Thursday, June 19, 2008

I Need a Sorting Hat

My interview this morning seemed to go very well. It will be a week or so till they make a decision. But as of this moment, I'm thinking that if they do offer me the position I probably won't take it. That might change. But really, I'm feeling like that sort of job for that sort of pay at this particular time in my life would not be the right fit.

There are parts of it that really appeal to me. But when I look at the whole package of the energy I would be around, what the demands would be, what support I would have... I am thinking not. Actually I would REALLY like to work for that organization...but not necessarily in that particular role. So maybe this interview will open doors and lay groundwork for DIFFERENT opportunities down the road. Or not. But for now, I'm still looking for that just right job.

I don't want to be unrealistically picky. I get it that ANY job is going to have things that I appreciate and thing that I don't care for. Still, I am in a position that I can make some choices and distinctions. So I'm continuing to look at other options.

I heard today about another job in Walla Walla that might be right up my ally. So I fired off a resume for that. I'm in the process of moving to a different house which would put me 30 miles away from WW which is not a commute I would favor, but it is doable for the right job.

Sometimes I wish I has a sorting hat. In the Harry Potter Books/Movies they have a hat that sorts students into what house they belong in. The hat "magically determines to which of the four schoolhouses - Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw or Slytherin - each new student is to be assigned. During the opening banquet at the beginning of the school year, the hat is placed on every First-Year student’s head. The hat will announce its choice aloud, and the student joins the selected house." (Wikipedia)

But poor little me, I'm all on my own here figuring out what I'm gonna be when I grow up, where I will fit, or what it means to belong here or there.

I'm sure God already knows, has the whole scheme figured out. But He hasn't chosen to share any of that grand plan with me. So, for now, I'm just along for the ride.

I feel like I've got all these different puzzle pieces on a table that I'm trying to put together, but no one has shown me the picture of how it is supposed to turn out. I've been led/guided to a variety of different sorts of work and life experiences. It clearly feels as if I've been PREPARED for something...but I haven't a clue what. So I just keep putting one foot in front of the other, trying to learn how to be comfortable in my own skin no matter what sort of work I do or don't do. My job is not who I am. I am learning more all the time about how to pay attention to far more key questions of who I am and how I want to be regardless of what I do for a living.

Today when I went to the interview I made a very conscious decision NOT to try to impress them but to just come across as authentically ME as possible and then let them decide if that was the right fit or not. I just let myself be present in the moment and trusted that it would turn out however it needed to. And that in itself was a good thing for me to see. That state of being that I was able to present during the hour I sat in that office is something I want to experience more of, no matter what job I take on next.


Jen said...

Oh man! I'm sorry it doesn't feel like its the right thing.

So many of the things you wrote in this post, I can totally relate to. I posted a few weeks ago about a sorting hat. I would really really like to know, or at least to be pointed in the right direction.

I hope you find yours too!

Belladonna said...

Thanks so much for your support Jen. But ya know, I am oddly at peace with this. I'm honestly and truly not disappointed or frustrated in the slightest. I just have this absolute quiet sense of confirmation that the RIGHT thing IS out there and will present it in due time...not according to MY schedule necessarily, but God know's what's up. So I'm learning to TRUST and let go and not have to be in control all the time. All good lessons for me.

Mimi said...

I am so glad you are at peace, but sorry to hear that it doesn't seem right. Gah!


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