Purt Near

Well, after sending off that last post I noticed a misspelling and was going to go back in and fix it...but what the heck. I'll leave it this time.

I am reminded of a passage from the book "Mother of Pearl" by Melinda Haynes. The father in the story had built a house that was somewhat unlevel because he did the whole thing simply by estimating on sight: "It was two inches lower than the rest of the house with a slight lean toward the back because he believed more in 'eyeballin" a thing than proper measuring. Being Methodist he thought a house 'truly plumbed' was an abomination in the eyes of God."

When his daughter questioned him about this he said: "Perfection's for God, Luvenia. The rest of us got to get along with 'purt'near.'"

I think it is important to have high standards in whatever we take on. But I'm learning to let go of my old rigid expectations of perfection and mastery in all that I do. I've had prolonged periods of being immobilized in my desire to write, to draw, to do many things because each flaw or error was an anathema to me. "Getting it Wrong" was not an option - not to be tolerated - a crime beyond words. Too often in the past I allowed my fear of failure and intolerance for shabby results to stop me from trying things I wanted to do.

I don't want to play that game anymore.

I still think it's good to strive for excellence. But I'm also learning to be more gentle with myself. I have a framed picture in my office that says: "Use whatever talents you possess. The woods would be a very silent place if only those birds who sang the very best were allowed to sing."

What I write may not be very elegant or profound or even grammatically correct in places. But I'm finding my voice, and for me that has value.

In many areas of my life these days I'm trying to take more risks and be more willing to fall on my face, to experiment with things that I am not assured of a shining outcome. If I limit myself to only doing those things I know I can do well I will never learn anything new. It's high time I gave myself the chance to muck up a few things and enjoy the PROCESS as much as the final results.