Tuesday, May 13, 2008

HOPE HOPE HOPE

My interview for the job of my dreams went VERY well. This is the job that I want, no doubts or reservations. Taking it would involve a move and some personal complications, but I haven't got a single doubt in my mind it would be an ideal match for me. So I'm hoping beyond all hope they will pick me.

The intriguing part was finding out some things about the position that I was very specifically prepared for precisely because of the experience I have had in the crummy-overwhelming-bad match job that I have right now. Isn't it interesting how our adversity is sometimes our best teacher?

Years ago I heard my uncle say something when he was hoping his apple crop would turn out well: "I'm going to cross my fingers and cross my toes, pray hard, keep my eyes on the Lord and not think about anybody's pants." Whatever works!

In the mean time I'm doing the all too familiar dance in my heart of wanting it oh so badly, and wanting to stay positive and optimistic, but also steeling myself against the possibility that I will not be picked. I try not to let the fear creep in. But I think if I miss this one my spirit may crash and burn. I don't know that I've ever wanted anything as bad as I want this. It is probably the ONLY job on the face of the planet that I would be eager to stick with for 15 years or more.

So now I wait. I do trust in my core that it will turn out however it should. But oh, how ready I am for this to be the one....

9 comments:

Joyce said...

Sounds like you will need to sell your house and make a quick move. Are you going to be able to talk your husband into the move? JH

Belladonna said...

We've agreed to sell the house, whether I get the job or not. Then, whenever we do get ready to move on, whether it be for this job or some other opportunity, we won't have anything tying us down to this geography.

I feel both liberated and mournful about giving up my lovely home here. I'm sure my emotions will continue to be topsy turvey about that for some time.

Now, the MOVE...that's the complicated part. Initially I would move and he would continue on here to maintain his current job. Both for economic reasons and for personal/professional loyalty reasons he is not ready to give up his work. He will begin looking for opportunities near where my new job would be, but at age 62 he has little confidence he will find anything comparable to the solid university research post he has here. Hopefully we'll find other solutions down the road. But it is possible we could end up living apart for up to three years until he is ready to retire.

We will talk on the phone every day and then take turns commuting to see each other on the weekends. I get a full month off in the winter and a three month break in the summer. Those I would spend back here with him. We'd write each other mushy love letters. We'd arrange romantic rendezvous half way between the two spots whenever we could. But for a while, we'd be in separate places. Hopefully that pattern will not have to go on long term. We are both SERIOUSLY committed to this bond we share. But we are willing to make some sacrifices in the short run for what feels right for us in the long run.

I admit to more than a little trepidation about all this. But so far that's the plan.

Mimi said...

Tee hee. What an interesting saying.

And, prayers.

Jen said...

I hope you get it, and I hope its everything you are hoping for.

Rozel said...

Ok remind me about the job . . .and where is it?

Belladonna said...

Rozel;

I've opted not to get specific on the blog about workplace. Last time I checked the stats for this silly blog I found there were WAY too many strangers logging on for me to be comfortable with giving that level of detail. But CALL ME and we can talk - or e-mail me privately ok?

Jen said...

Any news?

Belladonna said...

Not yet - but today we put our house up for sale. GULP.

No matter what happen on the job front, some big changes are in the works for casa Piranha.

Jaquandor said...

Goodness! Best wishes as always. I'm interested to know how all goes; let me know in e-mail if you like.

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