Doubting Thomas

I've been giving a lot of thought to a blog post about the apostle Thomas, written by my dear friend Papa Herman, over at In the Process of Weeding Out.

Herman is a member of the Eastern Orthodox church, belonging to the parish at St. Silouan in Walla Walla. In their faith they celebrate Great Lent, Pascha and Holy Week. These are rituals that my own faith does not observe. While we do acknowledge and celebrate the resurrection of Christ, we do not have anything even remotely close to the level of ceremony observed by my Orthodox friends.

I've really appreciated the way I learn from their practices, and how it makes me examine my own beliefs at entirely new levels.

In Orthodoxy, this past Sunday (the first sabbath after Holy Week) is known as St. Thomas Sunday.

The familiar expression "Doubting Thomas" is based on the story of how this apostle of Jesus Christ refused to believe in the resurrection until he had seen evidence of it with his own eyes.

The other disciples therefore said to him, “We have seen the Lord.” So he said to them, “Unless I see in His hands the print of the nails, and put my finger into the print of the nails, and put my hand into His side, I will not believe.” John 20:25

On St. Thomas Sunday there are special readings and songs about this good man and teachings about what we can learn from him. According to the website for St. Nicholas Russian Orthodox Church (in the Dallas, TX area) "The church characterizes St. Thomas' unbelief as "good", because it led to a greater manifestation of the reality of Christ's resurrection in the flesh:"

Herman's blogpost raised the question about when is it a positive thing to express our doubts and uncertainties...giving an opportunity to further growth and when is it a dangerous thing, potentially undermining not only our own testimonies but also those of others?

I HAVE seen cases where people have continually questioned the wisdom of various statements or policies of church leaders and that has led to increasing criticism and eventual apostasy. But in reality, don't we ALL have some doubts and uncertainties? When and how should we be open about those places in our beliefs that we are just not quite so sure? I am reminded of the song "Doubting Thomas" by Nickle Creek that says: "Can I be used to help other's find truth when I'm scared I'll find proof that it's a lie?"

For me, when it comes to matters of faith and how we approach our uncertainties, I think the key is in the attitude with which we express our doubts. If we say "I don't understand this principle and I would like to learn more" that is way different from saying "I don't believe this is true". The former path invites greater dialogue and allows room for the Holy Spirit to witness. The latter closes doors and fosters further turning away.

I try to hold on to the words of 2 Nephi 22: 2 that say:
"Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid; for the Lord Jehovah is my strength and my song; he also has become my salvation."

But, like Thomas the apostle, too often there are things I want to believe in 100% that I just don't yet feel completely sure about.

When those times come, perhaps I can learn to explore and lean into my uncertainty with a searching spirit of trust in understanding yet to come rather than feel it a source of failure. For really, the more I think about it, it's those areas where I once felt weak and unsure and then over time developed greater understanding that are most sweet.

I really do believe the scripture in Ether 12:27 that says: "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."

What's your worst bad hair day memory?

I need a hair cut. Bad. AND my grey roots are showing. So it's time for me to hit the salon. I have just one problem. FEAR.

Last time I went to get my hair done I had the worst salon experience of my life. The woman who has done my hair for quite some time left the business due to some health complications. So, I was forced to try out someone new. BIG MISTAKE.

Can you say orange clown hair?

It was bad. Not just the color, but also the way my stylist responded to the atrocity on my head was not helpful.

Usually my hair is sorta medium brown with some blond highlights. I was getting bored with it. So I told her I wanted just A LITTLE BIT of red mixed in. I made it VERY CLEAR that I did not want red hair. I just wanted the same basic color with a BIT of red mixed in to jazz it up a little. I also said that I did not want burgundy or any fake looking color. I wanted hair that looked like it might actually occur in nature.

So putting my full trust in her skills with chemical concoctions I blissfully zoned out while she mixed up some gook that was painted onto my head, first left to do it's magic just on the roots and then later pulled through on strands all over my head. Then to keep it fun I had a handful of foil highlights added in.

Everything was copacetic, right?

WRONG.

When I finally hit the shampoo bowl the catastrophe was unmasked.

I had about a 2 inch wide STRIPE of orange clown hair color where she had painted my roots and the rest of it was a mousy brown. IT WAS BAD.

She took one look at me and said "Well, I wonder why it did that?" HUH???

When I got to the mirror I freaked. There was no stinking way I was walking out the door looking like that. FIX THIS I insisted. So she put something else on. It did NOT tone down the orange clown hair but did make the rest of my hair look worse. After that I was in tears. Finally the owner of the salon came out with a broad smile chattering something about how this was a wonderful "teaching opportunity" for her new stylist. And I got my hair dyed a THIRD TIME to rectify the mess that had been made. By the time all was said and done it actually came out ok (after over three hours at the salon blowing my whole morning and way too much chemical processing...ugh!)

You can bet your bottom dollar I will NOT be going to that salon again.

But the problem is, now I'm chicken to go anywhere else. I really need to get my hair done. I have walked into and walked out of two different places. I have made and cancelled appointments. I just don't feel any trust about letting someone new put their hands on my hair. SHUDDER!

I've got to bite the bullet and take a leap of faith. I know this. Still, it makes me really nervous now to even think about what may happen next time I'm in the chair.

That got me to thinking about how we can sometimes let fear hold us back from taking steps that are necessary in other areas of our lives. Clearly, a lot of things require a certain amount of risk. We would never learn a new skill or take a chance on love if we were not willing to reach out into the unknown at some point.

I have a card someone gave me back in my college days that says: "The most unfortunate thing that happens to a person who fears failure is that he limits himself by becoming afraid to try anything new. GIVE YOURSELF A CHANCE."

Especially for someone who has had their heart broken, had a business fail, a dream crushed or any kind of major disappointment in life it can feel incredibly dangerous to put yourself back into the line of fire again. But there is one thing I absolutely know for sure. Success in life is not about how many times or how far you fall. It's about how consistently we are willing to get back up.

I'm getting my hair done. And I'm going to take a few chances in some other things.
If things don't work out right away the way I might like them too, I'll just go right on trying.

I'm going to hold onto the words of my hero Thomas Edison who said "Many of life's failures are experienced by people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up."

Life can turn on a dime...

Earlier today I found out that I did NOT get the job I had been expecting in Alaska.
Oddly enough, despite how much I had been looking forward to heading north to Moose Land, I have felt a complete calm and peace about this.

I posted the news on my Facebook page earlier. As a result, I have had several people writing me messages giving me condolences for having missed out on the job I was so sure I had.

But you know, I just don't feel badly about it. YES, I wanted to move to Alaska and am a little baffled because the President of the college essentially had told me I had it. But apparently she got trumped by the corporate CEO. For whatever reason, things have shifted.

But here is the interesting part. The same day I found out I did not get the job, I also got a call from my son in Michigan telling me my 13 yr old grandson was needing emergency surgery on his heart. (He has had heart problems for some time so it is not totally unexpected, however complications arose just in the last week requiring the doctors to act FAST.) He came through the surgery just fine and by all accounts he will be ok. Still, I'm feeling a STRONG prompting that we need to be more available to our family.

Then tonight I opened up my scriptures at random as I often do. The first passage I turned to in the Doctrine and Covenants was this:

"And now, verily I say unto you, that it is not expedient that you should go until your children are provided for, and sent up kindly unto the bishop of Zion. And after a few years, if thou desirest of me, thou mayest go up also unto the goodly land, to possess thine inheritance." (D & C 99:6-7)

Uh, yeah. It seems really, REALLY clear to me that Heavenly Father is not saying NO, he is saying "Not Yet". I trust His timetable.

I do not know if this means we will head back to Michigan to be close to the grand kids or if it means we will stay here or if it means back to Boise or what. But clearly, it seems Alaska is on hold.

Living in Limbo like this is sorta discombobulating. I really want to know where we will land. But I am learning more every single day to "Trust in the Lord with they heart and lean not unto thine own understanding." (Proverbs 3:5)

Christ is Risen!

***

Happy Easter Everyone!

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.


Because Jesus died for us and was resurrected, everyone who has ever lived on the earth will be resurrected: "But now is Christ risen from the dead, and become the firstfruits of them that slept. For since by man came death, by man came also the resurrection of the dead. For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ shall all be made alive".


(Lesson 239 - The Resurrected Christ)
John 3:16; John 8:12; John 11:25; John 14:6; 1 Corinthians 15:2022

This Easter day I am deeply grateful for the profound gifts of the atonement and the resurrection.

Preparing for Lent

Next month will begin the season of Lent for my Orthodox friends. This will be the fourth Lent that I have observed in my own modified way.

I am not Orthodox. My faith does not recognize Lent in any formal fashion. Still, I have found that each year as I spend that sacred 40 days in increased prayer and pondering, fasting, and personal discipline my spiritual walk is enriched and my life is blessed.

My faith does not have liturgy and is very minimal in ritual. We do not repeat prescribed prayers. In most cases, I am grateful for the freedom of the "from the heart" conversation sort of prayers I have with God. Still, I find there is comfort in reflecting on the words of some of the set prayers that my Orthodox brothers and sisters wrap their souls around.

For example, the Prayer of Saint Ephraim... One translation of it is:

O Lord and master of my life!
Do not give me the spirit of discouragement and slothfulness,
of ambition and vain talk!
Instead, give me the spirit of prudence and humility,
of patience and charity.
Yes, my king and Lord, let me look at my own sins
and refrain from judging others:
For you are bless'd unto ages of ages, amen.

I can be blessed by soaking in those words.

I will not observe the feasts and fasts in the same way as my Orthodox pals. But my hope is that I WILL be able to use this upcoming 40 days for some focused, dedicated reflection of spirit so that I might come out closer to God when we get to holy Pascha, when I can truly celebrate with them in calling out Christ is Risen!

I have a deep and peaceful testimony of the teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I believe to the core of my being that the story of the First Vision is TRUE, not just some made up tale. I believe in a God with a very real physical presence, a God I can hug. I believe in Jesus Christ as a separate being, also physical - united with the Father in sacred purpose but a distinct separate individual member of the Godhead. I believe in the Holy Ghost as a distinct personage without a corporeal body.

Because of what I believe - denying the Nicene Creed of trinity - most other churches judge me to not be Christian. So be it. I know what I know.

But I also know that somehow my association with friends of OTHER faiths has helped me better understand and more strongly believe in my own.

So I am preparing for Lent...hoping to approach in with as much sincere humility, repentance and faith as this weak sinner girl can.

I will hold strong to prayer. I will fast in my own way. I will study. I will reach for ways to overcome the "natural man" passions and be renewed. I will try with all my might to lay aside my prideful nature of wanting to control my own fate and practice spiritual surrender.

Lent, for me, is a very private thing between me and my God. Sometimes I wish I had others I could turn to for sharing the insights, the struggles, the epiphanies that come along the way. I don't have the support system of a congregation sharing a similar journey. I can't truly share with my Orthodox role models, because for them it is a very different sort of experience than what I embark on. So I go my own way as best as I can and try to make meaning of it according to the belief system that I have embraced.

Perhaps that solitude of journey is why I have always related so much to St. Mary of Egypt...who spent all those years alone in the desert. I prepare to cross over into my own desert to confront my passions, to submit my soul. I know from past years there will be times of tremendous heartache and times of mind bending joy as I glimpse even a fraction of the Love the Savior has for me.

My greatest challenge is reconciling my sense of unworthiness with the knowledge that God is real and does know me, and loves me still.

There is so very much I do not understand. Each year as my walk through Lent comes I find that more to be true. Still, each year that comes, I learn that striving to open up my spirit to the questions blesses me, even when the answers do not readily come. So I prepare to begin again...

God Bless Carla

I had a great conversation on the phone with my oldest son last night. He was telling me about his two year old learning how to pray. Little Bennett has learned the concept of being thankful. So in his prayers one night as he knelt before his bed with closed eyes and folded hands he said:

"Dear Heavenly Father, thankful for the cow's moo, thankful for the pig's oink, thankful for the donkey's hee-haw, thankful for the duck's quack...." and on and on and on till he listed ever animal he knew. He was utterly sincere. He loves animals. He was truly thankful for their sounds.

Which of course reminded me of my own son's prayers as a little boy. I recalled to him the time when he was in first grade, back when we lived in Phoenix when he prayed: "Dear God, thank you for this day. But next time could you make it not be quite so hot? Cause today my eyeballs about melted and rolled right out of my head! But it was still a good day, so thanks anyway."

There is something incredibly endearing about a child's heartfelt prayers. As we mature we learn what is "appropriate" to say when addressing deity. But little kids can approach God with such trusting innocence to fully express whatever is in their heart.

My son also told me a prayer story I had not been aware of. When we moved to Ohio in 1982 it took us clear across the country from my husband's children from his first marriage. It was a very difficult separation, but one we managed as best as we could. Every single day in our family prayers we included the phrase "please bless the kids in Arizona..." and in our private, individual prayers my beloved and I poured out out hearts with entreaties to the Lord for each of his kids' individual needs.

But to my son who was six years old at the time the reality of WHO we were praying for wasn't very clear. He thought that because we were from Arizona we had a sense of loyalty and concern for ALL THE CHILDREN in Arizona. So whenever we said "please bless the kids in Arizona" he interpreted that in the global sense. In most respects he was fine with that. Except there had been this one girl named Carla in his first grade class who had been rather snotty and mean to him. He did not like Carla one bit. He didn't mind blessing all the other kids in Arizona. But he had not yet learned the concept of praying for one's enemies. He had no intention of blessing Carla too. So every time we said that in our family prayers, silently in his mind he would say "but not Carla, she's mean so don't bless her!"

It was only some time later that he figured out that while we do have a general sense of concern for all people, our family prayers were focused very specifically on my husband's four kids. After that he was far more comfortable giving his full support to the phrase in every family prayer.

In our phone conversation we laughed about this and went on to share more stories of his son's antics and compare them to things I remembered from his own growing up years. But through it all I kept thinking of Carla, and wondering if I hold back any of my own wish for blessings of others based on negative experiences I've had with them.

When I pray for the people I know, am I able to also ask God to bless the person who cut me off in traffic, someone who took credit for my work, or someone who deliberately took advantage of my trust in a dishonest way? Can I honestly ask God to bless and protect those whose behavior or beliefs are totally counter to everything I value? That's not something I've given much thought to before. But perhaps it's something I can work on.

Prayer is an interesting thing. I have had MANY experiences where I have felt my prayers were heard and answered, some in powerfully dramatic ways. Yet I don't even begin to understand the extent to which God may or may not change outcomes or manipulate events based on what we ask for in faithful prayer. Part of me believes I need to use prayer to align my will with whatever God intends rather than asking for specific blessing XYZ. God knows my needs and my desires, so I don't really understand the role my asking for this or that has in the big equation of how the world is run. Yet I ask all the time.

Over at the LDS blog I contribute to, Waters of Mormon, The Baron has started an interesting discussion under the heading of Destiny and Divine Micromanagement that has led to much pondering on whether God has a set plan that will unfold in the world in a pre-established way or if coming events are subject to change depending on what we ask for and how we live our lives.

Whatever the case, I am so pleased my youngest grandchild is learning about being thankful and learning how to pray. Through his example perhaps I can be more sincere in my own expressions of gratitude. And where ever she is, God, please bless Carla. We all need your grace and love.

New Group Blog

I am going to be one of the contributing writers over at a new group blog called Waters of Mormon. It's a brand new blog that is just getting started as a collaboration between an interesting mix of folks from across the country.

If you are LDS, or just curious about what LDS people are saying on a variety of topics, I invite you to go check us out.

Of course, I will continue my usual inane musings here on things of a more secular nature. For me, the new blog will take the place of My Small Plates. It makes sense to me to write my more private spiritual thoughts in my personal journals rather than a blog, and then have the things that I am open to discussion on in a forum where I can get more interaction.

It's certainly not limited to LDS readers, but will deal primarily with issues of both doctrine & culture of the LDS people so I expect those to be our chief audience.

Still... I continue to read Orthodox stuff all the time and dearly love my Orthodox pals. Learning about the observation of Lent and Pascha, or other fasts and feasts from and Orthodox point of view has deeply enriched my understanding of Christianity. It has not altered my concept of who God is or what my relationship to Him is. But it has shifted my prayer life somewhat. While I remain strong in my own faith, I have been deeply blessed by my exposure to Orthodoxy.

Also I read other things, such as Deb Pasquella's blog Let Me Go On and On! which has an entirely different view of what is or is not a moral life that what my faith teaches. I do not have to agree with all her views for me to appreciate her gift with words or to appreciate the common bond we have as smart women with faith in Christ.

Being willing to explore other people's views rather than only looking at my own church's teachings has given me greater clarity about a myriad of things pertaining to faith. So who knows? Perhaps occasionally people not of my faith will drop by to peruse the Waters of Mormon too and that's fine. Everyone is welcome.

I guess what I like best about this whole blogging world is that it gives people who have something in common a chance to come together to talk about things that are meaningful to them, yet it also gives me a window into worlds I might not otherwise know much about. Every now and then I say I am going to take a break from blogging because my real life gets so full. Still, I think sampling both sides of that spectrum is what keeps me coming back.

Stained Glass Masquerade

This is a VERY powerful song....Stained Glass Masquerade.

More to follow; For now I've got to get myself ready for church, and to try to be there present to the worship, to myself, to others with as much authenticty as I can muster the courage for. Maybe I'll have more to say on this later.

Redemption

CHRIST IS RISEN!

I love bright week. After the long turmoil of Lent, to glory in the resurrection of the Savior is such a precious gift.

And yet...there is also a bit of a let down. My spirit senses the absence of the intense reflection and repentance I usually focus on during Lent.

Beyond that, Bright Week is a time when I come to terms with my doubts and ambivalence about my own redemption. This is the time more than ever when I question my worthiness, sometimes my worth, as I confront head on the Glory of the Atonement and recognize how very far I fall short.

In my last post I spoke of physical scars and how they remind me of pains from the past. During Bright Week I am more likely to ponder the emotional / spiritual scars that no one will see but me. However, like the physical marks on my body - these scars remain bearing witness to past problems, and in some ways continue to offer up a stern rebuke in my mind regarding the seriousness of my sins.

We are told in the scriptures that once a person truly repents that God will remember those sins no more. I mostly believe that. I WANT to believe that. Unfortunately, I still remember those sins and some of them I continue to mourn.

Worse than feeling bad about past mistakes is recognizing the weaknesses and frailties I STILL have. I no longer am caught up in the ugly world of substance abuse. I've been clean for over 25 years. Still, there are shadow remnants of those old cravings that these days translate into new struggles. I have learned to PHYSICALLY live the law of chastity. I am as monogamous as a goose. But my thoughts are still all too often unvirtuous. My desires are not always what I would want my Savior to see. I wrestle mightily with pride, with gluttony, with selfishness, with sloth. I worry over whether I am fully honest. I question my own integrity.

I GET IT that the Lord died for my sins and then rose again. What I agonize over is that even though I know that and trust that, I CONTINUE to fall in so many ways, repeatedly missing the mark His teachings and example have set for me.

I feel so unworthy of His sacrifice and love some days. This is not just some fleeting feeling. I AM unworthy. I know that. God does not love me because I deserve it. God loves me because He is God and that is the nature of His existance. That is something I will never fully comprehend.

There are days when I am filled with personal recrimination for my sinning nature. There are times I can't help but wonder, why would the Son of God choose to love the likes me? Then I kick myself in the rear and remind myself that any time I fall into the trap of that sort of thinking I am playing right into the adversary's hand. Lucifer WANTS me to feel discouraged, lonely, overwhelmed, unworthy. The father of all lies wins every time I believe I am so bad I cannot be saved. So he worms and wiggles his way into my consciousness pulling out the stops, pushing every button of self doubt I've got.

GET LOST SATAN! Get thee hence. Because I know better. I know that God Lives. I know that Jesus is the Christ. I know that no matter how weak I am, no matter how great my sins, I AM made clean through the atoning blood of the Savior. I know that I am loved beyond comprehension by a God that knows my every flaw and failing, yet somehow treasures me still. I know that I will continue to wrestle with my doubts and weaknesses all my mortal days. But I will not give up the fight to that nasty devil. I will keep falling. But I will also keep GETTING BACK UP.

"We believe that through the atonement of Christ all mankind may be saved through obedience to the laws and principles of the Gospel." That means me too.

Though my sins be as scarlet... redemption has my name on it as well.

CHRIST IS RISEN. What a priceless gift.

Pascha Cookies

I recently added some new cookie cutters to my collection. I got a pig, a llama, a hand with a heart in it, and a Russian Orthodox cross. With Pascha coming up, I thought I'd make a batch of cookies to drop off for the celebration feast my friends will be having. However, as I look at this lovely little tool I got to wondering. Why do most other Christians focus so much upon the cross as a Holy symbol of faith?

My own faith does not use crosses of any kind. They do not appear on our churches, our books, our artwork, and typically are not worn as jewelry. To us, crosses are a symbol of Christ's death and we prefer to focus on the fact that He lives.

Christ's sacrifice on Calvary was critical. But it was what He did at Gethsemane that means ever so much more.

I've sometimes wondered if He had been born and died at a different time and place would Christ's death cause any instrument to be viewed as holy? If he had been shot by a firing squad would there be golden guns atop churches or if by gas chamber would there be little icons of that on chains about people's necks? I don't say this to be blasphemous or disrespectful to what others hold to be Holy. I sincerely wonder. Why is it the cross that so many Christians focus on? Thousands of people died by crucifixion. Jesus Christ did not. YES, he suffered tremendous anguish hanging on that tree for all of us. But He was not murdered. He gave up the ghost willingly. To me, the cross was an implement of torture, but it was no more holy than the post he was tied to earlier when he was beaten and scourged with a whip.

I will continue to be as respectful as possible of the things others hold to be sacred - whether it be crosses or icons or some other thing.

However, the thing that matters most to me is not the manner in which Christ died...what captures my heart and soul is that he CHOSE to endure the humiliation and agony of all he went through even though He KNEW how many of us would ignore His teachings. Despite the fact He KNEW how many of us would live self indulgent lives completely disregarding His atonement and love, Christ still cared enough to suffer beyond comprehension to break the bands of death. That is so incomprehensible to me.

Throughout this long Lenten season I've been giving thought to issues of repentance and religiosity and trying to make sense of where it fits in my own heart. Some say if you accept Christ as your personal savior that's all one needs to do. Others invoke long lists of do this and don't do that commandments which must be obeyed to the letter in order to live in the presence of God. I fall somewhere in the middle. I believe there is NOTHING I can do to "earn" my way into Heaven. I am not capable of it, no matter how "righteous" I might discipline my life to be. Still, I hold firm to the scripture that says: "if ye love me, keep my commandments." I DO think that once I have accepted the deity of Christ I am bound to do my very best to follow His example, the whole while acknowledging my state as a sinner who is lost without His grace.

The thing that I keep coming back to is that we are weak, imperfect and prone to passions BY DESIGN. Our susceptibility to temptation is no mistake. It is the nature of our creation. Had God wanted to create beings made of different character, I believe He well could have. Yet He did not. He deliberately created us as we are. Soft. Vulnerable. Subject to all manner of mayhem. I often wonder about that.

God is the ruler of the universe, the elements, and of every single thing in the material world. There's just one thing that He does not control: our will. He gave us that as a precious gift to do with as we choose. We can turn our hearts to Christ or our back to Him. That is up to us. He will invite. But He will NEVER coerce us to do His bidding. We each choose every minute of every day whether we will listen to the sweet whisperings of the Holy Spirit or the clamour of the material world. We choose.

Yet I'm coming to realize more and more that it is NOT in church services that I predominately make this decision. It is in how I treat my next door neighbor or my obnoxious relative or the homeless person on the street. Those are the moments when I really choose. I rely on the sacred sacrament to serve as a symbol of my renewed covenants with my creator. But it is between times that I show whether I really meant it or not when I said "Amen" at then end of the prayers blessing the bread and water that symbolize His body and blood.

As we approach Easter Sunday / Pascha I am trying with all my might to make sense of where I am personally in my own understanding of the nature of God and my relationship to Him. I am trying to quiet the clamour and din of the large and spacious building of the world that attempts to seduce us all with physical pleasure, worldly esteem, and "success" in the eyes of men. I am trying to go quiet inside to remember who I am as a child of God and to make sense of whatever plan it is He has for me. I am trying to learn to recognize more consistently the promptings of the Holy Spirit and be able to separate those feelings out from my own desires.

I may not have any crosses in my house other than the one in my cookie cutter jar. But I still know that the events that happened all those years ago on a cross at Calvary were real and that the importance carries on to this day.

It's been a long lent. I hunger for the rejoicing of "Christ is Risen." Yet I don't want to rush it either. These last few days...I still have things to learn and to experience.

I'll think of that as I bake and decorate the cookies. I'll think of that as I kneel in prayer. I'll think of that as I re-listen to conference talks over the Internet (LOVED the parable of the pickle!) I'll think of that as I have choices to make in how I treat my neighbor (and my neighbor's barky dog) and my relatives, family and friends.

There is so much about this journey to salvation that I do not understand. My whole heart resonates with the scripture that says:

"Believe in God; believe that he is, and that he created all things, both in heaven and in earth; believe that he has all wisdom, and all power, both in heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend. " (Mosiah 4:9)

Yeah, that pretty much sums it up for me.

EGYPT

I have a few different scattered postings about my trip to Egypt in November 2006.
Most were on this blog, but I'd left a few on my earlier blog effort, Apprentice Human. I decided I wanted to gather those over here as well so I could keep all my Egypt stuff together in one spot. It was such an amazing adventure, I don't ever want to forget.


Back in the USA
Choosing the Sacred
The Miracle of Manna