Look Out River - Here We Come!

I just made reservations for my beloved and I to do a bit of white water rafting on the Deschutes River. I am ever so excited we get to go on this adventure.

I have a conference to attend in Hood River on the 26th. So husband and I will drive over Wednesday night, have a nice dinner somewhere and relax away from our many work responsibilities. (He's up to his eyeballs in wheat harvest, so getting him to commit to go was a BIG DEAL, and one I appreciate immensely!) He will go fishing while I attend the summer conference for the American Association of Women in Community Colleges.

Afterward we may do a little geocaching or just explore around Hood River.

Then on Friday we head over to Maupin where we will take a five hour guided raft trip. I can't wait! The last time I was rafting was with our good friends Pat & Chuck Butcherite when we all went to Alaska together a couple years ago. That was SO MUCH FUN that I am very much looking forward to going again.

Then on Saturday we head over to Bend to knock around antique shops, do some hiking, and maybe geocache some more. That evening we go over to Sisters, OR to hear Terri Jentz speak out about her experiences relayed in the book "Strange Piece of Paradise." After having corresponded with her via e-mail for some time it will be great to finally meet her!

So I would say we have one full weekend coming up. I am very much looking forward to it!

Keeping Marriage Alive

This week's Woman-to-Woman topic has to do with marriage.

The challenge reads thus:

"Whether you've been married for 38 years, 8 years or are a newlywed, you've probably picked up a few of the keys to a happy marriage, one which is nurturing and continues to grow. Maybe your marriage has struggled, but you've found a road back to each other and have insights for those in similar situations. What would you say are the three most key elements in your marriage that keep the romance alive and the heart aflutter? "


There are many things I could write about. I've said before HERE how I feel about the man I'm married to.

But if I have to pick just three key factors that keep our love alive, I'd list these:

MINDFUL INTIMACY
POWER OF WORDS
DEAD PRESIDENTS & POWER

Now to explain.... (warning ...not TOO graphic, but may be a bit PG13. Sorry if this is just TOO MUCH information, but it's something I think matters that is worthy of talking about.)

MINDFUL INTIMACY: When most folks hear married people (or other romantically involved partners) talk about "being intimate" they immediately think that means sex. It can. Sometimes. But I think it is very important to build deliberate intimacy into the relationship that does NOT involve intercourse. Face it, no matter how loving or generous your intent when you start making love, there comes a point when the whole universe -INCLUDING your partner- becomes secondary to the ferocious building up torrent/release of sensation in your own body. At least that is how it is for me.

So we make sure we make time for lots of pleasuring touch that is NOT foreplay, but something to savor for its own. Being able to "pinch and tickle", give lots of deep, passionate kisses, body massage and experimenting with what each of us likes with no expectation for it to be leading up to sex can be incredibly bonding.

There is so much laughter, occasional silliness, sometimes quiet wonder as we explore just sharing ourselves with each other in cuddling, time together ways. Those times make it so that when we DO choose to have sex it's all that much richer, more mindful, more chosen.

Enough said.

POWER OF WORDS - We have this silly little tradition in which I relate any mundane, routine chore to being an expression of devotion. When I'm sorting sock I'll say to my man: "And WHY am I sorting these socks?" He'll tease me at first with some ridiculous answer like "well, it's better than chasing an aardvark!" I will put on mock outrage at that and insist he come up with a better answer. Then he will get a huge grin on his face and tenderly say "Because you love me." To which I will answer some variation of this: "YES, I sort these socks because I do love you. It means a lot to me to be able to help make a home that is comfortable for you, where you can come home secure in the knowledge of having matched socks. I may not be saving the world. But I'm loving you the best way I know how."

Pure mush? Yep. But this little "game" that we play reinforces for BOTH of us that we DO love each other, and that even in all the minutia of life - taking out the trash, sorting socks, picking up dog poop in the yard, washing the car, ANYTHING that makes our home more sane, more ordered, more cozy can be done as an expression of love. There is POWER in that. (And a lot of silliness, which is ok too.)

It keeps us from getting annoyed or overwhelmed with the chores. If we have a big enough WHY, the how just falls into place. It helps us live in a more deliberate state of experiencing and expressing our love in even the most mundane moments.

DEAD PRESIDENTS - my reference to money. So many couples I know have conflicts over cash, or the lack there of. We don't. Ever. Never have in 25 years. In our early years we were poor as church mice. Now we are considerably more comfortable. But no matter where we were on the economic spectrum we have scrupulously followed these rules.

1) PAY TITHING FIRST - no matter what. It is our way of acknowledging that ALL we have comes from the Lord, and that we trust Him to provide for our needs.

2) PAY BILLS NEXT - We are far from rich, but our credit rating is "super prime". On our signature alone we could get many thousands of dollars if some emergency were ever to arise. That comes from having regularly paid our bills on time even if it meant sacrificing other things. We have learned to separate needs from wants and we know which comes first in line.

3) SAVE FOR A RAINY DAY. Even though I grew up in Arizona, I know that eventually, it WILL rain. It helps to have a little nest egg set aside for emergencies. Besides, having grown up poor and known what it felt like to live on the fringe, that nest egg does plenty to provide comfort/security/peace of mind EVERY DAY even when it is not raining. I think this comes under the category of "When ye are prepared ye shall not fear."


Now, if there was anything left after rules 1, 2 & 3 THEN we could make some choices. There were plenty of years when we joked that the reason we didn't fight over money was because we had no money to quibble about. Seriously, it was just plain GONE by the time we took care of our prime directives. So be it. At least we knew the important stuff WAS taken care of.

But in recent years we've had more disposable income than we ever dreamed we would back when we were paupers. And the way we handle that is some extrapolation of the $50 rule.

What's that you ask? From very early on when I was a stay at home mom we BOTH acknowledged that we BOTH contributed to the household in meaningful ways even though he brought in income and I didn't. So we made a pact that each month he would get $50 and I would get $50 to spend ANY WAY WE LIKED with no questions, no complaints, no criticism, no eye rolling. There were times when I thought he needed another fishing pole like he needed a hole in the head. There were days when I'm sure he questioned why I was forever buying yet ANOTHER book when I had plenty sitting on the shelf I had not yet read. But it didn't matter. We were grown ups with the right to choose what was important to us without having to ask permission or worry about censure.

Now, over the years the AMOUNT of the $50 rule has changed substantially. At one point it was closer to $5. Now it is bigger. But the amount really isn't important - that just depends on any given couple's financial means. The key principles are that we are TOTALLY honest with each other, don't "SNEAK" or hide purchases and give each other room to have preferences, desires, etc that make no sense to our spouse. (My husband is a sucker for kitchen gadgets and other wonder items sold on TV infomercials. I spend lots of money for things that never "SHOW" in the house, like getting massage or going to trainings or retreats.) We are DIFFERENT in what we value. But that's ok. He and I BOTH contribute to our family and we BOTH should be able to benefit from our means - that was true when I had no financial income, it was true when he made way more than me and it is still true when I earn more than him.

We don't fight over little pieces of paper with pictures of dead presidents. Our love is just too important for that.


There are plenty of other things which keep our magic going. I've mentioned a few of them in my comments to some of the other entries to this topic.

The bottom line is that keeping love alive is a CHOICE, not a matter of luck or having been exceedingly wise in choosing the perfect person. We are all married to human beings therefore, like us, they are imperfect. But we can choose to focus on what we treasure rather than what we deplore. Sure, I wish he wouldn't leave his dirty socks in the middle of the floor. But I'll keep picking them up, keep washing them and keep sorting them into pairs - NOT because there are no Aardvarks in this neck of the woods. I do it, because I really, truly DO love him.

Co hosts Lei over at My Many Colored Days and Morning Glory at Seeds From My Garden have link lists leading to what other women have written on this subject.

Lessons from Dr. Laura

Anybody who knows me AT ALL understands that I am not a big Dr. Laura fan, for many reasons. I find the woman shrill, condescending, judgemental and hypocritical to the extreme. So why on earth would I choose to listen to a book on tape from this harpie?

Well, it happened like this: I was in the library picking stuff out, and I was tired of all the murder mysteries and espionage they had on the shelves. I was hungry for something meatier. So I was cruising the non-fiction aisle and was disappointed to find very slim pickings available there on CD. My library has a bit more available on tape, but my car does not have a tape player. I commute about 40 minutes each way every work day, so I like to keep a steady stream of books to listen to during that time.

As I perused the stacks I saw I had already listened to most of the good stuff available. So, as I do in many elections, rather than picking the best choice I found myself looking for the least bad.

Then I came across the book "Bad Childhood, Good Life" by Dr. Laura.
I decided that rather than listen to something "fun" for me, I could kill two birds with one stone by giving myself something to hear during drive time and doing a bit of research for my teaching job. Right now I am in the process of putting together a list of resources on family relationships for the Sociology of the Family class I teach online. So far I've listed things like The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work by John Gottman and Nan Silver, Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew by Sherrie Eldridge and Daughters of Madness: Growing up and Older With a Mentally Ill Mother by Susan Nathaniel. I've been wanting to broaden the list, to put a wide variety of sources for my students to choose from to write a report on, not just books that I happen to like. So I thought I'd give Dr. Laura a try to see if her stuff would be suitable for the assignment I'm planning.

Uh, yeah. That IS true. Honest. I really AM teaching a class online and I really DO need to gather a few more resources for that list... however I also heard some voice whispering in the back of my head that maybe there would be some good stuff in this book for me too.

ARE YOU NUTS? I say to that little voice. Something GOOD from DR. LAURA? Get real. The woman is (insert whatever critical expletive suits you and you get the idea of the internal dialogue I had going on.)

So the "serious sociologist" in me began listening to the book in a very evaluating way. I can't stand her voice. She IS shrill. She DOES sound condescending. ICK.

But when I get past the voice and let the WORDS sink in...I have to admit that quite a bit of what she was saying made sense. Some of it feels true. Some of it feels healing. Some of it feels very valuable. Even coming from Dr. Laura.

I still don't like the lady. I still disagree with her on many points, some of them vehemently.

But I can't just toss out this book as the product of a fame hungry nut case. There seems to be quite a bit of value here.

Which got me to thinking about the way I tend to give credit to messages from sources I like / approve of and discredit messages from sources I don't like / disapprove of before I ever really listen to or openly consider the message itself.

HMMM... I think there's a lesson for me there.

The Artist's Way

Today I picked up the book The Artist's Way - A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity" by Julia Cameron. From what I understand, this is a book that is worked more than simply read. It is supposed to present a course in discovering and recovering your creative self.

At the author's website there are a variety of forums for discussion groups of people who are pursing this path. There are also many alternative Artist Way groups, such as the one that life coach Laura Young is just getting off the ground.

I'd be very interested to know if any of you who read this blog are familiar with this work and what you thought of it. If you have read it, what was your impression? If not, do you know others who have?

Do You Feel Lucky?

You are a South African bush pilot working for Blue Sky Aviation. You fly in some critical medical supplies, enjoy a quick lunch at the hospital.

It's a stifling 100 degrees in the shade and you're eager to get back up to the cool, high blue yonder. On the way back to your plane, you discover that the only bit of shade within 1 mile has become very popular.

You start calculating the distance to the plane door and wonder . . . "Do I feel lucky today?"

Strange Piece of Paradise

Back in May I wrote a posting here about the book "Strange Piece of Paradise" by Terri Jentz.

I left it up for three or four days and then took it down, marking it as "draft" so the words were still captured for ME, but no longer available for those who read this blog. I felt way too exposed by having made references in my comments to some of my early trauma history. It creeped me out that people whose esteem I crave would know the bad nasty secrets of my past. So I made the words go away.

I've thought a lot about why I wrote it in the first place, why I took it down, and why after all these years I still have so much struggle with owning the fact that the old horrors should NOT infer any shame on me. Whether or not I ever adequately answer those questions is anybody's guess. It's something that remains deeply unresolved for me.

I've been corresponding some with the author Terri Jentz over the past months. We've been batting around a conversation about the key issue of people standing mute when evil occurs. If I can't even speak out about my own history, how can I expect anyone else to stand up when they see someone being harmed?

I see no need to go on and on about the gorey details or to make those events the centerpiece of my life's story. But by maintaining the iron clad secrecy about it that is my usual pattern I think I do both myself and all victimized children a disservice.

So, all squeemishness aside, I'm reposting my comments about Strange Piece of Paradise, and not editing out the parts that initially made my skin crawl. There are no graphic tales or anything all that self revealing. Still, for me even saying this much felt like swollowing a coarse stone. Truth be told, I really don't care so much about the "strangers" who might read this. But those folks I know in the real world who are likely to see it...that's the part that gives me pause. I have no doubt that in the days and weeks to come I'll have plenty of opportunities to process that discomfort further and maybe learn from it some.

Terri will be coming back to central Oregon the end of this month to give a "town hall" sort of meeting to talk about the issue of why people look away or keep silent in the face of evil. She will be speaking at Paulina Springs bookstore in Sisters, Oregon, on July 28th at 6:30. Should be an interesting group there, including many who know players in the story. I'm not sure my schedule will permit me to go, but I aim to try if I can arrange it.

Whether I make it there in body or not, I'm definitely with Terri in spirit and wish her every success. Her ability to reclaim her life after an unspeakable crime that nearly killed her speaks volumes to the strength of her core self. I don't know her personally, so I can't really say how much she has actually moved on or how much her life remains intertwined with those events of over 20 years ago. But either way, it seems to me she has taken some very positive steps by fully owning what happened to her and being willing to explore the impact of those events.

While I certainly have no intention of writing a book or going on tour to talk about my own harms there is still much I can learn from her candor.

So here's the post. Hopefully, this time I'll have the guts to let it stand.

*******

I just finished listening to a very powerful audio book, Strange Piece of Paradise by Terri Jentz.

I am both haunted and affirmed by this book.

Ms Jentz and her Yale roommate survived a horrific attack while camping near Redmond, OR in 1977. A man deliberately drove over the top of the tent they were sleeping in, then went after the both of them with an ax. It is an absolute miracle that either girl lived through it at all, let alone that they were both able to go on to have powerful, productive lives.

The book chronicles her investigation into that crime which was never solved.

The "true crime" genre generally does not appeal to me at all. However, this book is so much more than that. The word pictures Jentz paints are as breathtaking as the peaked mountains of the area where she was nearly killed. Her book is just the right mix of personal account and social commentary. Her skill with language keeps the reader engaged, maintaining a taunt story with sometimes harrowing details, yet is not overwhelming. Her training in English Literature at Yale definitely shows.

While I've never had to endure the sort of crime Jentz experienced, her depiction of disassociation in the beginning of the book is all too familiar to me. I know that sort of splitting. I also know what it's like to wake up from nightmares years after an assault and feel the creepiness of dream dancing with memory shudder through my skin.

Her tenacious determination to track down the truth of what really happened to her that night leads her to discoveries about evil that go beyond most people's imagination...yet perhaps even more disconcerting is her realization that despite the fact that dozens of people either knew or suspected who did this terrible crime the perpetrator was never arrested, never prosecuted, never punished.

This is why Jentz's story is so riveting for me. While our traumas were very, very different, I know something of the incredulity and impotent rage one feels when others stand by seeing the bad thing happen, having the power to intervene, but instead do NOTHING. Coming to terms with that is something I expect I will do battle with in one fashion or another until I am in my grave.

I get it that there is badness. But I am more harmed, and I believe our culture as a whole is more damaged, by the failure of decent people to stand up and speak out against evil than we are by the consequences of the evil itself.

While the legal outcomes are very different, there are some parallels to what went on in Bend and Redmond, Oregon in the '70s and the case of Kitty Genovese who was murdered outside her apartment in 1964 while dozens of neighbors did nothing to intervene.

At the time of the Genovese murder the press went crazy with statements about how urban living led to such a shameful and wanton lack of regard for a fellow human being. A considerable amount of research and discussion into the social phenomena of "diffusion of responsibility" and "bystander effect" was done for years afterwards. I still teach those very principles in my own sociology courses. They are key principles we social scientists cut our academic teeth on.

But Jenz's story gives clear evidence that even in small town America people can refuse to see or acknowledge danger/evil in their midst. The reasons for this are complex, and unravelling THAT has been the heart of my own journey.

Jury Duty

Today I must appear in the Umatilla County Courthouse for jury duty. I am amazed by how many people I've talked to who have offered tips for how I can get out out this obligation. Frankly, I have misgivings about a legal system where a person's fate is decided by 12 people who had nothing better to do or couldn't come up with a credible excuse.

I've served on a Grand Jury before, where I went in every week for about three months to meet with prosecuters and other jurors to review charges from various cases (usually 10-12 each week) to determine whether or not there was sufficient evidence to hold the plaintiff for trial. But the only time I've had to be on a regular jury where I helped decide innocence or guilt was many years ago and that was just traffic court.

I have no idea whether I'll be selected today to be on a seated jury or if I'll get sent home. But I'm open to participating in the process.

Granted, that could throw a monkey wrench into my plans for a long weekend holiday. I'm scheduled to have Wednesday through Friday off from work and have been looking forward to the break for months. Obviously I will have Wednesday off regardless, since that is a holiday so courts will be closed. But I could potentially end up having to go back to court Thursday and Friday. So be it. If it happens, I'll go with no whining. As stated by the Constitutional Rights Foundation: "In the American system of government, power derives from the consent of the governed. That power is expressed in two fundamental institutions: the voting booth and the jury box. " I think it's pretty important that folks take both seriously.

Cool Quotes

This week's Woman to Woman challenge asked bloggers to name a favorite quote and what it meant for them. I finally settled on this one by Ralph Waldo Emerson:

"To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better,
Whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived
This is to have succeeded. "

We live in a world that gives such awful distorted messages about what it means to win, to get it right, to succeed. I think there is tremendous value in standing apart from all the emphasis on shiny things or popularity or a specific body fat ratio to simply allow ourselves to be present to all that is good, all that is possible, all that is worthy in this world.

There is so much badness, coarseness, depravity and danger. But there is also tremendous beauty and loveliness of spirit. Emerson's words remind me that I can turn my face and my focus to that goodness and embrace it with a vengeance.

Another one that I particularly like is:

"Resolve to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, tolerant with the weak, and forgiving with the wrong, for sometime in your life you will have been all of these." (This one has been attributed to various sources, included Lloyd Shearer and Robert Goddard. I honestly don't know who said it first, but I LIKE it just the same!)

There's certainly no guarentees for old age, as is emphasized by the fact that far too many of my pals never made it that far. But still, the words ring true.

We're all just doing the best we can to get through this crazy old life with a degree of grace and smiles, even when we fumble. Shearer's words remind me to take a deep breath and cut some slack to those who may frustrate or annoy me.

There are so many other good quotes - I could go on and on with tales of how they have comforted me, lifted me, challenged my thinking. From scripture verses to song lyrics to ancient Chinese probverbs, a well turned phrase that is powerful enough to last through the ages is a sacred gift to us all.

Thanantology

My blogger pal Joel asked in a post comment about the course in Death & Dying that I used to teach. I started to just fire off an e-mail to answer his questions, but decided I'd go ahead and post my reply about it here.

Thanantology is the study of death and dying. About a dozen years ago I taught a course in Death and Dying for a couple terms at a community college in Michigan. Then I taught it again as a special topics seminar at my old Alma mater, Western Michigan University. I did quite a bit of research in preparation for the course. I volunteered with hospice. I got to know a homicide detective pretty well. I went out with a coroner's assistant to the scene of a deceased man to investigate cause and legally declare the person dead. I hung out in funeral homes a lot. I researched cross-cultural traditions related to death. I attended workshops and read A LOT of books.

In my class we talked about all sorts of things - from violent death to pet death to SIDS. We discussed the businesses that profit from death. We had speaker panels - a man who had lost his partner to HIV/AIDS, a woman whose teen aged daughter had been killed by a drunk driver, a guy whose dad had committed suicide.

My students all had to write their own obituaries and plan whatever form of body disposal & service they wanted. We had field trips to cemeteries and funeral homes. We talked a lot about how death adds meaning to life.

But no matter how much research I may have done, no matter how many books on the subject I read - nothing really prepares your heart for letting go of those we love.

When I was in my early 20's my parents both died. Although divorced for over five years and completely out of contact with each other they died the very same week. My mother was 53. My father was 55. Both deaths were sudden and completely unexpected.

In 2000 my stepdaughter, Stacy, died of cancer. She was 25. That wound still stings my soul in ways I can scarcely name.

Some years before that my beloved sister-in-law, Donna, also died of cancer. That loss was savage business that robbed every one who ever knew her of a very special spirit.

I worked for a while doing HIV/AIDS intervention work, and through that job got to know several people who were in their final stages of life.

Then a couple years ago I lost four different people dear to me over a six month span. With that cluster of grief I learned something that all the study in the world could never teach.

Dealing with death is different from just about every other experience in that it doesn't get better or easier with practice. If I throw a ball or play a flute or cut stained glass long enough, over time I get better at it. I build skill sets that create a level of proficiency in place of early bumbling attempts or mediocrity. Do a deed over and over and over again long enough and you WILL get better. But it doesn't work that way with letting go of those we love.

My experience has been that grief piggy backs. When I have a new loss, it triggers many of the old emotions from former letting go episodes to come tumbling out again, so that I end up confronting stacks of sorrow, piles of pain. Each new repose serves as a reminder of what I've not entirely resolved in the earlier losses. Also, knowing lots about the dynamics of grief, even being called a "trained expert" by some, in no way gets me off the hook from my own breaking heart.

Right now both of my older brothers' wives are facing the approaching deaths of their mothers. While I don't know those women well I DO know and care deeply for my sisters-in-law whose lives are reeling from the events that are unfolding. Also a co-worker of mine just lost her son, and is at this time feeling utterly desolate over that. In my church family there are people who are seriously ill whose lives may be short. Compound that with the fact that nearly every week we hear of losses of soldiers in far away lands...it all piles up to taunt me with how pervasive death is in this fallen mortal world.

Because of my religious faith I truly do believe in a life after death and I am confidant that the next phase of our eternal progression will be an amazing, wonderful thing. Still, I kick against death - recoil from its approach among those I know and love.

Yet I recognize that LIFE is terminal. Ain't none of us gettin' out of here alive. We are all dying from the moment we first take breath. It's just that some people get some warning in the form of a diabolical diagnosis and a message from doctors to put affairs in order while others, like my parents, meet death like a thief in the night.

Life is precious to us primarily BECAUSE we know it is a limited commodity. If I've learned anything from the precious time I've spent among those who were terminally ill it is to respect life every moment that we have of it, drink it in deep, appreciate it and say what we really mean. Life is too short for posing, hypocrisy, unkindness or lies.

Also I've learned that there never was a hearse with a U-haul trailer full of stuff attached. In the end, the shiny things just get passed on or sold in a tag sale.

Death is one of the great mysteries. No matter how strong my faith in the here after, there is no way to really KNOW what death will bring until it's actually my turn. As I get closer with each passing year to the age my parents were when they crossed over, I've thought quite a bit about what life and death mean to me.

Mostly I want to live my life with as much passion, compassion, and humor as I can muster, hoping to build some integrity along the way. Whenever my time does come, I want to leave behind lots of people who knew they were very well loved, and hopefully be remembered with more laughter than tears.

Powerful Quotes

This week on the Woman to Woman challenge people are writing about special quotes that are meaningful to them. I may share some words on this topic later... for now I would encourage any of you who pop in here to give a look to the LINKS of what others have said and consider dropping in one of your own (even if you are male!)

Upsidedown Tomatoes

Along with all our fancy flowers, we did finally get our vegetable garden planted. We don't have a very big area to work with--just a 20 x 20 patch between the garage and the storage shed that gets more shade than we'd like. Still, it's nice to be able to have some fresh veggies come harvest time, so we grow some tomatoes, peppers and squash along with a raised bed strawberry patch. This year I decided to try some Upside down Tomatoes. So far they seem to be doing quite well. We've got six different varieties going in buckets hung from a metal frame and the whole contraption is hooked up to a drip watering system set on timers so there is essentially no maintenance. Besides, since the plants aren't on the ground the fruit will be less subject to end-rot and I won't have to bend over to pick them - just walk up to the plants and fill my baskets. Works for me!

Of course my dear husband had to plant HIS tomatoes the old fashioned traditional way just to see whose would do better. He says that plants are "geotropic" meaning roots naturally follow gravity and want to grow down rather than up. I say the roots will go where ever the dirt and water is and if that happens to be up, so be it. We'll see how it turns out as they get going...so far he's finding he has to fight with all kinds of grass and weeds and I don't at all. That all by itself would make it worth growing in buckets if you ask me. I'm wondering what else I might be able to grow upside down next year. Cucumbers maybe?

Yard of the Month

Some of you may recall a while back I wrote about the major landscaping project my beloved and I were undertaking. It turned out really nicely, and we've had lots of comments from folks in the neighborhood about how beautiful it looks. Well, now we've received a new honor. We've just been designated as "Yard of the Month"... a fun little tradition our town has. There are a couple long time residents who drive all over town looking at the yards who pick whichever one they think looks the prettiest. Whoever gets picked gets the sign you see here placed in the yard, pictures in the local paper, etc. I don't know whether to be honored or embarrassed.

However, it DOES look quite pretty...as these pics will attest:

Please Pass the Stupid?

I recently read about the British two year old who was admitted to MENSA after discovering that she had an IQ of 152, making her "smarter" than 98% of the population.

The mother was quoted as having said: "It's fantastic. We're so proud as a family."

I'm troubled by this. In the first place, why be so proud? It's not like this was an achievement that either the girl or the parents pulled off through any special effort. It was the luck of the genetic dice. Beyond that, why is it that having the child score so far off the intellectual charts is automatically perceived as a positive thing?

I say this because of my experiences in my own family. I have two biological sons and three step sons. One of my step sons was brain damaged at birth. He is a sweet young man with a heart of gold. But Troy will never be able to understand abstract concepts or to live fully independently. He is limited in his ability to relate to others in some fairly significant ways. On the other hand, one of my biological sons was born with extraordinary intelligence. I don't recall what his actual test scores were - but they put him way above all of his peers. He was reading quite well before ever starting school and can memorize, calculate and just plain think in some very amazing ways. By my reckoning, BOTH of these sons have had special needs.

When my brilliant boy was in 6th grade his math teacher came to me and said he was "the purest thinker" he had ever met, including adults as well as other kids. Half way through the year most of my son's teachers were throwing their hands up in defeat because they could no longer really teach him much, so they just tried to give him things to do to stay busy. Other kids didn't "get" his wildly divergent interests. Sometimes being so smart was a lonely place to be.

Now just because he is extra brainy does not mean it always showed in the choices my son made. Sometimes when he was growing up the dear lad appeared to have the common sense God gave field cabbage. Sometimes wanting to be liked & accepted led him to do some truly dumb stuff. Other times he had his head in the clouds pondering theoretical equations or reciting the bones of the inner ear so he just didn't give much thought to where he was going. Also he was often terribly frustrated by having to wait on others around him to grasp concepts that to him were just plain obvious.

I would say being smarter than just about everyone he will meet has had just as many challenges with it (although of a different nature) as those faced by our other son who is developmentally delayed. Given the choice, I doubt very seriously my scholar kid would willingly ask to have been born just a bit dimmer. In most respects, he likes being smart. But I know as his mom that it has brought struggles as well as blessings.

More of a good thing is only nice up to a point before it starts to bring diminishing return.

Green Eyed Monster - Revisited

I've been giving some thought over the last few days about jealousy - asking myself a series of questions:
1) What is jealousy?
2) What situations are most likely to trigger me feeling jealous?
3) Do I ever knowingly say or do things to deliberately create jealousy from others?
4) Are there ever situations in which I would consider jealousy to be positive?
5) What am I willing to do, or willing to no longer do, in order to eliminate jealousy from my emotional roadmap?

There are a variety of definitions for jealousy.

When I think of jealousy, I classify it into two basic categories: First is ENVY - Envy is when I feel any degree of bitterness or resentment toward another person or to life in general in response to recognizing someone else has a trait, possession or opportunity that I do not. I'm generally not upset that THEY have whatever it is...I just hate that I don't have it too.

Now, this is the half of jealousy that MAY be a positive thing, at times. When women did not have the right to vote but men did, I think it was appropriate for women to resent the inequity of that arrangement. I think it was a healthy recognition of lopsided power that pushed early suffragettes to march in protest rather than just accept things as they were. To a large extent the whole civil rights movement was pushed forward by the recognition that it was unfair for one group to hold the keys of power and opportunity to the exclusion of another group. It made the left out group feel angry and resentful, enough so that they were willing to take action to change the status quo.

In most cases, however, when I notice myself reacting with conflict, hurt, anger, resentment when I become aware that someone else has something or is able to do something I can't, it has more to do with selfishness than social justice.

It's one thing to admire someone else for their achievement or characteristics and as a result of that admiration to want to emulate them. I think looking to others to get ideas for what I might want to acquire or become in my own life is just fine - so long as I keep it in the category of role modeling. I think it is normal and healthy to rely on our experience with other people to see the range of what might be possible and then to want to do or be or have some of what we see in the lives of those we know.

Where that gets us into trouble, I think, is when we start feeling a general sense of entitlement... that we are owed all the same opportunities, talents, material goods or qualities of some other individual, group or class. The other area of danger is when I feel compelled to "keep up with the Joneses"... defining my worth or level of success with how I measure up next to the guy next door.

While I do believe in fighting for social justice, and believe there should be broad opportunities for all, I have no illusion that equal opportunity will translate to equal outcome. Some people really are smarter or more talented, stronger or more attractive than others. That's just the way it is. So while I am abitious enough to want to strive for various things, I'm also a firm believer in blooming where I am planted, recognizing that my flower box may not get the same sunshine or fertilizer as the next guys. Granted, sometimes it feels unfair when I don't get the same breaks as someone else. But I'd rather spend my energy making the very best I can of MY situation rather than burning up with steam about not having been dealt a different set of cards.

The other half of jealousy is unbridled possessiveness. I feel this form of jealousy any time I take the position that "This is MINE and you cannot have it!" I experience this jealousy any time I feel at all threatened if I perceive that you get too close to something I've named to be exclusively for me. Top of this list for many people is sexual jealousy. But we may also become jealous about other things... such as the pride we take in being considered the "best" at something or jealous of our property or our time, or any number of things.

This form of jealosy is built of both selfishness and insecurity.

(I'm still working on this post...will be revising as I have time.)

Summer Solstice

Today was Summer Solstice, the longest day of the year. It is officially the first day of summer, but also the day that begins the slow march to early darkness and cold winter nights.

The college where I work only offers a few classes for summer session. Also, right now we are on the break between Spring and Summer terms, so most of the faculty are gone and few students have any reason to be there this week. The place is pretty much shut down. It has been so quiet I recently joked with a colleague that we could get out some roller blades and go cruising up and down the hallways without anyone noticing, let alone being bothered by it. Some of the staff are enjoying the peace and quiet, saying they are able to get twice as much done without all the noise and interruptions. Not me. I miss the action and the energy of having a lot of people around. The empty echo of the halls made me wish for an old Druid celebration of the solstice to shake things up a bit.

The Green Eyed Monster

Reading the comment from Booklogged to my last post got me pondering on the topic of jealousy. Even though I am fairly sure her words were in jest, they sparked some thoughts on the subject that have been turning over in my brain for a while. For now I'll just give this preview from YouTube. I'll write more about this in a few days.

GLASS WORKS

Tonight I attended my first stained glass class. It was great! I'm taking it from Gilded Glass in Walla Walla.

I am NOT an artistic person by nature. I've had a lifetime of defining myself as being the most un-creative person I knew. But I think I am going to enjoy working with glass. I had a blast tonight learning about the different types of glass, then practicing cutting, then tracing patterns and choosing colors for my pieces. I'm doing a sunburst design with mirror borders. I go back Thursday evening for the next lesson and then get 7 hours of studio time to complete my project. I'm excited to see how it will turn out.

Creative Genius or Too Much Free Time?

The pictures shown here are of "sculptures" made entirely out of tape. Yep, plain old Scotch brand sticky tape. I don't know which amazes me more, that someone was capable of creating these things or that they would even think of it in the first place.

The artist is Mark Jenkins. You can see more of his work (tape and other mediums) HERE

Congratulations Oliver Nyoni!

I am ever so pleased to announce that one of the businesses that I have supported with a Kiva loan has now been paid back in full.

Oliver lives in the Kimara area of Dar es Salaam in Tanzania. She makes beautiful batik cloth, having received training from Small Industries Development Organization. She started her business over ten years ago.

This past December she was seeking a loan of $550 in order to buy raw materials to make extra product to sell over the Christmas season. As a widow, she is supporting a family of five on her own.

I chose to loan Oliver $25. Other lenders came from Santa Barbara, Ca New York, Portland, Seattle, Boston and a few other spots around the US. Together we took a chance on this dear lady, lending our prayers and confidence along with a little bit of pocket change.

Today that loan is paid in full. I could withdraw the dollars and go on my merry way. NOT A CHANCE. My task now is to sort through the new loan requests Kiva has waiting and find a new person whose dreams I can help make come true.

It is such a LITTLE amount of money. It requires almost no sacrifice on my part at all. Yet, when multiplied with that offered by others it really is enough to make a big difference for a small business in the developing world.

I believe in microfinance whole heartedly. If you haven't explored Kiva before, I encourage you do give it a chance. You'll be glad you did!

Having it All

I’ve been reading several of the links in the "Woman to Woman" writing collaborative on the topic of “Having the Latest Baby Everything” – referring to parents thinking they have to have every newfangled gizmo and doohickey for their babies/children. It just so happens I’ve been to a couple baby showers recently so I’ve had opportunities to shop for infant gear and to observe what things garnered the greatest oohs and ahs, so I’d been giving some thought to the subject anyway.
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When my first son was born we were living in abject poverty. Having anything beyond the basics was never even a consideration. By the time kid number two came along there was a little more wiggle in the budget, but my heart was still far too pragmatic to care for most of the bells and whistle accoutrements of babydom. But now I am a grandma. I have considerably more disposable income than I did when raising my own brood. So I have, on occasion, taken great pleasure in acquiring fancy or fun things for my progeny’s kids. Yet I will admit to being more than baffled at some of the MUST HAVES that many new mothers insist they surround their infants with.
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I never had a baby monitor or a bottle sterilizer or a Baby Einstein video and somehow my sons turned out just fine. That’s not to say those things are evil, or even entirely frivolous – I just don’t see them as anywhere close to being essential. When it came to toys, my kids would usually rather play with the box than whatever came in it. If I put them on a blanket with a few wooden spoons and a pan to bang on they were happy.
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I think most baby things are like pet products. They are created and marketed to be attractive to the person spending the money to buy it rather than the actual end user.
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I recently spent an obscene amount of money on a couple Polo outfits for my youngest grandson’s second birthday. Part of me felt guilty at the time that I was getting hooked in to that whole fashion madness that I am generally dismissive of. But they were pretty darned cute. Will the young one care? Not a bit. But his daddy, who grew up in yard sale finds and hand-me-downs, does.
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I had a conversations with a couple other women recently about the whole issue of blatant consumption of unneeded products – whether it be too many shoes or excessive toys for kids or owning all the latest electronic gizmos or having a garage so full of STUFF you end up parking your car on the street. I see no sin in abundance. I believe it is ok to have and enjoy nice things. However I think we all can benefit by taking a good hard look at our patterns of consumption and the impact our buying/owning/using has not only on our planet, but on our own hearts.
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Too often we turn to STUFF to comfort, to distract or to make us feel worthy. Too often we give people we love THINGS to demonstrate our caring rather than doing the harder work that takes more time of truly connecting.
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I see nothing wrong with having toys or more cute outfits than are absolutely essential for survival – whether it be for my baby or myself. I DO see something wrong with getting so caught up in the “have to have” syndrome that I become less willing to share with others, or more driven to work outside the home to provide a cushy lifestyle.
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I believe that families, societies and the world benefit tremendously from having a parent put HOME as their primary responsibility. So often I hear people say “well, it would be great to stay home with the kids, but we just can’t make it on one income.” That may be true if “making it” requires large homes, cable tv, meals in restaurants, and new toys and clothes throughout the year. I acknowledge that there are many moms of young kids that truly do need to work to help support their families. But I grieve for the many parents – both moms and dads – who sell their lives to employers to give their family STUFF rather than being present in the home.
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I read an article in Ensign magazine some time ago that spoke about the Mormon pioneers crossing the plains. They said that when the wagon trains and handcarts came to the rocky mountains many of those folks found they were carrying too much load to make it, so they regretfully left large heavy items all along the path. There were clocks and furniture, fine china, and musical instruments scattered along the path from Colorado to Utah. People sacrificed their beloved heirlooms to get themselves and their families to Zion. But no matter how much they weighed, no parent EVER left a kid by the side of the road to lighten up a wagon or hand cart.
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Today, however, we seem to have our priorities backwards. Too many people are metaphorically leaving precious babies by the side of the road as they chase after worldly acknowledgment or STUFF instead. Working long hours at high power jobs does provide lots of fine and comfortable things. But at what cost?
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I don’t say this as a rebuke. I am far from being the perfect parent and I have plenty of areas where my own values and behavior could stand some polishing up. I say this as an observer of families and society. I think we need more loving hearts in homes doing the unglamorous work of wiping noses and butts, helping young ones grow up feeling secure and loved than we do shiny things with name brand tags. I think if we can provide some blocks and good books and keep the kid covered up from the elements, that is sufficient. If you have the resources to do more - great, enjoy it. But the whole idea of having to have NEW everything is troubling to me. I think it sets a dangerous pattern. I think we are ALL better off when we share, loan, pass on our stuff - not just because it saves money, but also because it builds community when we collaborate with our material goods rather than compete.
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A recent Time Magazine had a great photo gallery comparing what people from different countries eat - showing families from around the world with a week's worth of food set before them. It would be interesting to do the same sort of thing showing what we each own, wouldn't it?

I recognize that on more than one occasion I've been a bit condescending with judgment toward those who I thought were overly materialistic. Who am I to say what tools or toys can be or should be of value to someone else? Lately I am trying harder to curb that tendency within me, to be more respectful of our differences, to give my sisters some grace. So enjoy that exersaucer and Baby Einstein video. So long as we all remember what is really important - the BABY - not the stuff, it's all good.

To read what others have said on this same topic, go HERE.

So many books, so little time!

I just found the coolest thing! BookCrossing offers a facinating way to share books. Seems like it is some wild hybrid between my geocaching obsession and my love for reading. I guess it's been around for a while, but I've just now found it, thanks to Torchwolf's list of wonderful things

I am totally jazzed to discover this and was amazed to see there are nine different books that have been released in my tiny little town in Oregon!

I am very much looking forward to both catching and releasing some books this summer and seeing where they go.

Just call me Imelda

I have an admission to make. My shoe habit is out of control.

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For quite some time now I have minimized the issue by pointing fingers at those who have far more shoes than I.

For example, Imelda Romuáldez Marcos, former First Lady of the Philippines, had a shoe collection that is world-renowned. After the Marcos family fled the Philippines in 1986, it was discovered that Imelda had left behind 15 mink coats, 508 gowns, 888 handbags and over a thousand pairs of shoes.

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I am not even in the same league. But I must admit, I own way more shoes than any one person needs. For crying out loud, I only have two feet!

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There was a time, many years ago, when I owned ONE pair of boots that I wore all the time. A lot has changed since then. I now have about five different pair of tennis shoes, two pair of hiking boots, at least six different kinds of sandals, snow boots, two or three pair of fancy boots and heaven only knows how many pair of stupid girl shoes in every imaginable color. What was I thinking? HOW did I ever acquire this many shoes???

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I've got shoes I hardly ever wear. I think I own a pair or two that may not even fit right. What are they doing in my closet??This has gotten beyond absurd.

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I am sorting through the pile, getting ready to give away / throw away at least half of what's in there. It's time for the grand purge. It's either that or enter some sort of 12 step program for shoe addicts.

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I blame it on my closets. I have been blessed with not one, not two, but THREE different huge walk in closets in this house. Somehow, over the five years we have lived here, all three closets seem to have gathered lots of STUFF. The one in our bedroom is all clothes and shoes. The one in the guest room has scuba gear, books, luggage, and assorted I'm not even sure what. The one in my office has .... well, I really can't even begin to figure out.

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My inner clutter Nazi has had enough. I'm doing some serious spring cleaning and am in the mood to simplify. So all sorts of things are going to be given away to people I know or donated to a good cause.

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The shoes, however, are a bit of a problem because I have big feet. Not many people I know can wear a size 10 or 11. Everyone in my family has huge hoofers. The one nice thing about big feet is that you can store A LOT of stuff in our family's shoe boxes. (My younger son wears size 15!)

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When I was a young girl I used to get teased about the size of my gun boat shoes. I came home crying and upset one day over some mean spirited ridicule about my feet. My grandmother who was staying with us at the time gave me some great advice about how to handle those sort of rude comments. She said: "If anybody ever says anything about your feet, you look them straight in the eye and tell them - it take s a big strong foundation for a tall beautiful building but an outhouse can stand on anything!" You rock Grandma!

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I'm headed to New Mexico this weekend for a family gathering. I'm taking a couple pair of the fancy girly shoes for my sister. The rest? I'm not sure. Any thoughts?

Life by Design

I'm experimenting with a new blog that will be rather different from this one. If you are curious, you can check it out at Life-by-Design. I will continue to post my usual nonsense here on a sporadic basic. The other one, however, is more where my energies are going these days.

Hiatus

I'm taking a bit of a break from blogdom. I'm rethinking my penchant for public navel gazing. I will revert to private journaling for much of my comings and goings. I'm also considering starting a whole new blog with a more focused direction than the senseless rambling I tend to engage in here. I'm sure I'll continue to add the occassional posting here on mind muffins from time to time. But for now I'd rather spend my disposable time in the garden rather than in front of a computer.

Or curled up with a good book.

Or cuddling with my man.

Or playing dominoes with my pals.

Or taking long walks.

Or ANYTHING else, really.

I'm just done, for now.

I've stepped away before. I always seem to come back, eventually, in one form or another.
Till then...many blessings to all my blogger pals.

Belle

ROAD TRIP

We're off to Utah to visit family for the next several day. I'm not terribly excited about the 15 hour car drive each way. But I am looking forward to getting out of Dodge, and seeing some kin that matter to me.

I used to DREAD trips to my husband's hometown. We did not go often during the first 15 yrs or so of our marriage since we lived in the Midwest back then. But after moving to the west we started making the trek to Utah once or twice a year. Some of those trips were excruciating. Nearly every one had me in tears at some point. But those days are long gone.

As I look back at why it was so uncomfortable for me in years past, and why it is not now, I am amazed by how subtle shifts of perception can make a world of difference.

When I was younger, I wanted so very much to be accepted and approved of by my husband's family. But that felt impossible. I do not quilt. I do not bake bread. I do not ride horses. And except on a few, rare occasion, I do not vote Republican. There seemed to be nothing about me that they would ever value or appreciate. Hungry for their esteem I would try my best to "fit in", but would inevitably stumble. All too often there would be hurt feelings over some remark that make it woefully obvious I would never be the kind of woman, wife, or mother, that fit the cookie cutter mold that tiny Mormon town deemed suitable. Everyone was nice enough toward me. But in far too many cases, I felt tolerated and humored rather than fully welcomed and embraced. I suspect much of that was more in my own head than theirs, but it was how I experienced those visits all the same.

What a difference a few years make.

I still do not quilt or ride horses or bake break. If anything my political views are now MORE different than theirs and my life experiences have taken me far afield from the things that are a part of life in Millard County, Utah. But the differences no longer chafe.

As I've grown up and grown older I've eased into a stronger confidence in my own values and strengths. As I became more comfortable in my own skin, it mattered less whether they liked me or not. Once I let go of hungering so much for their approval, I quit being so over-sensitive over any indication they might not. Now when I go to Utah I no longer try to be anything different from who I am. These days I feel no need to defend or justify my own life choices. I merely go and do the best I can to be open to the experience. Letting go of the old dance of striving to fit in has been incredibly liberating.

In-law relationships are interesting... I love my man. They love my man. He loves all of us. But that does not mean we are going to automatically be comfortable with one another. I've learned over the years to respect and truly appreciate this clan of folks who helped mold my beloved into the kind of guy he is. Some of them I genuinely enjoy being around. Others I am more guarded with. But overall, I honestly can look forward to these visits now.

In many ways I will always be an outsider when we go back there. I remain utterly oblivious to the social nuances in more ways than I can count. Sometimes going to that place brings with it a cultural shift that feels almost like the times I've spent in other countries. But like those times when I've traveled to Fiji, Costa Rica or Egypt, I now have learned to savor the differences and appreciate my time there. So I am excited we get to go and expect we'll have a wonderful time.

Making Peace

I just found this excerpt from On Reason and Passion in The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran:

"Your soul is often times a battlefield, upon which your reason and your judgment wage war against your passion and your appetite. Would that I could be the peacemaker in your soul, that I might turn the discord and the rivalry of your elements into oneness and melody. But how shall I, unless you yourself be also the peacemakers, nay, the lovers of all your elements?"

(as quoted in A Guide to Getting It: Purpose & Passion edited by Marilyn Schwader.)

I've spent many hours giving thought to the discord between mind and emotion, between internal reality and external roles, between authentic self and self shrouded in layers of defense mechanisms....

Through my friendship with those in the Orthodox community I've learned a thing or two about doing battle with one's passions.

Through my Spectrum training I've learned about lowering the waterline, being more authentic, and true to my heart rather than forever trapped in social conditioning and external expectations.

Still - no matter how much I learn or study or ponder, the rift remains between what I know and what I feel, what I believe and what I hope for or desire. Which part should I give the greatest legitimacy?

In my last post I addressed the issue of whether or not any of us can know someone else or fully be known by another. Torchwolf took it a step further by suggesting that we can't even know ourselves 100%, and that all knowing is some form of construction.

What does it mean to "know one's self"?
At what point in introspection a healthy thing and when does it become excessive self absorption?

Just some thoughts I've been toying with of late.

Who Gets You?

I've been reading some stuff by lifecoach Laura Young. One of her pieces that has caused me some serious pondering is her article "Does Anyone Really Understand You?"

I've just wrapped up the unit on gender in my online sociology class. During the 6th week of the course we get thick and heavy into the discussion of whether or not men can ever truly understand women and visa versa.

But as we move into the seventh week, I bring up the question whether or not ANY human being can fully understand another. I don't doubt we can build deep, rich, authentic connections. I have experienced true empathy from both sides of the fence. Still, something deep within me resonates when I read Young's words:

"The truth is, no one else will ever truly know what it is like to be in your shoes. No matter how much they love you. No matter how much you try to explain or get people to see. There is an internal alchemy that happens within each of us that takes all of our experiences, thoughts, feelings, events and life circumstances and cooks them down into our own unique paths and our own philosophies of life. Belief in a Higher Power aside, where humans are concerned, you are the only one on your path. You are the only one who can go where you are going, ultimately."

Early on in this blog, in a post I called "icebergs and intimacy" I wrote about the challenge of navigating the balance between boundaries of privacy and self disclosure.

I think we all hunger to be known.

In the scriptures it says "it is not good that man should be alone..." (Gen 2:18) I believe that is true. We are hard wired from the moment of creation to be social critters, people who make connections with others. Sometimes those connections lift us to wonder and awe. Sometimes they dash our hearts to bits. Still, for most of us, with all their complications and craziness, relationships with people we love are the most significant parts of our lives.

All that being said.... does anyone REALLY know anyone else?

I don't know the answer to that. But this is what I do know for sure: as much as I want people I care about to understand me deeply and to love me back, what feeds my soul the most is my allowing myself to love them. It's not a tit for tat game where I give only so long as the accounts are kept even. There are people in my life I love with wild abandon. Some of those people love me back and connect with me in meaingful ways. Some are clueless about how deeply I care about them. That's ok. I'm going to go right on loving them anyway - even when they are difficult or oblivious or well intentioned yet missing the mark. I don't love them because I'm some great human being. I don't love them because the "deserve" it. (Do any of us?) I love them because it feeds me to love. When I am in a state of genuinely reaching out my heart to others I find more peace than when I am focused on filling up my own cup.

So I will try to understand my husband/neighbor/co-worker as much as I can.

I will take a few more risk with revealing my true heart with some of my friends.

And then I'll give 'em all some grace if they don't REALLY "get" me. We all are just doing the best we can.

You Grow Girl!

My beloved and I have been so immersed in our major landscaping project that we have yet to plant our vegetable garden. It's hard to get excited about tomatoes and beans when I have been focusing on planting the following:

snapdragons, pansies, roses, salvia, petunias, zinnias, gerber daisies, geraniums, marigolds, lillies, pinks, hostas, burning bush, vinca, verbena, foxglove, allysum, clematis and several other things whose names I just don't remember right now.

Every morning before I head out to work I walk around the yard and soak in the beauty of the flowers. It truly restores my soul.

Of course, there's WORK to this project too. We've shoveled 18 cubic yards of bark, moved LOTS of rocks around, and put decorative cement border bricks all along the edging of most the flowerbeds. I have blisters on my calluses and my back hurts.

But it has been great. Finches are coming to my bird feeder and the waterfall/pond is up and running again after a major overhaul.

Yeah, I'll get tomatoes and squash and all that stuff I usually grow going one of these days.

But for now, I'm feeding my spirit instead of my salad bowl.

And now some links just so I'll know where to find them when I need them again!

GARDEN INFO
Where to buy stuff
Handy Garden Tips
Gardening Made Easy
Square Foot Gardening
Upsidedown Tomatoes
Selecting Flowering Trees


POND RESOURCES
Blue Creek Landscape - Ellensburg
Goller Grade & Gravel - Poulsbo
The Pond Store - Sumner
Plous Pack Water Gardens - Washougal
Willamette Waterscapes - Salem
Artscapes by Shawn - Sandy
The Pond Outlet - Los Angeles
Aquascape
Pond Solutions
Pond Maintenance

Sissy Camping

My beloved and I just returned from an excellent weekend at Eagle Cap Chalet. When I went up there recently for work I knew I'd want to return when I had time to play and company to play with. So we loaded up the boat on Friday and off we went. We found 7 geocache in the area, one of which near Marr Pond outside of Enterprise. Larry caught 10 trout in about 45 minutes. (caught all of 'em on a black rooster tail spinner that we had taken from one of the earlier cache finds). That was fun. We grilled steaks, enjoyed some hikes and had a lovely time out on Wallawa Lake. No fish biting in the big lake, but our time at Marr Pond more than made up for that.

All our earlier trips up that way have been spent in a tent at the nearby state park. I like camping, but I must admit I thoroughly enjoyed the charming little cabin we rented at Eagle Cap. There is something about having a fireplace that lights with the push of a button, a comfortable bed, a bathroom and kitchen to make things cozy. Also we both enjoyed the swimming pool / jacuzzi to relax in at the end of the day. I fear our trusty tent may not get much use in future. I could really get used to "sissy camping".

On the way home we stopped in Enterprise to attend church. VERY friendly ward that made us feel most welcome. Although we were complete strangers we never felt that - rather, we were truly included as brother & sister in Christ as we worshipped together. It was a good meeting.

Now we are home, just kicking back, drinking some sparkling cider toasting each other. I have the day off tomorrow too which I'm looking forward to. Life has been way hectic the last couple months. This bit of down time is a much welcome break from the frenzy.

Projects for Peace

Many kudos to students at nearby Whitman College for winning support for their peace proposals from the Kathryn Wasserman Davis 100 Projects for Peace initiative.

Beyond that, hats off to Mrs. Davis herself for choosing this fantastic way of celebrating her 100th birthday. Not everyone has that kind of financial resource to support peace on this grand of a scale.... but I am very impressed by the basic idea behind it. I very much enjoyed the video clips of her talking about her life and how she came to the decision to create this venture.

She didn't start painting until her late 90's. Wow. Go figure. Maybe there's hope for me yet.

Things to do before I die....

Ever since reading Mimi's post I've been mulling over in my mind what my own list of "things to do before I die" might look like.

If you had asked me in my 30's or early 40's I would have had quite a lengthy list. It used to be terribly important to me that I accomplish certain milestones.

But as I approach my half century mark, I find I'm less concerned these days with acquiring or accomplishing or any of that old stuff.

I've written in earlier posts about Stephen Shapiro's work on Goal Free Living. When I first started reading his work I was outraged - it sounded like utter blasphemy to me to give away all my carefully crafted goals. I thought that without goals I'd be reduced to a slug, never accomplishing anything. His views seemed like an utter cop out.

But now that I've read more and thought more, I think I am starting to get it.

It is helpful for me to have a general direction to move in, and to clarify what my values are. But when I lock myself into trying to accomplish very particular goals, then I close myself off from being able to recognize blessings and successes that come in other forms.

So instead of saying I will lose 20 lbs by the end of the year, (who are we kidding, anyway) I now say "I will strive to be more healthy". If I want to lose 20 lbs (without a major amputation) but for one reason or another (such as doughnuts, fried foods or general sloth) I only lose 15 lbs, then I've "Failed" the specific goal. But if what I really want is to be more healthy - every step closer I get becomes a success.

If I say "I want to go to Italy for my 50th birthday" and then at the last minute I chose to go to India or Nepal instead, I would have forfeited my original dream. However, if I say "I want to experience adventures and explore the world" no matter WHERE I go - (well, maybe not Gila Bend) I am in line with my values and appreciating the opportunity.

So this takes me back to my personal mission statment I crafted earlier:

I live with passion, faith and integrity.
I contribute to my family, community and the world.
I honor my own physical, mental, emotional and spiritual needs.
I continually strive for life long learning and personal growth.

As I let go of particular MUST DO lists, I feel lighter, more content. I remain open to all manner of great experiences and opportunities. But I won't be checking any of them off any predetermined list. I'll just wait and let the world surprise me. Is that a cop out? Maybe. But for now, it seems to fit.

Strange World

As I've been looking for information on Italy, planning out what things I would like to see I was getting all dreamy about visiting the Colosseum, seeing the Sistine chapel, and the Vatican museum. It never occured to me I might encounter a GIANT PINK BUNNY. I'm all for unique artistic expression and all that, but this is just plain weird.

And the Winner Is....

For the past few months I've been vacillating between various destinations for a trip to take this October in honor of my 50th birthday. We've considered all sorts of places. We ALMOST booked several different trips (Mexico, Hawaii, New Zealand to name just a few). But for one reason or another, I kept hesitating and changing my mind.

Well, FINALLY, we've narrowed it down. We are going to Italy. (Check hotlink for potential itinerary). Or look HERE for very cool pictures.

Any of you guys ever been there? I'm wide open for suggestions of what to see or do or while we are there.

I'm very much looking forward to planning this trip as I usually do lots of reading and research ahead of time before we go anyplace. Should be fun.

Kelly, you can count on some pie pictures from Rome, ok?