Saturday, May 30, 2009

Limbo Land

I'm still waiting to hear about the teaching job I interviewed for. It has been an interesting process to watch how hope, fear, excitement, and dread keep looping around in my head.

I want this job. Still, I am fearful about assuming the role of full time faculty.
For the past dozen years I've always had some OTHER sort of job for my full time bread and butter work and then done my teaching one or two nights a week (or online) on the side. WORK was something I did to pay the bills. TEACHING was something I did to feed my passion. I have some concern that if my passion becomes my work I may burn out on the one thing that I truly love.

Christmas is fun, but I wouldn't want to do it every day. If it was always Christmas, it would cease to be special.

One of the primary reasons diamonds are considered valuable is that they are relatively rare.

If I am teaching day in, day out year after year after year will it lose the magic?

Part of me thinks it would be better to get some OTHER sort of job in Idaho so I could continue that pattern of keeping my teaching as something "extra" on the side.

But another side of me says I'm sick to death of balancing two jobs and I sincerely do want to turn in my crazy workaholic membership. I want to achieve greater BALANCE in my world. I want the time to simply be and breathe.

IF I were teaching full time one of the blessings would be having my job be doing something I really love. But an equally potent blessing would be having all those yummy breaks away from the work. Week off for spring break, week off for Thanksgiving, two weeks off for Christmas, three months off for summer...yeah, I could get used to that.

But I have heard nothing back from the school yet. I thought I would by now. I KNOW these things take time... but when I interviewed on the 22nd they said they had it narrowed down to just me and one other person, and they hoped to make a decision by the following week. Well, that week has now come and gone without a peep from the college.

What does that mean?
It may mean that they are just slower than they had hoped.
It may mean that I missed this opportunity.
Right now there is no way to know.

So I wait...with hope and fear, excitement and dread.

This uncertainty and anticipation are not my favorite place to be.

But it is what it is.

So I wait.


Grandma Pat said...

Interesting about your work vs. passion thoughts. Be sure to let us know when you hear something.

Rozel (a.k.a. Michelle) said...

The anticipation is killing me! I can only imagine what it is doing to you.

Even if you teach day in and day out and it loses a bit of its magic. I am positive that you will be fabulous!

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