I recently did a posting about Locus of Control, pondering the issue of whether or not the tendency to take personal responsibility for one's own mood and actions could be a learned skill set or if the degree to which some people tend to blame (or credit) external forces were an innate personality trait.
In a related vein, I'm considering the whole issue of delaying gratification... Some people seem to be very good at this and others are not. What makes the difference?
The old '70s marshmallow experiments clearly show that the ability to delay gratification in early childhood is closely linked to personal success later on in life from getting through school to staying off drugs or out of jail.
It's all well and good to OBSERVE and MEASURE gratification delay. But how do we TEACH it? I think that is the far more important issue.
Also, to what extent is "waiting for later" a good thing and when does it produce a diminishing return? I think that to some extent being able to delay gratification is an important life skill. Yet I also suspect it can be carried too far. There are some overly self controlled people who seemingly spend their entire lives "saving for a rainy day" but never give themselves permission to cut loose and enjoy NOW.
Sometimes I want dessert before dinner. Sometimes I want dessert FOR dinner.
And I think that's fine. The trick is not to get carried away with it.
How much do I expect to be able to embrace joy in THIS life and how much do I accept the idea that this fallen, mortal world is a time of testing and adversity, with the real joy juice coming in the hereafter?
How much bad or boring stuff will I endure now if I am convinced of a payoff down the road?
How about you? Any thoughts?
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3 comments:
First comment, what if you don't like marshmallows?
Second comment, I was taught years ago that "short term pain equals long term pleasure" I apply this to daily tedious tasks such as washing dishes, laundry etc. I truly feel the pleasure of the moment after the short term pain is done, if I put off the task there is a heaviness that weighs on me till the task is done. So delayed gratification for sure falls into that catagory, however, I don't have the willpower to teach it to my children. I need to remember that the short term pain of the lesson will induce long term pleasure-hopefully....
Great question! Perhaps we should more closely follow "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." This is the basis behind the ever popular FiSH Philosphy.
Also, I really appreciate being one of the blogs you read!!! Thanks!!!!!
M-T-P
Juliana;
For an interesting take on how kids might react who don't like marshmallows, check out THIS
re-enactment of that classic experiment.
There's no doubt that one man's payoff is another man's pain. What may be very much a reward to you could be absolutely yucky for me.
Still, the principle remains. There is much evidence to support the notion that being able to delay gratification is linked to several other layers of coping well in our culture.
However, I cannot help but wonder how much is too much of the old puritan ethic that praises denial of pleasure as a good thing in and of itself.
I am convinced it IS a good thing to be able to deny my passions and discipline my spirit to overcome my carnal desires.
Yet another part of me says that while absolute hedonism is clearly not healthy or wholesome, having the capacity to savor pleasure and joy along the way without being riddled with guilt is also a vital part of a fully lived life.
I honestly don't think righteousness demands that I endure my mortal existence as an ascetic. Some pleasures are temptations to distract me from my purpose, no doubt. But others are blessings laid in my path that I do not want to deny myself. I want to bite into ripe, sweet fruit of my life and allow its sticky juice to run down my face.
It's all a question of balance for me, and the key is to find the middle ground.
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