After months of battling raging insomnia I finally decided to cry uncle. I've tried long hot baths, herbal tea, lavender candles & body lotion, soothing music... all that sort of stuff. But it's no good. I manage to get to sleep just fine. But then somewhere between 2-4 AM my eyes pop open, my mind is racing and there is NO WAY I'm getting back to sleep. I go for days upon days utterly sleep deprived until I'm goofy. I keep saying when I get tired enough I will sleep. No. When I can no longer stand it I just crash - not sleep - but collapse in a twitching pile of goofiness that makes no sense. Not good.
I've been extremely resistent to taking any sort of sleep meds. But after this last most ferocious bout of the big eye, I finally decided to cry uncle. So I called up my primary care provider to see if I could get a referral to the local sleep clinic for a full evaluation and possibly a short term prescription.
I was told she no longer works there - moved on to the VA some months ago. Didn't I get a letter? NO. I did not.
So now, not only do I not have anyone to help me with the sleep ickies, I have no one to do my annual exam or to turn to in the event I get sick. I'm back at square one with no medical professional that I know or trust.
I have HUGE issues about picking doctors. I've had horrendously bad experiences in the past with a doctor who spent the whole time she was examining me talking in detail about OTHER patients (not using names, but hey - we live in a small town and I'm not stupid, so it's not all that hard to figure out...). I wrote a letter of complaint for which I was labelled as a "problem patient".
After a long, long time with no doctor at all my pal Juliana took me to see a Nurse Practitioner she trusted. I was delighted to find a good match. I am seldom sick so I did not go in often. But it was very comforting to know that Eileen would be there any time I needed care.
Now she's gone.
I'm feeling frustrated, disappointed, nervous and scared. I do NOT want to go get poked and prodded and asked questions by somone new I don't trust.
Besides which, most the good doctors in this underserved rural areas are no longer taking any new patients. So I'm stuck. Do I play Russian Roulette with my healthcare by relying only on the walk in clinic? Yikes, that feels too creepy for words. What to do? Go back to the yellow pages and throw darts?
If I were looking for a therapist - which I most definitely am not - I would have the option of calling several, having a brief phone call to get a feel for what sort of services they offered, and then do screening interviews to find the right fit. But MD / DO doctors tend to say "take it or leave it" and consider their time too precious for that.
I really hate having to start over. This stinks.