Sunday, April 20, 2008

On the Cusp of Change

I have job interview tomorrow.

I am 90% sure they will offer it to me.
I am 80% sure I will take it.
I am 70% sure it is the right thing to do.

I'm excited about the job, but worried about the salary. At what point do I walk away from it if they won't give me what I expect to be paid? If it were only about the money we'd all be drug dealers. I recognize that there are many aspects to a job that are important quality of life & personal integrity issues besides the pay. I do think this job would be a good fit. Still... there is a certain point where what I earn DOES matter. Whether or not my prospective employer and I will be able to agree on that point remains to be seen.

Beyond that, if I do get this job we will put our house up for sale and pray that someone buys it before winter. The job is about 90 minutes away - not a reasonable commute in the land of $3.50+ per gallon gas. On top of which I have horrible night vision. In the winter it is dark when I go in the morning, and dark when I come home at night. I can do that for short distances, but NOT for this lengthy drive. So if our house doesn't sell I'd probably have to rent a small apartment there and only come home on the weekends. Not an ideal situation. Also, even if it all goes smooth as melting butter, moving is just an overwhelming thing to face. So I'm somewhat nervous about that.

So IF they do indeed offer me this job I will have a big decision to make. I'm trying really hard to base that decision on faith rather than fear. I keep finding myself worrying: what if no one buys my house and I get stuck with the abominable commute for many more months than I had planned? what if we do sell our house only to find out too late the job is the wrong fit? what if we get over there and I like the job but hate the area? What if after I take this job one of the others I had applied for HERE comes through but I'm already moved out of the area? How can I tell what is the right thing to do?

STOP! I tell my brain. I've really thought this through. The job feels right.
I have a certain line in the sand dollar wise that I will ask for. They either meet me there or do not. If not, I'll find something else. It will work out however it is meant to be, either way.

(the skeptic in my brain sort of sneers at that whole idea of "meant to be", but I'm hanging on to the notion all the same.)

Either way, whether I take THIS job or move on and do something else, I have come to the conclusion that I absolutely and for sure do not want my existing position. I've learned that I CAN do it and do it very well, but I do not want it. It's just not the right fit for me. I'm glad I can recognize that. I plan to make a change about that no matter what.

So, hopefully tomorrow I will be guided to say the right things and to listen well as I interview. Hopefully we can come to an agreement about money that will work for both sides. I'm trying to be positive and optimistic without getting my hopes all set unrealistically. I'm trying to believe that things are unfolding just the way they should.

Look out change - Ready or not, here I come!


Ruth D~ said...

So? Is the decision made? Sigh of relief?

One thing-- I can say this easierr than do it, but . . . one day at a time. You're trying to get your lid=fe in order before you've even lived it. Makes for a fair bit of stress. :>)

As I say, easy to say, hard to do.

Jen said...

I hope it went well, and I hope its everything you are hoping it will be.

And I hope its an offer you can't refuse. Good luck with it all, and keep us updated on how it went!

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