you had a time machine that would allow you to go to any time you
chose, when would it be? Why?
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Do you consider yourself more of an introvert or an extrovert?
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What is your idea of a dream vacation?
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Are you more of a leader or a follower?
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Are you generally on time for things or often late? How do you feel
about this?
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Would you like to be famous? Why or why not? If yes, in what way?
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What would you like to be remembered for?
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SET 2:

What was your favorite pastime as a child? Did you prefer doing it alone or with someone else?

Who gave you your name and why? Did you have a nickname? How did you get it?

Describe your childhood bedroom. What was the view from your window?

Were you baptized, christened or blessed as an infant? If so, where and by whom?

When did you first go to church? What are your earliest memories of church?

Where did your father work and what did he do?

How did your mother spend her day? Did she have a job or do volunteer work outside the home?

Describe what the family living room looked like when you were a child.

What kind of prayer did you say before you went to sleep? Who taught you to pray?

Where was your childhood home located? Did you enjoy living there?

Describe your grandparents’ houses. Did you visit them often? Why or why not?

List one special memory about each of your brothers and sisters.

Recall for me some of the most important lessons you have learned in life.

Share a memory of your grandparents or an older person you loved.

Who was the first person to talk to you about God? What effect did this have on you?

How far did you have to travel to attend elementary, junior high and high school and how did you get there?

What scent or sound immediately takes you back to childhood? Describe the feeling it evokes.

What was your favorite meal as a child? What made it your favorite?

Did you have pets? Was there a favorite?

What chores did you have to do when you were growing up? Did you get an allowance?

Tell about your first job.

Share a story about a severe winter storm.

Share your favorite dessert recipe.

Did the pastor or missionaries visit your home? What impression did that have on you?

Did you ever feel that God had a special calling for your life?

Who was your favorite teacher? Why?

Describe one of your favorite dress-up outfits as a child. On what occasions would you wear it?

Did you ever have a special hide away for playhouse? What made it special?

What extracurricular activities were you involved in during high school? Why did you choose those?

What was the hardest thing you ever had to do?

What crazy fads to you remember in grade school?

When did you have your first date? Who was it with? What did you do?

What do you remember about your first kiss?

What did you do to celebrate birthdays when you were growing up?

Record here some gardening or decorating tips that you have found helpful.

What were some of the most memorable books you read as a child? What made them memorable?

What were your family finances like as a child? How did that effect you?

What mischief did you get into as a child?

New Virtual Book Tour on the Way

Trisiti Pinkston is at it again.

A successful writer herself, Tristi also works as Senior Editor of Valor Publishing. In that role she has been a real champion of finding fresh and innovative ways to get the word out about new books coming to market. One that she has successfully done is the "Virtual Book Tour" in which several bloggers are invited to read a pre-release copy of a new book and then write a candid review of that book on their blogs.

I have been fortunate enough to be included in this gathering of readers in the past. On March 24 I will be reviewing The Cleansing of America by Dr. W. Cleon Skousen.(Click HERE for a biography of Skousen)

While I have heard a lot about Skousen's past works, I have not yet read any of his books. I have a PDF file of this soon to be published work on a flash drive I will take with me as I am traveling to Arizona this week. I have about a three hour lay over in Salt Lake at an airport that does NOT offer free wi-fi. (What's the deal SLC?) So instead of bemoaning the fact that I can't get online while I'm there I'll use that time to do some reading.

I look forward to seeing what the book has to offer and I very much appreciate Tristi's continued confidence in me as a reviewer. I'm excited to have the opportunity to give this book careful thought and share my reactions to it here.

A giant's passing

I'm on my way back to Arizona to attend the Memorial Service of my beloved uncle, Tom Pendley.

Many thanks to my cousin (Tom's daughter), Kathy Shaw, for sharing this obituary of her dad:

Arizona native, Thomas Tilman Pendley II, 87, of Phoenix died February 23, 2010.

Mr. Pendley was born February 22, 1923 in Clemenceau, (now Cottonwood), AZ to Frank and Jane Pendley. Tom grew up on the family homestead at Slide Rock, north of Sedona, where they raised apples, peaches, and pears which they sold at their roadside store. Tom attended grade school in Oak Creek Canyon, high school in Flagstaff, and university at ASU. He married Dorothy Diers in 1955 and returned to manage the family farm in Oak Creek from 1963 to 1985. Tom recognized the vulnerability of the orchard crops and added sweet corn to the produce raised at Slide Rock. He developed a loyal following of customers looking for that “picked this morning” freshness that had disappeared from the local markets. Tom’s passion for quality fruits and vegetables was the motivation for his collaborative effort in the foundation of the Coconino County Fair. He fought for the rights of the family farmer at a time when government and developers were exploiting nature’s wonders. Tom worked tirelessly to make the family farm a success and to preserve the natural beauty for generations to come. Through his efforts and those of Govenor Bruce Babbitt, Slide Rock became a State Park in 1985 and has since become one of the most popular State Parks in Arizona.

Tom and Dorothy enjoyed retirement by travelling to destinations in Alaska, Europe, and Mexico. Between trips he continued farming by raising tomatoes in his backyard garden; always with the emphasis on flavor over appearance. Tom brought the flavor of life to a family that will miss him dearly.

Tom was preceded in death by his parents, Frank L. and Jane H. Pendley, his brothers Don and Frank Pendley, sisters Jill Jonovich, Eva Young, Patricia Rueger, Marge Theriault and Joy Odell.

He leaves his wife, Dorothy of Phoenix, daughters Kathy Shaw (Ed) of Flagstaff and Karen Harkey (John) of Flagstaff, son Tom Pendley III (Kathy) of Phoenix, and three grandchildren Maya Shaw, Brooke Warren and Orion Pendley and sister Nina Lovett of Cottonwood,

A Memorial service will be held at Life in Christ Lutheran Church, Peoria, AZ, on Sunday February 28, at 3:00 p.m. (623) 773-1234.

In lieu of flowers, donations in his memory may be made to Friends of Slide Rock State Park, P.O. Box 3432, Flagstaff, AZ 86003.

Thanks to my older brother, Wayne, for sharing THIS LINK to Tom's Oral History with pictures of the apple ranch in Oak Creek that is now Slide Rock State Park.

Work / Home Balance

I've been giving some thought to the whole issue of Work / Home balance. It seems the primary reason I did not get my job in Alaska was because I was not willing to be a corporate drone. Everything looked great, and I had indeed been told that I was the person hand picked for the job. But then I started asking questions about what sort of schedule would be expected. I spoke to the person who performed the same job in Pasco, WA. Apparently that guy routinely put in 70 hrs per week. I attributed this to him being a crazy work-a-holic. Then I met the person with the same job in Anchorage. He worked even longer hours. When do these guys sleep?

As I kept inquiring and exploring the same theme kept coming up. Throughout the company the expectation seemed to be for people to put in LONG days, often taking work home over the weekends and having precious few holidays and very little vacation. They lived to work. After talking to numorous people it became clear this was endemic with that company NOT because the individuals involved had no sense of balance in their lives, but rather because it was a corporate expectation. This is the dark side of far too many companies...expecting people to give up their lives for a paycheck and that is something I simply will not do.

So I balked.

I talked to the head CEO and told him point blank "I am a very good employee because I am passionate about what I do and I give 100%. However, one of the reasons I can be such a good employee is that my life WORKS. I have a great marriage. I am a member of a faith community. I have hobbies and interests. I enjoy a rich and rewarding personal life. So while I work very hard at my job, I need to be able to consistently go home and have time to fully rejuvenate in that personal life so then I have the energy to go back to work and give 100% all over again. I will work hard and as a professional I certainly understand that there will be occassional projects that require extra long hours or even the occassional weekend. But I would expect that as matter of routine I would not typically work more than 45-50 hrs in a week. I think anything more than that would mean that either the job was ill defined, efficient systems were not in place or the expectations were unreasonable. Any job that expects more than that on an ongoing basis would not be the right match for me."

Based on that, it seems, they decided that I was no longer the right match.

In all honesty I am VERY relieved we found out this basic mis-match BEFORE I took a job and moved rather than after.

As disappointed as I was to not get my dream of moving off to moose land, I am very clear that was NOT a good match for my values and needs.

So my job search continues. I have two interviews this week and another one the first week of March. I am gathering no moss.

Through it all I have had lots of opportunities to think about what kinds of jobs would be a fit for me and what would not. So many people I know are locked into jobs they hate, or at best jobs they merely endure. I really don't want to end up in that boat. I understand that EVERY job has things that will be annoying, tedious or uncomfortable. (That's why we consider it work instead of play, right?) Still, I believe it is possible to build a work life that is rewarding on personal levels and well as economic ones.

When looking for a place to live I've carefully considered what characteristics I want from a community - things like climate, size, and types of resources available. I think it makes sense to do the same sort of analysis for what sort of work life would be the best fit and reaching specifically in that direction rather than merely grabbing on to whatever might become available.

There is a lot I'm still not clear on. But these are the things I know for sure.

1.) I would rather work inside than outside. While I do like the chance to get a change of scenery now and again, I'm not likely to enjoy working outdoors in all sorts of weather.

2) I would rather work with ideas than machines. I worked in a factory once, long time ago. I could never do that sort of employment again. It was truly miserable.

3) I need to be able to support the overall mission of the company or organization that I work for. This means that even the very best job in a company that makes bombs or produces pornography would not be a fit. I have to know that the overall goal of my employer is to meet a legitimate need or improve quality of life somehow.

4) I need contact with other people. I'm good at statistical analysis and I have skills in data management. But if I'm stuck in a room by myself crunching numbers all day I'm going to go Postal. Whatever job I get needs to allow me some amount of contact with other people on a regular basis to keep me energized.

5) I can be a Chief or an Indian, but do not mircomanage me~!
I had a job in a medical research facility once where my supervisor wanted to approve every document before I was allowed to FAX it to the vendor we worked with. Every move I made had to be discussed and signed off on by higher ups. It was excruciating. I have a brain. Let me use it to do my job.

6) The flip side of not liking micromanagment is I don't really want to be totally left on my own. I am capable of making decisions and I work well independently. Still, I like to have someone else I can bounce ideas off of and it helps if I feel like there is a leader who is aware of what I'm doing. I tend to get highly motivated when working out of loyalty to a specific person, far more so than for individual success of any given project. While I don't need much hand-holding sort of supervision, I do like having some support and/or sense of being part of a team.

Ok - those are some basic generic things I know about what I want from a job. Now all I have to do is find a position in one of the geographic regions my husband and I have identified as desirable that meets (or at least comes close to meeting) most, if not all, of those criteria.

Don't know what I'm going to be when I grow up, but the journey of exploration to find it has certainly been interesting.

Life can turn on a dime...

Earlier today I found out that I did NOT get the job I had been expecting in Alaska.
Oddly enough, despite how much I had been looking forward to heading north to Moose Land, I have felt a complete calm and peace about this.

I posted the news on my Facebook page earlier. As a result, I have had several people writing me messages giving me condolences for having missed out on the job I was so sure I had.

But you know, I just don't feel badly about it. YES, I wanted to move to Alaska and am a little baffled because the President of the college essentially had told me I had it. But apparently she got trumped by the corporate CEO. For whatever reason, things have shifted.

But here is the interesting part. The same day I found out I did not get the job, I also got a call from my son in Michigan telling me my 13 yr old grandson was needing emergency surgery on his heart. (He has had heart problems for some time so it is not totally unexpected, however complications arose just in the last week requiring the doctors to act FAST.) He came through the surgery just fine and by all accounts he will be ok. Still, I'm feeling a STRONG prompting that we need to be more available to our family.

Then tonight I opened up my scriptures at random as I often do. The first passage I turned to in the Doctrine and Covenants was this:

"And now, verily I say unto you, that it is not expedient that you should go until your children are provided for, and sent up kindly unto the bishop of Zion. And after a few years, if thou desirest of me, thou mayest go up also unto the goodly land, to possess thine inheritance." (D & C 99:6-7)

Uh, yeah. It seems really, REALLY clear to me that Heavenly Father is not saying NO, he is saying "Not Yet". I trust His timetable.

I do not know if this means we will head back to Michigan to be close to the grand kids or if it means we will stay here or if it means back to Boise or what. But clearly, it seems Alaska is on hold.

Living in Limbo like this is sorta discombobulating. I really want to know where we will land. But I am learning more every single day to "Trust in the Lord with they heart and lean not unto thine own understanding." (Proverbs 3:5)

Pins & Needles..

I've been up most the night not able to sleep. My nerves are all a jangle with anticipation about whether or not I'll get the job....

However, as skittish as I may be at present, I've been learning a whole lot from this whole process. As much as I want this move north, I honestly believe I'm ready to fully accept the outcome no matter what it is. If I do not get hired I will of course be disappointed. I have so many reasons why a move to Alaska just now would be a lovely fit. But ya know what? I am finding myself very aware these days of how richly blessed I am.

I am healthy.
I have a great marriage.
I have a strong spiritual life.
I have some great friends.
I have a great dog.
I live in a place with lots of freedom.
I have a supportive family.

The list goes on and on.

So if I DON'T get to move of to the Land of Bears & Moose, it really will be ok.
But if I DO....oh holy cow, what an adventure that would be.

Trust in the Lord...Part 2

Over on one of my other blogs I had written some thoughts about Probverbs 3:5 which says: "Trust in the Lord with all of thy heart and lean not unto thy own understanding."

Like it or not, it seems the Lord is going to just KEEP giving me lessons in this area until I buckle down and LEARN.

As my friends and family all know, this past week I flew to Alaska to interview for the job that I'm hoping for, Dean of Instruction at a private proprietary college. There are many pros and many cons about this particular job. But after six months of unemployment I am ready to get back to work. Also, as much as I would miss people I love here and leaving behind all my cozy sense of familiarity, I really do believe I would be happy living in Alaska. I can't explain it. Every time I go to the Mat-Su valley I just feel like I am COMING HOME.

So I have done all that I can do to snag this job. Now all I can do is wait and see how it plays out.

I hate the vulnerable out of control feeling of having my destiny in the hands of others. Even though I believe I am a good match for this job, and my meetings up there all seemed to go well, I am very aware that the corporate powers that be may decide they just don't want to pay to move me up there.

I can't rush it. All I can do now is wait.

Will I get it? Don't know. But EITHER WAY, I know that the Lord knows my needs. Things will work out. I need to trust. I've prepared well. I've put forth all I could put forth. Now I wait.

Sigh.

Ambivalence & Grief

Next week I head up to Alaska for my final interview in Wasilla. Then it will be decision time - they will either offer it to me or they will not. I will either decide to take it or decide to pass. I honestly am not sure how I feel about that.

This evening I've been sorting through boxes in my closet to figure out what things I would move with me and what things I'd be willing to part with. I have boxes and boxes of STUFF - cards from old friends, concert ticket stubs, restaurant menus from past dates with my husband, pressed flowers from old gardens, brochures from museums, quotes that impressed me, and all the rest...the detritus of fifty plus years of living that I've clung to despite having moved time and time again.

Do I still keep holding on to all those tokens of times past or might it be time to let much of it go? Not sure. (part of that, I suspect, will be determined on whether the new company agrees to pay for the move.)

In one box I found several different cards wishing me well on the occasions of having left my various jobs. So many goodbyes have accumulated along the way of my vagabond life.

I understand the concept of looking on life as a glass half full, choosing to focus on the blessing of having known so many great people scattered across the country as I've criss crossed this land over the years. Most days I do feel quite privileged by the opportunities I have had to cross paths with so many dear folks from all walks of life. But tonight I am feeling the sharp sting of the loss of each of those sweet friendships and the bite of having had to say too many goodbyes.

While I DO look forward to the chance to take on this big adventure (I think), I feel pensive and sad over the prospect of once more being in a town where I have zero history or sense of belonging. I am more than a little intimidated about again having to start all over from scratch in establishing a social network of people to sweeten my life.

Because this particular job will put me back into a "boss" role at work I know I won't feel free to have the rich friendships at my workplace that I've had at some of my other jobs. I can get along great with others and build a strong sense of team. But being the boss means there will have to be boundaries that sometimes leave me feeling a bit isolated.

I expect I will meet people at my church and hopefully make some friends there. But even that can be difficult at times. I'm too liberal and unconventional for a lot of the church people I meet.. and yet too faith based and accepting of certain religious ideas and rules to fit in with the liberal, unconventional folks I know. So all too often I am stuck in the middle of no man's land, wondering if this is similar to what some bi-racial people experience, never completely fitting in either world.

I keep thinking of the people here who I have come to love so very much over the past eight years, and those who have proven their grit through layers of mutual support and shared challenges. I think of those who have fully accepted me despite our major differences in values and those who have shared of themselves over the years in truly significant ways. I am mindful of all I will be giving up to embrace this new adventure. I honestly believe that if we get the opportunity to go we should grab it. I am convinced that in many ways it will be an amazing experience that I will revel in with passion and fervor. But at the very same time, I know that saying goodbye to this place, these friends, the sense of connection and belonging that I have painstakingly woven here is going to break my heart.

There is no one sided penny. There is indeed opposition in all things. In coming days I will work hard to choose to focus on the good parts of this opportunity, should it open up to enfold me. But tonight I'm feeling the fear and the grief. Tonight I'm afraid that if they said "sorry, we pick someone else" I would simply give a huge sigh of relief.

We'll see what next week brings.

Most things in life get easier with practice. Repeating a thing over and over again usually brings increased levels of mastery. But not coping with grief. The aching stab of loss just gets compounded with practice. Every new loss seems to piggyback on the preceding separations, widening the cavern of emptiness all the more.

Whether we leave in the next couple months to head off to Alaska or wait till the fall and try again for Idaho I WILL eventually be leaving the life I have carved out for myself here in Eastern Oregon. Knowing that separation is absolutely coming with naked inevitability - whether sooner or later - has my heart wincing in anticipatory grief. All the positive parts of what come next simply cannot blot out the cost of the loss.

Who Turned Out The Lights??

I've been exploring around the blogosphere, reading several different blogs by writers in Alaska to get a feel for what the locals have to say about living there. One phrase that sticks in my mind is this one from What's Cool in Alaska:

"In Alaska, the tell-tale sign that winter has arrived is not the snow; it's the dark. And darkness has arrived in Eagle River, Alaska! As I type this at 7:02 am, it is pitch black outside. It's more than just dark, too. It's thick, pea-soup-fog dark that you can almost taste with every breath. It's can't-see-the-horror-movie-villain dark, until his hockey mask or machete is just inches from of your face."

Then there was another one talking about it being -52 degrees.

OH MY.

I've got to admit, both of these factors give me second thoughts and third thoughts and fourth thoughts about whether living in Alaska is something I'm ready for. The beauty there is absolutely stunning. I THINK we could adjust and would enjoy the lives we would build for ourselves there.

But could I really handle the cold and the dark so much of the year?

Giving it some serious thought, that's for sure...

But this is what I DO know for certain - Where EVER we land there will be things about it that I like and things about it that I do not. Already I've lived in six different states. I LOVED aspects of every one of those places and found other things I was not comfortable with.

I choose to believe that I CAN make it a positive experience in Alaska - even in the face of higher cost of living and major climate challenges.

Now I just need to land that job I'm going to interview for.

Pondering the Practice of Eating Meat

I am an unrepentant carnivore. I eat the flesh of beasts. All sorts of animals that have walked, crawled, swam or flown have become tasty meals for me. Here is a list of just some of the animals I have eaten at one time or another:

MAMMALS: cows, pigs, sheep, goats, deer, elk, moose, buffalo, rabbit, squirrel, chinchilla, ox

BIRDS: chicken, duck, goose, pheasant, quail, chucker, Cornish game hen, dove, ostrich

FISH: trout, catfish, crappie, perch, salmon, halibut, moon fish, cod, bass, bluegill, snapper, grunt, speckled sea trout, steel head, walleye, paddock, swordfish, mia-mia,tuna,sardines, anchovies

SHELL FISH / AMPHIBIAN/ REPTILE / OTHER lobster, crab, snails, mussels, clams, crayfish, squid, octopus, frog, snake (Cobra), turtle, oysters, shrimp, scallops

Don't get me wrong, I like a good salad and have never been one to eschew my vegetables. (So I guess it would be more accurate to same I was an OMNIVORE, right?)

But the point I am making is that I am thinking some about the economics, health implications and ethics of living on the flesh of other animals.

The food chain I have prescribed to over the years has been built on values assimilated from many sources. Most of it is totally arbitrary. For instance, why do I find it very acceptable to eat a cow but would not eat a horse (unless I was very, very hungry)? Other food taboos I have include primates, slugs, and fellow humans. (Remember the 1973 movie Soylent Green?)

Some cultures define cows to be very sacred.

I, on the other hand, consider cows to be rather tasty.




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I had a conversation with my brother recently about the plans to butcher a bovine that I am acquainted with named Norman. I'm not sure how I feel about that one...I definitely find it more difficult to eat animals that I have had a relationship with. Which makes me wonder about eating the ones I have not had the pleasure to meet. HMMM is there and equation here having to do with Meet and Meat?



I have a good friend who is very deeply committed to the principle of being a vegetarian based on the idea that she will never eat anything that had a mother or a face. To her, food practices are very much an expression of her compassion for other living creatures. But I challenge her on that sometimes. Afterall, whose to say that carrots don't have souls?
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Other people I know choose not to eat meat (or to extremely limit it) for health reasons. Dr. Dean Ornish has long proclaimed the virtues of a meat free diet for heart health.

You would think that with all the heart disease that runs rampant in my family I might be more concerned about this.

But honestly, I'm not.

While I have no active death wish, I also have no great desire to live to be 90. I figure I'll live until I die, and it's not going to be subsisting on bran muffins.

I recognize there are some advantages to having primarily a plant based diet. My own faith (LDS) subscribes to a teaching we call the "Word of Wisdom" (D & C 89) that advocates this.

I also recognize that it is a drain on the planet to raise enough resources to feed animals for butchering. "According to a recent report by Compassion in World Farming, "[c]rops that could be used to feed the hungry are instead being used to fatten animals raised for food." It takes up to 16 pounds of grain to produce just 1 pound of edible animal flesh." (see GoVeg.com)

So, knowing that eating meat (particularly beef) is not heart healthy and recognizing that the resources required to raise beef for meat harvest places disproportionate stress on my planet over growing plants for food...WHY do I continue to choose to eat meat?

Dunno. But I do. For now. I'm trying to be more mindful about it. Still, I am no where even remotely close to adopting a vegetarian lifestyle.

I AM working on incorporating more whole grains and leafy greens into my overall diet. But I'm still planning most my meals around a hunk of dead flesh and savoring every bite of it.

Bon appetit.

Choices and Opportunity Cost

I've been thinking a lot about making choices and the impact that has on my life.
We are all familiar with that saying about how when one door closes God opens a window. I do believe there are multiple tracks I could take that would all be good. But I keep getting stuck on the whole issue of knowing that every choice I make closes off the possibility of the five or ten or one hundred OTHER things I might have chosen but did not.

Invariably, I wiffle waffle. Should I order the chili reeno that I KNOW I will like or should I be more adventurous and get something with mole sauce that I may or may not like just to try a new taste?

When I am planning my future do I want to do the safe and secure thing or take a big risk?

What critia should I rely on for making my decisions?

How much do I listen to the advise and opinions of people I know and how much will I be willing to go brazing ahead in a direction that some who I respect have cautioned me against?

No matter what I do, it seems like I always will wonder about the road not taken. Which reminds me of the poem by Robert Frost:

The Road Not Taken
Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth

Then took the other as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet, knowing how way leads onto way
I doubted if I should ever come back

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence
Two roads diverged in a wood
And I took the one less traveled by
And that has made all the difference

photo credit: PerfectImpressions by mar

Pros & Cons of ALASKA

I passed my 3rd phone interview for the job I am vying for in Wasilla, Alaska. I am now scheduled to head up to the great white north for a face to face interview at the end of this month. They are running my background check, credit report and talking to my references this week.

While I certainly do not presume I've got it in the bag, I think the possibility that I will be hired for this job is fairly good. So, my husband and I have been having lots of discussion about the pros and cons of moving to Alaska.

On the PROS side -

It's drop dead gorgeous. The mountains up there are absolutely breathtaking. Want proof? Just check out some of the pictures posted HERE

The fishing opportunities there are pretty amazing, and anyone who knows my man knows that counts for a lot.

Wasilla is a relatively rural community (somewhere between 7,000 and 10,000 people) yet just an hour's drive from Anchorage which has all the resources of a metro area.

Anchorage has airport, museums, symphony, and all sorts of fun things to do.

Wasilla, where we would be living, has plenty of resources for us in terms of shopping, medical care, library, etc etc. yet is quieter, less traffic, more open spaces - all things we prefer. After nearly 30 years of living in podunk towns to be near my sweet husband's agricultural work I just don't want to deal with the hustle and bustle and anonymity of city life anymore.

On the CONS side - these are our concerns:

The cost of living in Alaska is considerably higher than the lower 48. It's expensive to ship everything up there and those costs get shifted into price tag. Also property tax is quite high along with cost of registering a car, etc. etc. It's just plain EXPENSIVE to live there.

The climate is going to take some getting used to. It gets freeze your boogers cold up there. Also it is DARK much of the winter and LIGHT way past my bedtime in the summer. I am not excited about having to driving in snow and ice, I think the wind will drive me batty at times and I suspect I'll have my share of seasonal cabin fever funk.

More of a stickler for me is the fact that we will be so far away from everyone we love. One the one hand, this is not entirely new. We have ZERO family in the state where we currently live (Oregon) and are accustomed to having to buy plane tickets for annual treks to see the grandkids. Still, we CAN (and DO) currently jump in our car to drive to see family in Idaho and Utah. That is something we will very much miss.

However, the one big pro that sort of trumps all those things is the job. Obviously we will not move to Alaska at all UNLESS I get hired for a job that I think will be a reasonable fit for me. If I were CHOOSING between equivalent jobs in both Alaska and Idaho I would almost certainly move to Idaho - but the reality is that just isn't the case.

I've always believed that people basically have two alternatives in this world. They can choose WHERE they want to be and then make a living whatever way they can there, or else they can pick what sort of work they want to do and then follow that star where ever it takes them. We have done the latter for our entire married lives.

Following my husband's career has taken us from Arizona to Ohio, Florida, Michigan, Washington and now Oregon. As his career winds down and he prepares for retirement it is now my turn to become primary wage earner so we will go where I can get meaningful, rewarding work. I had hoped that might be Boise. That didn't happen. So now I am ready to consider this other possibility.

However, I'm not "settling" for Alaska due to lack of other options. I really do believe if I chose to hang out till fall, a job WOULD open up in Idaho. Instead, the job search is what led me to CONSIDER other options and once I stumbled on the Mat-Su valley of Alaska I became more and more intrigued.

I'm genuinely looking forward to this Alaska adventure, if it happens.

Still, I'm trying to go into this with my eyes wide open, considering all the advantages and disadvantages as much as I can so I can make a reasonably informed decision if the job offer is made. Yet when it comes right down to it - no matter what reservations my HEAD may hold onto, my heart says I'm headed to moose country. It will indeed be an adventure to see whether or not that is what plays out.

Photo credit - Moose Crossing sign found at http://www.city-data.com/city/Wasilla-Alaska.html

Books Read / Listened to in 2010

I started out with the best of intentions for tracking every book I read or listened to throughout the year. However, after just a few months I got side tracked and quit writing them down. Sigh. I know there were many others.

But here's my list of what I did keep track of. The audio books are the ones with asterisks (*) and the others I read the old fashioned way.

Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin
The Lacuna by Barbara Kingsolver *
The Run by Stuart Woods
Anyone But You by Jennifer Cruise *
Speaking in Tounges by Jeffery Deaver *
Blood of Angels by Reed Arvin *
Bordon Chantry by Louis L'Amour
Always Looking Up by Michael J. Fox
A Bold Fresh Piece of Humanity by Bill O'Reilly *
Impact by Douglas Presston
Burnt Toast and Other Philosphies of Life by Terri Hatcher *
Lethal Legacy by Linda Fairstein
Undaunted Courage by Stephen Ambrose *
The Bridges of Madison County by Robert James Waller

I've wracked my brain trying to recall those I didn't make a note of.

I mostly read whatever books my husband brought home from the library. Even though our tastes in books are generally somewhat different I enjoyed being able to talk with him about the various stories he had dread. There were several murder mysteries, espionage thrillers and the occasional western.

Whether it is fiction or non-fiction, serious or fun, basically I just love to read!

Wasilla, AK

The job hunt continues. I am now in the final running (out of over 150 candidates) for a position in Wasilla, AK. I've appled for over 100 jobs in six states over the past year, and interviewd about 9 times, so I've learned a thing or two about NOT counting my chickens before they hatch. But somehow this one feels more real than a lot of the others I looked at. Either way, it will be interesting to see how it will all unfold.

Photo Credit: Photo of mountains from Wasilla found at http://www.city-data.com/city/Wasilla-Alaska.html

SAVE VALLEY TRANSIT

There is a group of dedicated folks in Walla Walla who are working hard to save essential public transit services for the community. Having worked in Walla Walla for a number of years I am very familiar with the need for this vital resource.

Anyone who would like to know more can check it out at www.transitcampaign.org/

ANNIVERSARY

This Saturday my beloved and I will celebrate our 28th anniversary. WoHOO! In this day of disposable commitment I consider that quite an achievement, especially since we are not just hanging out together, we still really HONOR this union we've built. Because our anniversary comes within just a few days of my husband's birthday we've often used that week as the time for some great vacations to commemorate both. We've done some amazing things... everything from a trip to Haceta Head Lighthouse bed & breakfast on the Oregon Coast (for #19) to a 10 day trip of a lifetime to Egypt on #25.

This year dollars dictate that we keep things fairly simple. But I would still like to make it as special as we can.

We've had our ups and we've had our downs. But through thick and thin, I truly love this man I'm married to and am deeply grateful for the safe haven of our marriage.

Any suggestions for how to spend a romantic weekend on a tight budget??

FONT TEST

I’ve been tutoring a colleague in how to work with blogs.
He has had some questions regarding using different fonts
And how things show up that are cut/pasted into blogger.
So I am testing this to be sure I know what I’m talking about before I tell him how to do it.
One of his concerns was that when he made changes to his text in blogger he could find no back button like he is used to using in WORD. I explained that Blogger does not have a back button.
It would be nice if it did, but sadly, there is none.
I sometimes wish LIFE had a do-over button. Don’t you?

Immediate Forgiveness

I was cruising through a bunch of different blogs by backtracking comments and seeing who THEY happen to read and found this sweet gem over on Anniethology

Sometimes when things are stressful, spouses say things they don't do mean or speak without thinking. At moments like this, give each other a pass. Make up a little coupon that says, "This pass entitles you to immediate forgiveness for the dumb thing you said when we were in a stressful situation." Give your spouse a few and keep some for yourself. They may come in handy. Don't dwell on it, harp on it, or drag it on. Just forgive.


Oh yeah, this is an idea I can support.

BOOK REVIEW - Left to Tell

I recently read the book Left to Tell by Immaculee Ilibagiza with Steve Erwin. This was an incredibly powerful book. This is the first person account of a women who survived the horrific mass genocide that occurred in Rawanda in 1994. She did a lot more than survive that unimaginable atrocity. She emerged from the experience with a deep connection to God and found the power to forgive ... not just forgive those who said something nasty or slighted her in some way socially, but to truly forgive people who had brutally hacked her family to death with machetes. This woman does not sugar coat what happened. In harrowing detail she describes how her homeland unravelled into senseless violence that took the lives of hundreds of thousands of her people.
(From BBC News: "Between April and June 1994, an estimated 800,000 Rwandans were killed in the space of 100 days")

She goes on to describe how she hid from the killing spree that murdered most of her family, spending 91 days huddled in a small bathroom with seven other women, nearly starving, waiting for the maddness in the street to stop.

During that time the thing that allowed this woman to hold on to her sanity was to immerse herself in prayer and scripture study. She gave over her whole soul to knowing God as everything she new unravelled around her. She rode through waves of terror and rage, absolute shock and horror - and yet came out the other side having found a level of peace that almost defies understanding.

This book raised so many questions for me.

How is it possible that human beings are capable of such senseless violence toward people they knew and cared about?

How is it possible for anyone to fully forgive that level of insane cruelty?

Why is it that so much of the world turned their backs on this atrocity, allowing hundreds of thousands to die without interveneing and yet when WHITE faces are the ones being murdered in other parts of the world (Such as Bosnia)we are so much quicker to step in.

How much did US policy contribute to what happened in Rawanda? Who's version do I believe? (Michael Chossudovsky gives some very unsettling accounts in Part II of Chapter 7 entitled "Economic Genocide in Rwanda", of the Second Edition of The Globalisation of Poverty and the New World Order, Global Research, 2003. This text is in part based on the results of an earlier study conducted by the author together with Belgian economist and Senator Pierre Galand on the use of Rwanda's 1990-94 external debt to finance the military and paramilitary. )

This book makes me seriously ponder many global issues. But it also moves me to reflect on my own faith and willingness to forgive those who have harmed me - in matters from the trivial to the profound.

The writing is clear. The message is clearer. We may be utterly powerless to control what happens TO us, but it is entirely up to each one of us to determine what happens WITHIN us in response to whatever challenges life brings.

Powerful book that I will be thinking about for a very long time.

Power of FOCUS

Today I am thinking about the power of focus.

Lots of stuff happens every day - some good, some not so good, some bizarre, some mundane. I decide which of those things I will pay the most attention to. I am in control of my own mental focus.

I believe I have the power to be in charge of my own mood and attitude by deliberately choosing to focus on things I am grateful for, things I am excited about, things that make me smile INSTEAD of staying stuck in dwelling on all that is not perfect in my life. There is PLENTY that is not perfect in my world right now. If I chose to focus on those things I could work myself into a pretty potent pity party. (say that five times fast!) Instead, I am working hard to keep putting my attention on the many things I have that are fantastic. There are a lot of those things in my world as well. It's up to me to decide which ones will get the bulk of my attention.

Recently I had an opportunity to go on a week long cruise with my husband and some other family members to Mexico. We took a Holland America ship to Mazatlan, Porta Vallarta and Cabo San Lucas. It was supposed to be a fabulous vacation in the sun, seeing interesting places and having the time of our lives.

Except I got sick. By the second day on ship I was coughing like crazy and felt kinda puny. So I went to the medical center to get some cough medicine. They took my temperature, did a throat culture and diagnosed me with flu A. Which means I was put into quarantine to protect the other passengers from my germs. I DID have fun in Mazatlan. But I did NOT get to go see Porta Vallarta or Cabo. Not only did I not get to see those ports of call, I wasn't even allowed out of my room. Not fun.

The first day I was very understanding about it. There are lots of little old people on cruise ships. I sure did not want to get anyone else sick. I thought with bed rest, pushing fluids and a course of Tamiflu I'd beat it pretty quick. However, my positive attitude about it pretty much went flying out the window by the third day of isolation. I was ready to go postal.

The time I was down was pretty grim. Not only did I feel terrible, I hated missing out on the only vacation I am likely to get this year. Also, I am by nature a pretty social person. Being in solitary confinement all that time was hard to take. However, when I finally DID get to get out of my room (on our way back home) I had an amazing day. Dolphins surrounded the ship by the hundreds, jumping out of the water right up next to the boat and all across the sea. After that we went through a pod of whales. Over and over again they came up to the surface within just a few feet of where I was standing on the deck. They were truly awesome to watch. I saw amazing islands, I enjoyed some good meals. Besides all that, I felt very grateful to simply be able to BREATHE without coughing and to have the freedom to walk around again.

When I think of that trip I could define it as a miserable experience that I spent locked up most of the time. Or I can think of that trip as the vacation I took when I got to commune with dolphins and whales. The choice is up to me.

For me, the most positive way for me to define that cruise to Mexico is to clearly remember BOTH parts of it. Rather than having to view my life experiences in terms of either/or good/bad dichotomy, I prefer to embrace both/and. This vacation was the trip when I got sick AND the trip that I saw dolphins and whales.

I do not want to put on blinders to my experience of being ill. It was a very difficult, painful, disappointing thing to have happen. Yet it also was a reminder to me about how very fortunate I am to have generally good health. There was a point that every free breath I took without going into spasms of coughing truly felt like a precious gift from God. (I was really sick!) It was interesting to watch how long it took for me to start taking breathing for granted again. It wasn't very long. I am trying to HOLD ON to that feeling of gratitude for things as basic as my breath. Remembering my period of illness gets me closer to feeling a deep appreciation for it.

I give meaning to what happens to me on a daily basis. I can whine about the things that do not meet my expectations. Or I can look for the blessings and lessons that are in ALL things that occur, even the painful ones.

I will definitely have pain. Whether I allow that pain to make me miserable is up to me. I really do believe that there are blessings in ALL my experiences. Some float right up to the surface, like those breaching whales and leaping dolphins. Others are harder to identify. But if I look deep, they are always there.

RESILIENCY

Today I am thinking about Resliency.

RESILIENCY: Able to recover quickly from misfortune; able to return to original form after being bent, compressed, or stretched out of shape. A human ability to recover quickly from disruptive change, or misfortune without being overwhelmed or acting in dysfunctional or harmful ways. As in "Our team showed great resilience," or "Our team had good resiliency."

One of my friends on FaceBook posted a link to a story about a pilot who had the misfortune of having his plane rather seriously mangled by a bear in a remote area of Alaska. The piolt called for help - NOT to rescue him from the bush. Rather, he had two new tires and a few cases of duct tape delivered. Yeah. Duct tape. He pieced his plane back together and FLEW IT HOME where he could have it repaired further.

Now THAT's what I call resilience.













To take a quiz to see how relient you are, go HERE.

Life on the Farm

Columbia Basin Research Farm


Morning at the farm


Where I go walking nearly every day


Blue Mountains in the background


Lovely Oregon sky


Weather Station


Greenhouse


Where I live

Hope & Disappointment

After learning I did not get the job I was really hoping I would be hired for, I've been giving a lot of thought to the relationship between hope and disappointment.

Every broken dream that causes me to cry is a direct result of having reached for a place, a person, a thing, or set of circumstances I want to draw into my life. When what I long for doesn't happen, how badly I feel about it seems to be in direct proportion to how much I had hoped. In my mind, the definition of pain is the distance between what IS and what I hope for. Little distance = little pain. Big distance = devastated, bleeding, bruised and battered heart whimpering in a ball on the floor. (Well, figuratively anyway.) What it comes down to, for me, is this: if I could stop HOPING for certain outcomes then I would never be disappointed.

Recently I allowed my hopes to go flying sky high.
Today, my disappointment has my heart crawling lower than a snake's belly.

So was all that hope a mistake?

I don't think so.

I prefer to hold on to the words of Martin Luther King who said: "We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope."

It is an inevitable part of living in this fallen mortal world that we will all experience some shattered dreams and big disappointments. How we choose to respond to those events will shape how we experience our lives.

Sometimes it may seem a bit masochistic or misguided to keep flinging my heart skyward with hope, giving room for deep longing for certain outcomes to happen. More than one person has recently advised me I'd be better off to practice more "acceptance" and appreciation of whatever actually comes into my life instead of forever chasing passionately after different paths. I know that advice is well intended. But it's not for me. I am determined to keep hope alive.

I am a dreamer at my core. I like being optimistic as I reach for different possibilities. It's not without a price. But it is a price I'm willing to pay. A lot of the things I reach for never come to pass. Some of those missed dreams cause me to shrug my shoulders and say "oh well!". Others have sent me huddled into fetal position wailing for days. But I will accept that risk. I would rather have a life of scars from the crashes than play it safe by never striving. I will take the heartbreak. Because I choose to continue to reach for the stars.

Silly girl.

BOOK REVIEW- Am I Not A Man? The Dred Scott Story

I just finished reading the book "Am I Not A Man? The Dred Scott Story" by Mark Shurtleff. This was a powerful book.

Mark Shurtleff, Attorney General for the State of Utah, spent five years carefully researching the story of Dred Scott, an illiterate slave who sued for freedom in the 1800's. In law school Shurtleff had studied the case of Scott vs. Sanford - a case that is very significant because the Supreme Court had overturned an act of Congress. Years later Shurtleff became interested in the case again, only this time he sought to more fully understand the person of Dred Scott rather than just the facts of legal precedent. He also became very interested in the various members of the Blow family who fought so tirelessly to assist their former slave to win his freedom after having sold him off to help pay their own debts.

The book is very meticulously researched and clearly details many incidents of the time in stark accuracy according to the documents Shurtleff uncovered. While the "personalities" involved are of necessity conjecture, assigning motives, thoughts, and dialogue that are entirely creations of the author, the EVENTS that are reported throughout this book are very real.

Historical fiction is an interesting genre. With some it is difficult to sort out where the history starts and stops and when the fiction begins. This book was a strong departure from that pattern. And that, perhaps, is both the strength and the weakness of this book. There were times as I was reading it that I had difficulty assigning a "voice" to the story as it vacillated between the writer's attempt to create believable characters against the backdrop of such detailed historical accounts. Clearly much of what is included comes from the various letters, newspaper reports, court records, deeds, wills, and other tangible evidence of the times. I found myself continually switching tracks in my mind. Just when I would begin to get caught up in caring about the PEOPLE I was reading about, the tale would then segue off into various factual tangents... a detail about Francis Scott Key or a sideline about various Indian treaties. I found it distracting. YES, they helped portray a more complete picture of what was going on at the time. But for me, too often those details, even though true and sometimes quite interesting, were not entirely germane to the story of Dred Scott. So I felt the narrative was cluttered with way too much of the HISTORY and weak when it came to the FICTION.

I suspect that Shurtleff would be an excellent writer of non fiction accounts that would be fascinating to read. He is clearly an intelligent, articulate guy who has very carefully studied every detail of this time period and of the parties involved.

FICTION writing, however, has more to do with imagination. I would like to see what Shurtleff might do if he were to attempt a straight fiction piece - simply weaving a story of believable characters sorting their way through some sort of conflict or struggle. It would be fine if the backdrop were loosely based on actual events. But to mix the fiction with such detailed research was frustrating for me. I could never fully engage in unfolding of the plot enough to fully care about the characters. Juxtaposed as they were against all the detailed facts kept bringing me up short in how I responded to the book, never letting me give myself over to the degree of willful suspension of disbelief that can make fiction reading so delightful. Still, I could never entirely immerse myself in enjoying the analytical world of related facts that generally appeals to me in reading non-fiction because that kept getting interspersed with dialogue that seemed to me a bit contrived.

So I was both fascinated and frustrated by this book. In many ways it remains a good read and taught me much about our nation's history of that period that I had not known previously. It also made me hungry to know more about the Blows. I was very curious about what led them to have the moral courage to stand up for their friend Dred Scott the way that they did, at considerable risk and expense to themselves. As a follow up to this book I would love to see Shurtleff attempt a retelling of the same period exclusively from their point of view - only this time really allow himself to give way to the fiction. I believe he could accomplish much with that by staying true to the characters he clearly has much admiration for (and rightfully so) if he could manage to avoid being so married to the details of the research.

NOTE: You can read reviews of what others thought about this important book by following links to their blogs listed for the Virtual Book Tour HERE.

STUFF

You would think that somebody who has moved as many times as I have would have gotten rid of most of the unnecessary clutter in their lives. Somehow, however, I seem to have accumulated A LOT of stuff.

As I am preparing for a possible move to Alaska, I am re-evaluating how important to me every thing I own really is. It is VERY expensive to ship things up north. So it just makes sense to get rid of anything I currently own which I do not either a)USE or b) really love.

Sounds simple enough. Until I start going through all the boxes I have stored in my basement and in the closets. Oh my. I have things stored there which I have not even LOOKED at in over a year. That by definition should mean I can get by just fine with out it, right? Um, well, sorta. But not THIS piece. ARGH!

I have A LOT of framed photos. When we lived in our big house they were all over the walls. Now they are in boxes. Granted, I spent a lot of money on those frames and some of them are very nice pictures. But I've managed just fine this long without having them out. And chances are, my next house will be as small or smaller than this one. So...what to do with all these pictures???

Then there is the furniture. What about that? Obviously some of it will go with us. But not all. What about the pieces we choose not to take?

I think that's the hard part for me. It's not so much that I have to keep them. I am just very torn on the best outcome for my things. They are way too good to just throw away. I do not have interest or suitable place to have a yard sale. I don't have the time or energy to do Craig's list or eBay. So do I really just give it all away?

Yep. I have enough. There are people who do not. I can give away the things I don't need.

I believe that. Really. I do.

And then I start coveting my own stuff....

WHY would I care about a fancy dish that has been in a box for a year?
WHY would I care about a framed picture I absolutely know I'll never hang again?
WHY would I care about any number of material things I do not use ever?

It simple, really. Each one of these things has so many memories attached. I know the drill - take a box of index cards and WRITE OUT the memory you associate with the thing. If you want, take a photo of the thing to attach to the card. KEEP the memory. Get rid of the THING. It makes perfect sense.

Still, for whatever reason, for me that's really hard to do.

Deep breath. LET IT GO...

Continuing Journey

Those of you who know me well know I have moved A LOT. (Arizona, Ohio, Florida, Michigan, Washington, Oregon - with several shifts between various towns...over 25 moves since leaving my parents' home.)

When my job at the non profit ended last July I began looking for a position in or near Boise. I was utterly CONVINCED that was where I would land next, hopefully for keeps.

There were a number of reason I picked Boise. (close to family, nice climate, affordable housing, LDS temple there, right size town...not too big, not too small, but in the words of baby bear in the Goldilocks story, it's "just right".)

However, after MANY applications and six interviews in Idaho, no job floated to the top. I went through every phase of anticipation, excitement, disappointment, worry, crankiness, discouragement and fear you can imagine.

My husband in nearing retirement. I will be primary wage earner for the next 15 yrs. So it is critical that I find a place where I can get a job with decent benefits where we will be comfortable living long term.

So I began widening my net...applied for jobs in lots of different places doing lots of different things: Arizona, Colorado, Utah, Washington, Oregon and Alaska.

And wouldn't ya know, it seems I may have found a hit... in Alaska.

I am working really hard at not getting over confidant. I've had too many near misses over the past few months to dare get cocky again. But this one feels different. This one somehow just seems to be a fit. I passed the phone interview and am now scheduled to fly up for a face-to-face. They will start checking my references this week and I will do a 30 minute presentation to show my stuff...We'll see how it lands....

But through it all I have had such an interesting roller coaster ride of perceptions about what work means. What work do I consider beneath me? What work do I consider out of my league? Why? How come not having a job to go to felt so excruciatingly crummy some days and appeared as sweet respite on others?

In my head I completely understand that my value as a person is NOT defined or limited by what I do to earn a paycheck. Yet in my gut I still tie a lot of my identity to my job.

I've thought a lot about good jobs I've had and horrid jobs I've had and tried my very best to sort out what I need from a work environment to make it be a better match.

What do you like about your job? What do you hate?
If you could do ANYTHING you wanted (and no matter what it was you would get paid EXACTLY twice what you now earn) what would you do?

Work is indeed an intriguing part of our lives. I've had several starts and stops with trying to do some serious academic research about American perceptions of the workplace. Lately, however, I've been too busy dancing in circles with my own attitudes about it all to make much sense of bibliography and footnotes.

Will I get this next job I interview for? I honestly don't know.
But I feel ready for it. I think it would be a good fit.
Only time will tell.

Crazy For the Storm

Check out the review I just wrote of Crazy For the Storm by Norman Ollestad over on Page Nibbers. AMAZING BOOK!!!!

Here are a few links to what OTHERS have said about this book:

June 07, 2009 Sarah Willis in the Plain Dealer (Cleveland, OH)

June 14, 2009 Washington Post

July 08, 2009 Pen on Fire - Audio interview of author by Marie Stone

Cool Quote

My daughter-in-law, Tammi, sent me this:

"Every sixty seconds you spend angry, upset or mad, is a full minute of happiness you'll never get back. Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, And never regret anything that made you smile. Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should dance."

I LOVE those words!

Today I begin a whole new round of applying for jobs and wondering where I will be living in the next six months. For the first time in over eight years find myself unemployed.

I could freak out about that. I could focus on the loss of income, the loss of a lot of things. I have teetered a bit close to edge of melt-down angst over this from time to time.

But, gratefully, so far I keep pulling myself back in the nick of time.

I will NOT fall into the trap of "poor me" or blubbering about woulda-shoulda-coulda.

I will embrace new opportunities.
I will cherish time to explore new things.
I will dance.

Come on world, give me your best shot. I'm ready for ya!

Respond Differently

Jen over at Lords of the Manor has come up with an excellent suggestion. Out of the painful event of an injured knee she has come up with a challenge for bloggers to take up. She wrote: "Choose an area of your life in which you can respond differently. Maybe a relationship, parenting, interacting with friends, or maybe like me you need an attitude adjustment. Set a daily goal for yourself and keep track of how you respond differently in this situation, with this person, or with yourself and work on your goal for 4 weeks. Then on August 1 post a description of your goal, how you implemented it, and your results on your blog."

Well, obviously it's too late for me to give it four weeks, so I would not qualify for the prize. But that does not mean it's too late for me to explore areas of my own life where I could benefit from making some changes.

Also, it will be interesting to go back and read what others come up with.
Thanks for the challenge, Jen. Get better soon!