I Need a Sorting Hat

My interview this morning seemed to go very well. It will be a week or so till they make a decision. But as of this moment, I'm thinking that if they do offer me the position I probably won't take it. That might change. But really, I'm feeling like that sort of job for that sort of pay at this particular time in my life would not be the right fit.

There are parts of it that really appeal to me. But when I look at the whole package of the energy I would be around, what the demands would be, what support I would have... I am thinking not. Actually I would REALLY like to work for that organization...but not necessarily in that particular role. So maybe this interview will open doors and lay groundwork for DIFFERENT opportunities down the road. Or not. But for now, I'm still looking for that just right job.

I don't want to be unrealistically picky. I get it that ANY job is going to have things that I appreciate and thing that I don't care for. Still, I am in a position that I can make some choices and distinctions. So I'm continuing to look at other options.

I heard today about another job in Walla Walla that might be right up my ally. So I fired off a resume for that. I'm in the process of moving to a different house which would put me 30 miles away from WW which is not a commute I would favor, but it is doable for the right job.

Sometimes I wish I has a sorting hat. In the Harry Potter Books/Movies they have a hat that sorts students into what house they belong in. The hat "magically determines to which of the four schoolhouses - Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw or Slytherin - each new student is to be assigned. During the opening banquet at the beginning of the school year, the hat is placed on every First-Year student’s head. The hat will announce its choice aloud, and the student joins the selected house." (Wikipedia)

But poor little me, I'm all on my own here figuring out what I'm gonna be when I grow up, where I will fit, or what it means to belong here or there.

I'm sure God already knows, has the whole scheme figured out. But He hasn't chosen to share any of that grand plan with me. So, for now, I'm just along for the ride.

I feel like I've got all these different puzzle pieces on a table that I'm trying to put together, but no one has shown me the picture of how it is supposed to turn out. I've been led/guided to a variety of different sorts of work and life experiences. It clearly feels as if I've been PREPARED for something...but I haven't a clue what. So I just keep putting one foot in front of the other, trying to learn how to be comfortable in my own skin no matter what sort of work I do or don't do. My job is not who I am. I am learning more all the time about how to pay attention to far more key questions of who I am and how I want to be regardless of what I do for a living.

Today when I went to the interview I made a very conscious decision NOT to try to impress them but to just come across as authentically ME as possible and then let them decide if that was the right fit or not. I just let myself be present in the moment and trusted that it would turn out however it needed to. And that in itself was a good thing for me to see. That state of being that I was able to present during the hour I sat in that office is something I want to experience more of, no matter what job I take on next.

PRIORITIES

I have a framed picture that shows a little blond headed boy standing next to a lake, along with a quote that reads: "A hundred years from now it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove...but the world may be different because I was important in the life of a child."

On Thursday I have a second interview for the therapist position I applied for with a local agency serving seriously emotionally damaged / mentally ill children and their families. IF I get this job I will give up $10K a year and half my current vacation. Not to mention I would be taking on a hot bed of potential burn out. Not surprisingly, I've had a couple different people I know well challenge me on why I would even consider such a job. It's hard to explain. But it just FEELS right.

I've been the grand poobah boss at my current position since February. Clearly I have the skill sets to do it well. But I don't want to do it anymore. I was also an executive director at a different organization where I worked previously. Because I believed in the mission of that agency and respected the boss that I had very much, I stayed with that one for almost three years. I absolutely know how to lead and administer and all that stuff. And I have enjoyed the perks that come with being in charge.

But I'm oh so ready to turn in my boss button and make the shift over to focusing on an entirely different sort of work. I did mental health related work all the way through my undergrad program and genuinely enjoyed being part of a multi-disciplinary treatment team, even when the day-to-day dealing with clients could be fraught with stress and conflict. I believe I have something to contribute that is uniquely my own.

ANY smart, ambitious person could balance the budget, go to the meetings, and complete the reports required for my current role. It doesn't feel like it matters that it is me holding the reins. But I do believe that the sense and experience I would bring to healing interactions with troubled kids and their often fractured families would be blessed in some key ways because it was me in the mix. I don't say that out of vanity. I just mean that I have a deep respect for the human element of healing work and every relationship has its own magic. I want to share some of mine.

So I'll go do this second interview and see if this particular agency at this particular time is the right fit. I will remind myself that if I do not get the job (or if for any reason I see some red flags that convince me to turn it down if offered) that sooner or later I will find a job that suits my needs and my core values. But something I've come to recognize more and more over the last few months is that I need way more than a fat paycheck to be happy with a job. Earning money is a good and necessary thing. I've very much appreciated the international travel and other things my current income level has allowed. But at the end of the day I don't think it will matter how many shiny things I own or whether I had another exotic vacation. I want very much to have made a difference during the time I was on this planet. I think this job would allow me to accomplish that in a meaningful way. So I'll give it my best shot and see how it all unfolds.

Cross your fingers and say a prayer everyone. I think this one could be the one.

Home Turf

These past few days of tromping all over Arizona have been a revelation for me. I moved away from the Southwest in 1981 and pretty much never looked back. I have loved the Pacific northwest and never really thought I'd want to leave it. However, there is no denying there is a deep connection in my spirit to this arid land. It is very different from the lush green and deep woods I have savored other places. But Arizona definitely has a rich beauty all it's own.

My man and I have been having some long, serious talks about the possibility of us moving back here permanently. It may take a year or more to get all the pieces in place to make that a reality. But I strongly suspect it is the direction we will go.

Who'd have thunk it?

If we stay living where we are now we would have lots more money (keeping husband's job as well as my own.) If we move, it is highly unlikely that at age 62 my husband will be getting another professional job. But if the only thing that mattered was money, we'd all be drug dealers. Our needs are fairly simple. He supported me for a good many years while I was raising our boys. There is no reason I can't be the breadwinner for the next 15 years.

Hard to say what the future will hold. But we are talking a lot about what it means to craft a life, not just earn a living. We're talking about where we want to be as we age and what we want those years to be like. A lot will depend on where I can get a good job. But the ones I'm looking at now are southward. So we'll just throw the possibility out to the Universe, and see what unfolds.

Gigabites Are A Girl's Best Friend

Marilyn Monroe may have thought that Diamonds were a girl's best friend, but I just don't buy it.

For my recent birthday my husband wanted to buy me a gorgeous set of diamond stud earrings. The were pretty. Sparkly bling bling is a nice thing, I suppose. But I really didn't want them.

So I struggled with the ethical dilemma of just graciously accepting the pricey gift from my man to make him feel good or coming out and telling him "please don't." I opted for the latter. I explained that I really did appreciate his thoughtfulness and wanting to do something nice for me. But I did not want diamonds. What I REALLY wanted was a new portable hard drive.

He was baffled by my priorities. But thankfully he did not get offended that I was not interested in what HE thought would be a great gift. He went right out to Circuit City and got me a new
Seagate 250GB external hard drive. It just plugs in to the USB port and GOES. Now I can put all my photos and important documents in ONE place instead of having them saved to various disks and CD's, and I can EASILY transfer any file I have to any other computer by plugging in to a USB. I can preserve not only the programs that are on my home PC, but the appearance of my desk top to take with me to do work where ever I may find myself. Yeah, this is a good thing. Sparkles are nice. But I'll take extra Gigabites any day.